how do you all do it?
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how do you all do it?
| Wed, 05-11-2005 - 7:05pm |
I don't know how you all do OLD over and over again while being rejected so much. I know you do some of the rejecting yourself, but it's the thought of going through this so many times where the other person doesn't even want to give you a chance. I really wouldn't judge somebody just from a coffee date. I personally don't think you can tell how a person really is from that. I suppose we're all different in our thinking but it all just doesn't seem right to me.
Just my thoughts on it.
Just my thoughts on it.

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Sorry, TT, I'm not clear at all on what you're saying or that you got my point. Humor in these situations is good...you HAVE to have humor...but wouldn't meeting a woman you could actually have a r'ship with be BETTER?
Separate and apart from the issue of her lying about her weight, what I'm trying to say is that a woman with a *reasonable* amount of emotional health is NOT going to spend all night IM'ing with a stranger, is NOT going to talk on the phone for so long with a stranger, and is NOT going to invite a stranger to her home at 5 AM. Anyone who would do all (or IMO any) of those things simply doesn't have her act together.
I'm not "lashing" you, simply trying to point out that if your goal is a healthy r'ship with an emotionally healthy person, then you're not going about it in a way that is likely to result in that goal.
Sheri
You really saw NWW's post as an attack? I didn't - in fact - as you'll see - I agree with her.
Hypothetically speaking, let's suppose that I was browsing the ads online and whilst doing so, you IM me.
Hey TT, your stories are hilarious. But in a way, I do have to agree with Sheri. And I don't think she is attacking you or necessarily your method but asking a legitimate question. You do seem to get more than your fair share of girls ready for the loony bin or at the least that lie like dogs.
Seriously - you had talked to this girl on IM for a few hours then on the phone for a few. No problem with meeting her at that point (although the spontaneous meeting at 5 am is a little rash IMHO - but you seem to be a spontaneous guy). But she was obviously NOT telling you the truth (you say that is all you ask) b/c she misrepresented herself with her weight. But yet you made out with this perfect stranger anyway b/c you "felt like it". You in a way led her on - you say that you are glad she ghosted. If you were not REALLY interested in pursuing something long-term, why have the make-out session?
So sure, dealing with these odd situations with humor is probably the best way to get through them, but good grief! You are laughing through the pain way too much, hon! Maybe if your standards were a little different, you wouldn't have to do that so much? Again, not meant as a slam at all, just a curious question.
NW,
All I'm trying to convey is that there is no textbook approach to success with dating. I've tried it from almost every angle and the results are typically failures. I've done the standard approach where there is minimum contact and a quick meeting at a coffee shop. The results from that method were no different than going "outside the box" and trying a more unorthodox method to the madness. It's not that I don't look for flags and just walk into a situation that I know is going to fail; but I trust people and wear my emotions on my sleeve. When it fails; it stings a little and I move on. And then I tell you about it on this board. I wish I could write a success story and perhaps one day I will but in the meantime, I'm not afraid to convey a humorous approach to my failures. If I didn't; I would have given up on dating after the 3rd or 4th failure.
John
Ok, I hear what you're saying, and while I might concur that there may not be textbook approaches to success, I think there ARE textbook approaches to almost certain failure, so to speak, and this is one of them. You ignored 4 glaring red flags that I can count...and we don't even know what you talked about in your conversations--I'd be willing to bet good money that there were more.
As I said before, I'm glad you are keeping a sense of humor about it, that is great. Also great is your optimism and determination to keep going. I just have trouble believing that the only reason you keep attracting flakes is bad luck, that's all. But I definitely hope that your luck will turn, if so!
Sheri
Okay....
So I am to get this straight...are you thinking that because TT broke the proverbial rule of dating...by meeting her at 5 am is why she ghosted?
In my opinion she was going to ghost before he even met her.
It has been in my dating experience that if things "click" there are going to work out regardless of what rules or circumstances you encounter.
I don't think TT is doing anything wrong. Women are more apt to make the rules then men...they just go with the flow in hopes that they either get laid..or if they are interested..a relationship.
She is the one who broke the rules. He went with her flow.
JMHO
Jodie
Edited 5/13/2005 11:08 am ET ET by truewild1969
http://tickers.ticke
No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying at all.
This woman showed from her behavior from the beginning of their interaction that she was a flake. A non-flakey woman would not have done any of the things she did, let alone all 4 (namely, IM'd all night, talked for so long on the phone, agreed to meet at 5 AM, and had him come over to her house). Even if she had not ghosted, and he had continued to date her, she would have almost certainly shown signs of instability, a love for drama, neediness, and/or just generally not having her stuff together.
Now, if TT doesn't care whether he continues to meet flakes, then that's his perogative and there's no problem and he should continue doing what he's doing. But if he truly wants to meet someone who has her act together with whom he can have a reasonably healthy r'ship, he needs to set higher standards. That's all I'm saying.
Sheri
TT-
Shame on you. You're acting in ways that give (us) guys a bad name.
You make out with some gal that you don't think you're really all that interested in? That "shocked" you with how she looked when she showed up? You made another date, and then it's been a ghost situation and you're happy about that?
Knock it off. "I was in the mood" is a weak-a**ed excuse for sucking face with someone that you're not really all that interested in, and think is too fat for you to be in a relationship with.
Making a date with someone that you don't really want to date is weak, too.
There's enough sleazy guys out there without another one who knows better jumping into the mix. I think NWW and everyone else is going easy on you; the sense that I got from your post was that as soon as you saw this gal, carrying 40 pounds more than you thought she would, you knew you weren't ultimately going to wind up in a relationship with her. You were shocked and probably a bit bummed at her appearance, but you made out anyway. You sound like you don't want another date with her, but you made one anyway.
These are not the actions of someone who's honest or a stand-up guy. If she hadn't ghosted and started thinking you are into her, and then a few dates down the road you bail out because you aren't into her, who's the one who's been misleading? Who's the one who harbored doubts from the beginning and wasn't into the other person? I think it's been you, amigo, and you KNOW BETTER than to do that.
Edited 5/13/2005 1:53 pm ET ET by niceguyonline122004
Interesting e-mail niceguy,
Funny thing is; this situation wasn't much different than how I met my 2nd wife and we had a wonderful 6 year relationship before she got depression and our relationship ended. I always give people chances and if she shocked me a little; so be it... But I gave her a chance nevertheless and it was her choice to disappear. If successful on-line rules are written in stone; they don't appear to be working well from what I've read on here. I don't mind people disagreeing with me on here but I won't stand for people knocking my character.
TT
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