how do you believe men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
how do you believe men?
19
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 12:23am

i am a lawyer, late 40's, long term marriage ended, dating for about 2 yrs.

i met a man on-line who seemed wonderful: sweet, smart, likes to cook, etc. journalist, published a few books, on assignment out of town for his newspaper. we email alot, talk endlessly on the phone for weeks...he tells me how anxious he is to meet me finally.

we have dinner, he says i look great, and hes so happy to spend time with me. we go back to his place for a drink. i tell him i am not into a one night stand, but am looking for the start of something. he agrees thats what he wants. he says its not all about just physical, he wants intimacy. blah blah blah. so we sleep together, he asks me to stay overnight, but i have to leave because i have a teenager at home.

i hear nothing, so i email him thanking him for the nice time. he emails back saying that i am nice, but he is really not interested in me, sorry to say. thats it.

i feel foolish and used. and so shaken about my judgment. has anyone else met this type of on-line liar? i guess i am surprised that i feel so hurt over someone i just met too.
how do you believe someone, online or no, when they can be jekyl/hyde?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:11pm

Everyone pretty much said what I would have said, but I just wanted to add one thing:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 1:14pm

<<< tell him i am not into a one night stand, but am looking for the start of something. he agrees thats what he wants. he says its not all about just physical, he wants intimacy.>>>

Men will say anything when they know that they have you close to agreeing to have sex with them. You told him you weren't into one night stands, so he told you what you wanted to hear so you would sleep with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 1:36pm
There isn't anything wrong with sleeping with someone quickly if that is what you want, but if you are going to do that, do so under the assumption it will be a one night stand, if it develops into something more, FABULOUS! but don't assume it will and don't believe someone when they say "Oh I would never do that" because they know you are going to give in with a little prodding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 4:20pm
Maybe your post was for the original poster, but no, I would not ever sleep with a guy on a first date...no amount of bargaining or persuading would get me to go that route--no matter how much I liked him or was attracted to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 5:14pm
No it was for you, I understand YOU wouldn't choose that but other people do and are perfectly fine choosing it, but that if you do choose to do it (not you, but general you) that you have to look at it as if you aren't going to see that person again. Sometimes it can turn into a relationship and sometimes it doesn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:47pm

Hello Stillseeking,


Welcome to the board.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 3:05pm

"Maybe your post was for the original poster, but no, I would not ever sleep with a guy on a first date...no amount of bargaining or persuading would get me to go that route--no matter how much I liked him or was attracted to him."


That is understood and respected, however I too agree, there is nothing wrong with sleeping

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 5:13pm

thank you all! i feel better to see that i am not alone in doing this and falling for stuff i should know better about!

up until this, i have done some OLD, but mostly for fun, and have dated younger men bc it stays casual, and i like to dance, go to concerts, play pool etc, which many older men dont want to do.

this guy struck me, bc he is very accomplished and i felt was more a peer, so i expected more. i did google him before the date, and he has a number of books published and is a feature writer for a major newspaper. i even read interviews of him in various publications, so i thought i knew him better.

update: i emailed him saying i was hurt how he treated me and asked why he encouraged me to stay if he felt that way. he responded that he did not enjoy the sex (he was a bit aggressive, and i wasnt that receptive to that) and that he said later he felt that i was hadnt been that nice to him (i can be kinda funny/sarcastic, but am really kind at heart)
and that he didnt like that either. he said he was looking for something ongoing, but this was not it.

so thats that. and i learned a lesson...thanks so much ladies!!! (and i learned what "ghosting" meant, how awful!)

glad to have found y'all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 5:27pm
Ouch! His comments were sure straightforward and really unnecessarily harsh. I think that's why I kind of like it if they ghost! :-) Anyway, better luck next time. Hopefully you can find someone both good on paper and a decent person!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Pages