How do read between the lines......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
How do read between the lines......
5
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 3:05pm

I got this in an email today. I am posting for fun.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.............................................49

Adventurous.................Slept with everyone

Athletic......................................No tits

Average looking....................Ugly

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Feminist..........................................Fat

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former slut

Fun..........................................Annoying

New-Age..............Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned.............................No BJs

Open-minded.................................Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk

Professional....................................Bitch

Voluptuous...................................Very Fat

Large frame.................................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want.

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gayil today and thought is was hilarious. I am posting for fun.




Edited 3/23/2005 4:08 pm ET ET by truewild1969

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 3:59pm

Hilarious, truewild, especially now!! It is soooo offensive I had to laugh.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 9:26am

Sometimes that is all you can do....Is just laugh :)

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 11:27am
Great post - how funny!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:52pm
Is it Men's English or Dog's English?? ..hmm..sounds awfully familiar..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:39pm
Funny. And I have read something similar...I'll try to find it. It was on craigslist.