how about it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
how about it!!
14
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 9:13pm

Oh God,
I just discovered something... And it's not pretty.
I was trolling around on match as if I was a man (lawyer-man) looking for a woman within his hight/age limitations and I found the girl that he is dating/interested in. (besides the fact he is still on-line at times).
The pieces of this puzzle are coming together..
The 1st date I met him I mention how some people are doing multiple dates and stuff and he said that he had only been talking ot one other girl and she had recently moved to our city but she grew up here.
Well folks, I found her! She hasn't been on-line in 3 weeks and that is matching the fact that I met him about that time. Pathetically enough I think he is looking for a woman who makes a lot of money and I mean close to or better than 6 figures. The girl is very avg looking and full of pretentiousness (apprentice-type) but she makes a very comfy living.
When we were seeing each other I could tell he was sizing me up. He asked about my ex - if he has a good job and he noted to me on a different occasion "well you are doing ok, making pretty good money, right?" Oh man, it all makes sense now. I can tell that he was torn because I KNOW he was very attracted to me but I didn't fit his money status bill. It makes sense now how he was flipping back and forth untill he figured out that I am a single mom and don't have the kind of money to travel the world! How sad is that! I suppose everyone is looking for different things :) Sorry if I misspelled anything here, I didn't spell check and I am foreign.

Edited 7/14/2005 9:15 pm ET ET by ivosoh




Edited 7/14/2005 9:17 pm ET ET by ivosoh

Pages

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
In reply to: ivosoh
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 11:42pm

I wouldn't feel bad...I'd be glad that I found out early just what kind of guy he really is!

    
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: ivosoh
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 12:40am

Hi Ivos,

I'm sorry you learned this, but are you sure about it? But trust your instincts as they are usually always right. At least you found out now before you invested more of your heart. Would you really want someone that is only "all about the money"??? I know it hurts when you realize a truth, but wouldn't you rather know now that be hurt months later? You are too good for him anyway!!!!!!!! Take care and keep that chin up.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivosoh
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 9:28am
I am so sure - it's like a moment of clarity.
You know there some people that are looking for this "JCrew" style - preppy couple with 2-3 kids in a Nordic-style matching sweaters, lots of money, ski vacations, house in a preppy hood. I KNOW this is what he is after to match his friend's life-style.
I know he told me that he would love to buy a house in this neighborhood next to his friend and they are starting at $500000 so he is looking for someone who can contribute a great deal to that life style. I KNOW that if I were a doctor he would have proposed to me on the 1st date :) I knew it was weird when he talked to me about wining lottery (I thought he was kidding), writing a book or doing something that would give him lots of money at once because he doesn't even like his job for that matter.
I do know one thing - it's ok to go after what you want but the thing is he appears so confused because I don't think he like that girl 100% either. I feel that he is sleazing her too because while she is off line - he is trolling around every day. But I am going to stop checking on that. It was pure curiosity on my part!
There are all sorts of people on-line! Beware!



Edited 7/16/2005 2:38 pm ET ET by ivos2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: ivosoh
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 2:00pm
Ivos:
I am not sure what you are getting terribly upset about. We all have our preferences. I for instance CANT date a wealthy man because I dont have the income to do that...i.e. clothes, money to contribute to dates that may be extravagant reciprocally, i cant afford to travel etc. Sometimes i just am not into the kinda crowd that wealth attracts too. On the flip side I am not into folks who don't work for a living or find ways to buck the system and dont earn their living. I like my "flock" somewhere between lower and middle income lol
Did you ever consider for a moment that:
Perhaps he does have money and lives a certain lifestyle and wants to be around that mindset...not necessarily the money itself ..but the drive it takes to have and keep it, the experiences that come with that lifestyle that influence a mindset. I am not saying people without money do not have experiences or drive, but there are differences in everyday life expereiences or how things are viewed etc (i could go on) ...
OR
Perhaps he doesn't want someone who might be looking to HIM as a meal ticket or having to totally fund a relationship etc. KWIM? There are two sides to this coin, i think. I can understand your disappointment...but to be angry as if he was the devil when you don't know his whole story ...seems a lil tunnelvisioned. I may have the facts wrong as from what i gathered you've only been seeing him a few weeks and at the same time as this other woman. Be glad he was open about seeing someone else and not pretending you are the end all and be all. He isnt married (hopefully) ..last i looked..it was legal to date more than one person especially if only involved for a few weeks. right?
Lizzie
Lizzie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: ivosoh
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 2:05pm
p.s.....twice youve said that this other girl isnt attractive enough. You can be construed as being just as shallow as he is then. You do not know that woman. You don't even really know his situation it seems. Just remember, you are the one still interested even though you thought after the first date if you were a doctor he'd propose. Why bother if you are not liking what you are sensing? He is not "playing" you if you dont give him anything financially remember. Men date until they feel they have made the right choice....what constitutes good enough..is different for everyone. If he is a con artist..let him go con someone...only get mad if you were taken advantage of..and remember people only get taken advantage of if you let them or by shear victimization. You sound too informed to be victimized now...right?
Lizzie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
In reply to: ivosoh
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 2:31pm
I agree with what you are saying and I have never called him a player. We are not right for each other for one or another reason or this would have worked out.
I don't have anything for or against that girl but just from observing the kind of a person he is - I can clearly see that there is no way she would be his type looks-wise. I might of been to harsh in expressing this thought.
As far as taking advantage - I don't feel that he had done that since I was willing to participate. He did try to take advantage of me during our last conversation by making a slimy proposition to "hang out" but such an offer was rejected. I made my peace with the situation even though rejection still sucks - I am moving on :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
In reply to: ivosoh
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 9:46pm
How is making a slimy proposition to "hang out" taking advantage of you? And how is it "slimy"? Ya lost me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivosoh
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 10:09am
that's to hang out with benefits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
In reply to: ivosoh
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 8:31pm
If that's the feeling you get from this guy, why does it matter who else he's interested in? And since you've already done the "deed" with him as you say, why would you expect anything different? Is this the same guy you've already slept with? Sorry - I can't keep up. Busy summer....lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivosoh
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 10:40am
I feel like I am being attacked/judged. That's not cool.

Pages