His mother is ill..and we just met...

Avatar for marsgen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
His mother is ill..and we just met...
8
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 6:00pm

Hi everyone,

I met a really nice guy last Tuesday. We hit it off and we saw each other almost every day ever since.

This morning he received a call from his sister that his mother is dying from cancer and that he had to drive down to see her for the last time. At first, seeing as this guy has everything and seems to be a bit of a player, I wondered if this was not a set up.

However, right from the start he told me his mother was very ill. Anyway, he still spent time with me in the morning as we had planned, and I prepared his lunch and a sandwiches to bring along with him on his trip. He also confided a whole lot in me, except he never cried.

When he brought me home he said thank-you and kissed me and then said he would call me. He even said that I could call him, but I told him that I preferred it if he called me because of the circumstances.

The thing that bothers me is that he usually when a guy does not plan the next meeting and says that he will call it means he won't. However, his mom lives 5 hours away and he can not exactly plan when he will be back seeing as she is very ill.

Should I trust him or could this all be a lie to get rid of me? I am so confused. He did pack his bags and bring his dog along when he left for his trip.

This guy seems like a nice guy except I met so many liars this year that I am terrified to be hurt again.

When should I expect a call according to you? Do you think he will call me if he is really interested or I should not expect much because of the circumstances?

Thanks for listening,

Gen

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 6:36pm

Wow...I've been lied to a fair amount, but still, I have to say...I can't imagine thinking that a guy was lying about his mother *DYING*, unless he's given you some specific reason to think he's a liar. And I'm not seeing anything in your post to indicate that.

You just met on Tuesday, less that a week ago? If you're so afraid of being hurt again, then why would you spend so much time together, so fast? And why would you already be at his house, packing lunches? Avoiding too much too soon and getting to know someone SLOWLY over time is the best way to avoid getting involved with someone who's wrong for you, not being overly suspicious for no good reason.

Anyway, I wouldn't "expect" a call any time soon. He has other things on his plate to deal with. It would be *nice* if he could update you every few days or so, but I think that's too much to "expect".

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:34pm
Don't worry. I think he will call maybe in a week or two. But don't pressure him and I wouldn't call him since hes going thru a personal crisis and he needs his space.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:37pm
I doubt he'd go to such great lengths to "get rid of you."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 11:41pm

A friend of mine has a friend who went through something similar...

Met a guy off match, then his mom became ill and eventually passed. All the while, she was there for him w/out being pushy. They've now been together almost six months. He was grateful for her patience and understanding. :)

I hope things turn out for you, too!

My apologies about his mom :(

Keep us posted!

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 12:12am

Gen, I think in this situation you should throw the regular rules out the window. I believe what he's saying as the truth. I think you do, too, but I know it's hard to not be somewhat skeptical when you've dealt with so many liars ( I completely relate because of my own experiences with liars).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 12:17am
Its still so new, its hard to gauge what will happen. I cant imagine he is making it up though.

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Avatar for marsgen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 9:58pm

Hello everyone,

Thank-you so much for your advice and your kind words.

He just called me a few minutes ago and his mother passed away yesterday. She had been suffering a lot from cancer, so altough he is sad to see her go, he feels it is better for her to be at peace. The thing is, he is just 39 and now both his parents are gone. It is pretty sad.

So, I am wondering now what I should do for him. Should I just give him a card, or something else too? I wish I could take his pain away, but I don't know what to do since I just met him a week ago today.

Hugs,

Gen

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 10:11pm

Oh, that's too bad. How sad for him. It's good he got to see her though.

I would send a sympathy card at this point and that's it. Realize also that now may not be a good time for him to be starting a new relationship so if he does end up pulling back or breaking things off, try not to take it personally. It's just bad timing.

Sheri