how do I...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
how do I...
6
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 11:37pm
Hey,
This is the first time I have posted here. I met this guy online that I really like, but he just told me that has a history of psycological problems (OCD and depression) and it is enough that I don't want to DATE him. How do I tell him this? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want to be in a relationship with him. Help please.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: deepstreams
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 2:06am
Have you met him in person yet? No? Then just tell him you don't think you are a match, no reason, and block him. Yes, you met him? Then if he calls tell him the same thing. You have no obligation to him - it doesn't matter that he has mental problems, you could have rejected him for any other reason - even that you're just not into him. If that seems too harsh for you, then tell him you met someone else and you want to see where it goes. But I would go for the truth that you don't feel you are a match. It's okay to be selective, and I'm with you. Life is hard enough - you don't have to date a guy who has serious issues just to be nice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
In reply to: deepstreams
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 7:31am
Do what youd do to any other guy you arent interested in. Have you met him yet? Just tell him it just isnt clicking between the two of you. If you havent met him yet, then email him that. Then block him. You really dont owe him any detailed explanation other than "it just isnt clicking". Any reason beyond that is personal and you dont have to share it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: deepstreams
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 9:39am
you can make up any excuse not to want to continue other than his depression. If he is not athletic say you prefer athletic guys... if he is not educated say you are not comfortable with that... I would not tell him it is his history of mental illness. That will make him even more depressed and you dont want to hurt him right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
In reply to: deepstreams
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 9:55pm

What Juliara said.

You might also refrain from prefacing with an opener like "after closer evaluation"... He might not like that. All teasing aside, I can't blame you for considering the past mental health history to be a red flag.

As someone who has dated men dealing with depression/persistent counseling- I'd choose differently next time. It can really affect the quality of a relationship. Not for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: deepstreams
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:46pm

I disagree with the "making up an excuse" (don't lie - just be vague) ANJ with the suggestion to say that you've met someone else and want to see where it goes.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: deepstreams
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 8:30am
Lots & LOTS of people suffer from Depression & do fine on meds. & OCD, although less common, also is well controlled with meds AND can range from very very mild to

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