How do you say no?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
How do you say no?
1
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:45am

Remember the guy who couldn't plan dates who I went out with a few times? Well, the third time we went out we had a few awkward silences where I was literally thinking, I have nothing to say to him and ended up rambling about random stuff, no real conversation. At the end he kissed me and I just wasn't feeling anything, and I knew he was. A couple of times I pulled away and he just went back to kissing me. He asked me if I wanted to get together again and I froze for a second then said yes b/c I wasn't 100% sure and honestly I didn't have the heart to say no to his face right after kissing. I missed his call the next day and then he called again the following day, so I took the call and told him that I thought he was a great guy and I had enjoyed the time we spent together but I didn't think we were a good match, wished him the best of luck. As I said the words it sounded so trite and I felt really uncomfortable.

This is my least favorite part about dating - it always seems so awkward and I hate hearing the disappointment in his voice. I admit that sometimes I have dodged it by just not taking or returning calls, but I decided this time since I had agreed to another date I owed it to him to tell him I had changed my mind. I'm just wondering if anyone minds sharing - how do you say no? If you've only been out with someone on 1-4 dates, do you just avoid calls or tell him you are no longer interested, and if so, how?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 11:30am

I would have screened the call and then emailed him, rather than tell him on the phone. That's because I feel it puts the recipient of the "bad" (from his perspective) news in an awkward position when you're on the phone together...what's he supposed to say, ya know? I hate being put in that position with someone I barely know, so I don't do it to others.

I personally have a 3 date rule...if I've only been out with the guy 1-2 times, it's ok to ghost (on either side) *unless* you've said something indicating there will be another date (as in your situation)...then you need to send an email. I don't think a phone call breaking things off is necessary until you've been dating for a while or have slept together.

Sheri