How do you feel just before a 1st meet?
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How do you feel just before a 1st meet?
| Thu, 02-24-2005 - 10:02pm |
How do you feel just before a first meet? You know about a couple of hours before you have to leave to meet the next prospect? Are you excited, nervous, ambivalent, blase?
When I first started OLD I felt pretty neutral about it. Hope for the best but expect the worst and going out for an hour to meet someone new was really no big deal. Lately though, I tend to feel like going on these first meets is such a chore. {"Aww...do I really have to shower, get dressed, put on makeup and go out now??? Can't I just stay home in my sweats and watch tv?"}.
I think it's because 90% of these first meets lead to nothing so it almost feels like a waste of time.

Wow, do I agree with that!
Hi Hoov,
I guess how I feel depends on how much I like them. The one last week-end was kinda last minute, and he sounded a little too conservative for me...I was right, it was nice, but no Richter scale activity!
I enjoy getting dressed up and sometimes I do not think about them when getting ready; but whether I really Did get the right top, earrings, etc, as I visualized an outfit. I call one of my 2 best friends on the way and get a little more excited about it, at that point. I have worn jeans more often these days, and I had always vowed to wear a skirt for first meeting, if only a denim one! That is when I realized I have sent this down my priority list and that is a Good thing!
But, quickly, if the meeting is not that great for me, those Tony the Tiger lounge pants start calling to me....I can always go home and share "Pupcorn" ( my dogs Love popcorn!) and watch a movie on tv and be a happy little cupcake.
I was always VERY excited to be going to see "Hallmark Insurance Guy that Dumped Me at After Two Months", we had Pyrotechnic chemistry...but, hey, I guess he finds that just Soooo often and that is why we are not together now.
WhatEvah!
Truly,
Cupcake
I'm always apprehensive and a bit nervous. I find any big situation (whether it's speaking or meeting) where I'm not nervous -- the end result is often a disaster.
The more of them you do the more blase you get. As a guy I'm a bit more in "thinking mode" about "the close" -- is it going to be (a) another date or (b)"..so long and be sure to keep in touch"... I find myself thinking about that so much during the date that sometimes I'm not paying attention.
I don't know if other people do this - but the first thing I size the person up against is whether they'll fit in at family gatherings, etc. If it's someone who I couldn't in a million years see sitting around the table for holiday dinner and fitting in (they don't have to enjoy it - but cannot be so abrasive as to wreck the night) - then I'm nearly always looking for the (b) keep in touch close.
During the meets I've never had a problem with finding things to talk about, etc --- it's just the feeling of making a quick decision about whether to ask to see them again. I'm not interested in a ton of casual dating or LJBF situations -- so I think maybe I screen too much.
Hmmm...
Well, I work at a job that requires me to keep my cool, so I get excited but not really nervous anymore. (I'm pretty much never nervous meeting a gal's parents or family for the first time, either.) I usually am looking forward to seeing what someone is like in person, and about the closest thing to "nervous" that I get is wondering if whatever I'm wearing makes any sense.
(I have the fashion sense of a water buffalo. I typically buy almost all my clothes in the same, relatively neutral tones, so I know they all go together and I shouldn't have to wonder if they match. Anyone remember Grranimals, the clothes for kids, that you could match up the kinds of animals so you knew what you were wearing was okay? If they had Levi's Dockers Grranimals, I'd buy the whole collection. I'm not the only one who's thought of this, either: http://www.sandrabeckwith.com/publications/manuniform.pdf )
So once I manage to dress myself, since that's such a huge struggle... heck, from there it's all easy! :)
No, seriously... I enjoy first meetings. I get to meet someone new, chat with them, see what they're like in person. Just before a first meeting is, quite honestly, one of the more optimistic and energized times I have in my life.
Now, 10 minutes INTO a first meeting, that can be an entirely different story. When I am already looking for the door, or when I've already thought "there is no way I want this woman to ever see me naked", or when I realize that they are extremely hung up on their ex, or when I know that they're WAY more stupid or WAY more smart than I am...
...yeah, I hate those first meetings. Fortunately, they're the minority. :)
And I have to say something here. For those of you who're feeling like "God, this sucks, I don't want to do this any more, do I HAVE to do this..."
You should stop going on first meetings immediately. I am a firm believer that there is NO way that those feelings don't creep through into the meeting, and as long as you are sending those signals out you're going to (guess what) keep having crappy first meetings, which is going to make you not look forward to them... vicious cycle.
It's one thing to be nervous or scared, but to DREAD what you're doing? If I meet a gal who's dreading it, I'm out of there ASAP.
True That NG,
I agree that general attitude can creep into a person's conversation. I read a great profile, get a few nice emails (which can be corrected and pumped up, before sending), and then, when I meet the man, the Real usually comes out. If there is bitterness, resentment, etc...it flows.
Like you, my job requires me to be a happy little chipmunk to close to 1,000 people at a time, when, often, They are not showing their best behaviour,but I understand that. So, when I meet someone and I am disappointed, I do not let it show. If they are very perceptive (like You, and that is rare in a man!:), they might pick up a hint of it, but I doubt it. I do not want to hurt their feelings; just because I do not care for them means little on their planet, as it should be!
I think what we chicks are saying is that the doing the hair, makeup, etc, gets long in the tooth sometimes...you men can get dressed with a washcloth and a hairbrush--we envy that! lol!
But, in the event that I do find Chem 101, I want to be in that cute little handkerchief hem skirt and black knee boots!!!!
So, on we roll, Little Rocks!
I have no dates or plans this weekend, and I am cool with that--better to be alone than with the wrong person!
Truly,
Cupcake
I don't feel much of anything...I'm just going to meet someone. I don't have any preconcieved notions about how things are going to go.
I figure it's fun to meet new people (even if you never see them again). I do always try to look my best. Hey, you never know if there'll be chemistry. But I'm the rare type of woman that picks and outfit, just puts it on and out the door I go. I can get ready in about 30 minutes (that includes the shower).
I'm going to Las Vegas this (my daughter lives there). No men this weekend!!!
Claribeth
Maybe it's because I'm still so new to it (I've had a grand total of 4 first meets), but I think it's fun. I'm usually a little bit nervous also. Mainly, though, I look forward to it. I like the chance to have some adult conversation. Hopefully it'll be adult conversation. Also I like having a reason to get fixed up. And just getting out. And who knows, maybe we'll actually like eachother (stranger things HAVE happened).
-N