how do I explain this
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how do I explain this
| Fri, 12-02-2005 - 7:51pm |
Hi ya all, I am usually just lurking here, but I finally have a dilemma. I have been seeing a guy I met online for about 4 months. Not ever talked about being exclusive, but I did think things were progressing. Anyways I decided to just go to his house without an invitation just to see what he was doing....yikes I pulled in the driveway and uh oh another car pulled in next to me with a female in it, thank goodness I hadnt even turned off my car yet, I left really quick, yikes....what do I say to him when he asks me if I was there, should I say she is imagining things or the truth??? I feel so stupid at this point I am dumbfounded. Please advice....I am going to the bar to shoot some pool for a while...have a good night, TIA

Whatever you do, don't lie. Frankly, I'd use the incident to open a discussion about exclusivity. Four months is a long time to be seeing someone on a non-exclusive basis, IMO, and that may mean he's not interested in any sort of exclusive relationship at all, regardless of how long you've been seeing each other.
Of course, the woman could be a friend or relative...so talking about it will also give you the opportunity to find that out, as opposed to assuming anything.
Sheri
Tell him you were going to stop by and drop off that book you were telling him about, or that coupon for the free latte or whatever...then tell him that you saw the other lady and left.
This should open a discussion about who she was and whether he is actively dating someone else. If so, time to have the exclusivity talk, or where is this thing going talk.
I'd be honest and tell him you dropped by unannounced and when another car pulled up you realized that he had company and didn't want to intrude. I'd tell him the situation made you uncomfortable and you're really unsure of where you stand with him. His responses to what you express will enable you to determine if you're both on the same page and if this relationship is going in the direction you need it too.
Well that turned out ok...I'm glad to hear it. You know the thing here is that you have concerns about where you're at and if you're both on the same page. I mean you were concerned enough to post about it, even though it turned out to be a needless worry. I wonder if you should be initiating a conversation about exclusivity in any case. Just a thought since the visit left you questioning just how invested your BF is in this relationship.
Solazzo
Edited 12/7/2005 10:02 am ET by solazzo