How do I get him to call me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
How do I get him to call me?
9
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:53pm

I have a date with a guy on Saturday night for an "adult beverage" and a dinner (I posted about this guy before and some of you thought the adult beverage thing was wierd). We have exchanged several emails and I've asked him to call me three times, but he hasn't. In my last email, when I was letting him know when I'm free, I told him at the end to call me after eight o'clock tomorrow (which is tonight) and we'd make plans. Instead he emailed me with his plans and no call. I absolutely do not want to meet this guy without first talking to him for 3 reasons:

1) You can tell a lot about a guy from his voice and tone.

2) I want to make sure that we click. I've had conversations via email with some guys that were amazing, but it all fizzled out over the phone.

3) Safety reasons. This guy seems too good to be true. He's 30 yrs old, makes between $100K - 150k, travels all over the world for his job (he supposedly just got back from Paris) and he has the all American happy family in Arkansas (we "met" while he was there and he told me all about the chocolate fondu and playing cards and board games with his parents, brother and sister-in-law and he told me how wonderful it is to be a new uncle and he can't quite get used to being called "uncle")He is also a major hottie and it makes me wonder why he's on the internet looking for dates. If he's really that perfect, shouldn't he be married or in a long term relationship by now? So who knows, he could just be a busy guy who is trying something new, or he could be a psycho who is totally lying to me just to lure me to a place where he will....ugh, I don't want to think about what could happen, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, so would it be rude to just tell him that I won't go out with him unless he calls me? He has not given me his number and has ignored my requests for a phone call. On the other hand, I don't want to keep begging him to call me. I already feel dumb for letting him know that I'm free on a Saturday night (well, I made sure to tell him that my original plans fell thru, but still...)

Help???!!! How do I handle this? If this guy really is the real deal I do not want to mess this up!

EDITED TO ADD:
okay, I think I figured it out. I emailed him back to say that his plans sound great (oh, and they do! Sushi bar in a trendy part of town followed by an ambiatic, dark, jazzy wine bar) but then I added: "since I'm sort of new to online dating, maybe we should talk on the phone before we meet so I won't feel like I'm meeting a complete stranger, albeit an enticing one" (the enticing bit is sort of an inside joke) Sound good?

Oh, and one more question, these two places we are going to are known for their very high prices. I can't afford it! How do I make sure that HE pays without letting him know that I am flat broke?




Edited 12/7/2006 11:22 pm ET by lostbee4
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:44pm

I think your solution sounds good. I'd be concerned if he doesn't call you at all--plus he's deliberately not making you comfortable by calling as you've asked. That's not a good sign.

As far as the cost thing, you need to be prepared to pay your half in case he decides not to treat you for whatever reason. It would be beyond tacky to ask him in advance if he's going to pay. If you're concerned about it, then change the plans to meet for coffee. I personally think that it's a really big risk to make your first meet for dinner--I wasted too many hours of my life that way before I stopped agreeing to meet for dinner.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:47pm

Maybe you could just emphasize that you'd be much more comfortable if you were able to talk on the phone first (kind of like you'd said!)

As far as the cost of the food, could you ask how much their food runs? That'd be a casual way of making it known that you are price-concious, which is never a bad thing. :)

Hope that helps a little! Keep us posted!

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 9:54am

My suspicion bells are ringing due to his not calling you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 10:41am

I agree with Stacey that the not calling thing is one of those alarm bells that goes off in your head. It just seems a little odd. But I think your tactic is a good one. If he STILL doesn't call after that, those alarm bells should start clanging even louder!

As for the cost thing. No, there's no way for you to ensure that he's going to pay without seeming cheap and tacky. Sorry. If the place is out of your price range, then I agree with Sheri, suggest somewhere else or suggest meeting for coffee or a drink instead. I respectfully disagree with pink that asking about the price range of the place would be a good idea. You know how much it costs, if you didn't you could go online and look at their menu or a review site. Asking him how much it costs would imply to me that you are worried about the cost (which you are and there's no problem with being concerned) AND that you are hinting that you can't afford it so he better pony up (which is NOT cool). And while it would be nice if he paid since he asked and is suggesting the expensive place, you can't count on it so you're better off going elsewhere.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:03am

I won't meet a guy without talking on the phone first. They can be good writers, but can't verbally communicate at all. My ears are sensitive to a man's voice and sometimes the voice just doesn't do it for me.

This guy really sounds too good to be true, good looking, all American family, financially secure.....but won't talk on the phone....RED FLAG!

Regarding the obligation on your part to split the cost, I say NO WAY, unless YOU asked him for the date, which I don't believe you did. When I date a guy, if he asks for the date then I expect him to pick up the tab, period! If he is a gentleman, he would never consider splitting the check.

I would definitely tell him that before I meet anyone I always like to chat on the phone first. Ask for his phone number and tell him you will call him. If he still doesn't respond, NEXT him, he's probably a scammer or already in a relationship.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 12:08pm

My general rule of thumb with any man whether I meet them online or in person is once I have given them my number, the have 7 days to call. If they don't call after the 7 days, I write them off. The fact that you asked him to ring you 3 times and he has not raises a big red flag for me.

Like many women on the boards here, I would not agree to meet someone for the first time without having a phone conversation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 2:57pm
Without reading the last few posts, I agree with the first couple of posters. You requested quite a few times in different but nice ways that he call you and he hasn't had the courtesy to do what you requested. This is not a good sign before a first meet. Maybe there is a reason on his part as to why he hasn't called but still this is your comfort and safety that you are worried about. I wouldn't meet up with him if I were you because of this reason but it's totally up to you as to what you feel is right or what you feel comfortable doing in this case and if you are really curious about meeting up with him even without the phone call then do it but make sure you meet in a safe place where there are a lot of people around. Listen to your gut and if you have a weird feeling about this then go with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 1:10pm

I agree with Judy on this.....


I date A LOT and (knock on wood) I have not had a guy in at least 5 years ever ask me for money for a first dinner date, coffee date or yogurt date for that matter. If he's suggesting BE CONFIDENT he's treating and when the bill comes say "thank you so much for dinner, that was sweet of you"....... if he's as classy as he sounds on paper then he will more than likely be that way in person. I have done a lot of internet dating and even if there is no chemistry the men have always been classy and considerate.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 4:22pm

Thanks for all your suggestions and OMG I never even considered that he might be married! I'm so naive :P Anyway, he did call and we had a wonderful first conversation. It didn't even feel forced or awkward and it was like I've been talking to him for weeks. And it didn't last for an hour - it was more casual and that is refreshing. He may actually be the real deal, but I'm trying very hard to not get my expectations too high. Besides, I had a wonderful first date with this other guy last night, so I'm trying to keep light and airy about the whole thing.

Anyway, we may or may not go out tonight. He has an electrician in his house right now working on some stuff and it could take all day. That may have been a casual brush off, who knows? But we shall see. I'm kinda hoping we don't go out tonight, only because I'm really tired and I have a HUGE zit on my chin - ick, bad timing! LOL

Oh, and he has an AMAZING voice. I don't know why it matters, but I'm a sucker for guys with sexy voices. Tee hee!