How do I let my chat friend go??
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| Sat, 04-15-2006 - 12:03pm |
T and I had a long talk last night and I tried to hint around that this isn't healthy for either of us. There were a few things that came out in the conversation that concerned me in regards to knowing that we were just friends. This guy is going through a divorce and I serve as a good support system for him but I found that I haven't really done a good job of not letting this man lean on me too hard. This concerned me. He said I give him strength. He supports me too in a lot of my things every day so it isn't just one sided. He made a comment that he wanted to get to know me from my inside and isn't comfortable with how he reacts to me when we are talking (only talking) on the webcam to the degree that he sold all of his webcam stuff on E-Bay. (He did and made more money than he paid for it...lol) He is a strong Christian and I am not that religious, however; I have very strong morals and values and a very spiritual person.
After the talk last night I realized that we had taken this way too far. That is my fault. I enjoy his friendship but I know that we can never be more than what we are right now being so far apart. He has children and well we all know how I feel about moving into a house with another mans minor children so going to Florida is never going to happen. (Don't worry we do not chat until his daughter who is the only minor child in the house goes to bed or is not home...they know nothing about me).
The friendship is strong and we enjoy our talks about Nascar and he is part of my fantasy league and I don't want that to change. How can I reduce the chats as I have been advised here on this board (and I thank you all very much!!) without sending this man into a tailspin considering all he is experiencing with the finalization of his divorce. He is fighting tooth and nail to keep his 8 year old daughter who upon her birth was apparent was not his child. (her father is black *wink wink*) But he has raised her and when the wife left she left the daughter there with him. She is his daughter through and through and I think I found that to be amazing how he took that on and now he is fighting to keep her because as you all know the guns are drawn during divorce and both sides will do whatever it takes to get what they want even holding a beautiful 8 year old daughter hostage. I don't want to completely abandon him.
And how do I get him out of my system? Not lying when I say I like him more than I should if he lived close we would be amazing together. I digress...please help me help this man and not be hooked at the hip. (Innocent remark completely)
F

I think the best thing to do would be to just be honest and upfront with him...that you think he's a great guy and you enjoy your friendship but you feel you need to pull back a bit and spend less time talking online. I would put it in terms of what you want/need though rather than saying that you think he's becoming too dependent on you. Then set some boundaries for yourself (decide for yourself how often and how long you will talk to him) and stick to them. Limiting the time you spend talking with him online isn't "abandoning" him, it's just setting limits so you can focus on other things.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Sheri