how do you all do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
how do you all do it?
23
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 7:05pm
I don't know how you all do OLD over and over again while being rejected so much. I know you do some of the rejecting yourself, but it's the thought of going through this so many times where the other person doesn't even want to give you a chance. I really wouldn't judge somebody just from a coffee date. I personally don't think you can tell how a person really is from that. I suppose we're all different in our thinking but it all just doesn't seem right to me.
Just my thoughts on it.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 7:44pm

I do it because I don't feel I have a choice, if I want to meet someone to be in a r'ship with, which I do. I don't meet single men in my age group in my normal day to day activities nor have I had any luck with "singles" activities. OLD has given me the most opportunities to meet potential partners, so I keep doing it.

For me, the desire for a r'ship outweighs the sting of rejection. Plus, I've learned not to take it too personally. I just keep reminding myself that a guy who's right for me isn't going to reject me, so who *cares* if a guy who's wrong for me does, ya know?

I both agree and disagree with you that you can't tell how a person is from just a coffee date. No, you can't really KNOW a person after 45 minutes, but you can tell if you're not attracted to him and/or if you enjoy his company and want to see him again.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 9:25pm

I agree with everything Sheri mentioned....

For me, it's the only way I can date. For 20 years I rarely dated because of the availability of single men I ran into.

Some things that help me with the rejection:

1/Don't get my hopes up....expect rejection, at least until I'm asked on a second date.
2/Totally forget about the ones that I meet who don't contact me at least 3 days after the first meeting. Leave the door open, just in case, but *write* them off in my mind.
3/Keep contacting men and be talking to 3-4 at a time .....don't think that the one I am meeting is potentially the one and dismiss others that are contacting me.
4/Remember first and foremost....that it only takes ONE guy to be the right one. Just one in the vast many of men I am talking to and meeting.

Good luck. I, also, find that when I am the most down and feel the most hopeless is just the time that I receive a bunch of emails at once. I have dry spells for days but then it seems that when it rains it pours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 3:51pm

Well, I pretty much agree with what Sheri said. However, I agree with you. I did the coffee date thing a few times and really didn't like it for the reason you stated. If I went by that I would not be in a r'ship now.

I had dinner on our first meet/date. We spent 2 hours together. If I had based my opinion on only 20 or 45 minutes, I probably would not have gone for a second date. I was not impressed at first. Seemed too low key for me. As the evening went on, I could see we had a lot in common. Still no sparks, but absolutely no red flags either. The "extra" time we spent that evening convinced me to take it further.

Anyway, here we are 7 months later. Yes, we've had a few road bumps to navigate recently, (which I don't think would have turned out as well without the help of this board ;))but here we are just the same.

Yeah, OLD is not easy. Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:02pm

Kathy,

I continue to do it because I'm a fighter and I never give up. But I also enjoy it because the longer I do it the more stories I'm going to have to tell my friends, siblings, and possibly children. Every date is an adventure and just when I thought I've seen it all; something more bizarre occurs. Here's the story on my latest date....

I I'MD her on American Singles on Friday night around 11pm and we didn't stop until 4:15am.

On Sunday I spoke with her on the phone from 8pm until 3am in the morning. Then I asked if we could meet at 5am since she only lived 5 miles away. She agreed and I hopped in my car and met her at her place. When she walked out, I was shocked. She was about 40lbs heavier than her photos. She didn't look anything like her photos but I was in the mood so we made out.... Then we agreed to meet for dinner at 8pm the same day. I got basically no sleep on Monday. The date went well but now she's ghosted on me. And I couldn't be happier. Next.....

TT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:04pm

TT-

LMAO!!! You absolutely kill me. I wish I had your humerous spin to put on things. I am however glad you got some affection out of this deal.

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:13pm

TT...this is probably none of my business, but I've been biting my tongue for months now. Feel free to ignore this if you prefer ;-).

I'm sorry it didn't work out *again*...but I just have to wonder, do you really WANT to meet someone who has her act together, or do you just want to collect stories? Because her behavior up to and including having you come to her place to meet you shows VERY clearly that she is someone who does not. And this seems to be a pattern for you, over and over and over again.

IF you REALLY want to meet someone who is capable of a healthy r'ship, you need to start setting some standards for yourself, don't you think? Not to mention behaving in a way that is going to *attract* a woman who has her act together (such as not IM'ing all night with a stranger).

Sheri




Edited 5/12/2005 4:16 pm ET ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:16pm
Well, one of the guys from lemontonic that I was emailing, contacted me again today. I didn't think he was going to contact me again so I was surprised. He lives fairly close to me too so I'll just wait and see what comes of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:18pm

Kathy-Good luck.

It is fun to get caught up in the hype of it all. However just act like nothing in your life has changed. Don't put much thought into it. Just keep it packed away as a warm fuzzy!

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:23pm
I think next time you need to try for a 12 hour phone conversation..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:35pm

NW,

Interesting lashing I'm getting eh? All I ask is that people on-line be truthful and honest with me; that's all. I'm sure there are others on here with more interesting stories to tell but choose not to. I would rather use humor as a way to release stress than your method of attack.

TT

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