How far would you drive?

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
How far would you drive?
20
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 1:19pm

How far are you willing to drive to meet or date someone?

I just got off the phone with a guy who pretty much gave me a lecture on why it was pointless to even be looking at profiles of men that live over an hour's drive away from me. He said that proximity is the key to the success of any relationship. While he had some valid points, my answer was i live in an area where who/what I'm looking for is very limited so I need to either extend the area I'm looking in or lower my standards. Plus, why eliminate a group of guys where there could be potential for something great just because of a little driving?

So my question to you all is, how far is too far? 30 minutes, an hour, two hours, 4 hour flight?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 1:57pm
I'm right there with you. The selection of men in my area is very limited (especially if I want to date someone with a full set of teeth!!!LOL LOL) I actually drove 2 hrs to meet someone once, only after he had been down to my area. So I thought that was even. Umm, besides that the furthest has been 30 minutes.
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 4:05pm

I'd go up to an hour each way

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 8:28pm

I live in LA so keep that in mind; big place.

My thing is if I can't get together once or twice during the week for dinner or some tv or blockbuster watching you can't really get to know someone. I don't want to be in a relationship where we can only hang out on the weekends.

My current BF lives 35 minutes away when there is no traffic and 45-an hour with bad traffic (which is usually the case as I live in LA). He drives up to see me during the week and I go to his place on the weekends. He works from home and I have a corporate job so it works for us. However, with that said, there are still times when it's raining and LA traffic is terrable when that happens and we want to just hang out for an hour or have lunch and it's really not that easy as if we lived 10 minutes away. We see eachother now 4-5 (once in a while 6) days a week but def 4-5 on average. For him this is less than what he's used too when he's in a relationship and for me this is the most.

I do know people who say they'd travel to China to meet their soulmate but for me I don't believe you can truly get to know someone inside and out w/out being closer otherwise it's like you're on your best behavior all the time because your time is limited and I'd rather see their good days and bad days cuz we all have um and see our differences earlier on rather than later but that's just me.

Plus I did briefly date someone in San Diego and honestly that is too far although at the time I was into it but looking back now I'm like "what was I thinking" "that's a long drive". Eventually once the newness wears off one or both won't be wanting to drive that far especially after a long hard work week; you have other errands you need to get done, work out and maintain your own friendships.

Cheers,
SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 8:36pm

Intewesting question. My gut reaction was 15 minutes max. But then if that NYE ex-Marine had made an effort, I would have driven 2-1/2 hours to meet up with him. But that would be a weekend deal only.

I've been getting winks from Virginia and I think that's too far....lol. It's really not. Too far, too short, too hairless, too old, too young - no one is ever just right! Funny how when I was in my late 20's/early 30's and I lived in a little fishbowl of a town called Ojai, CA, there was never a shortage of guys who were perfect for me. I should have stuck it out with one of them. *kicking self*

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 9:26pm
Hehe, I live in Alexandria, VA, only a 10 minute drive to DC and I think Maryland is too far too! Even though most the people I work with live in MD, I cannot imagine dating a guy that far! My current boyfriend (yay, it's been 1.5 months now) lives in Alexandria as well, but it's a good 20 minutes from my place to his, without traffic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 9:24am
Hey, ccsr - I live in Alexandria as well and am currently dating a guy who lives in Gaithersburg! It's a pain, especially on bad weather days like today. We were supposed to go out tonight but I have a feeling he'll cancel due to the snow which is fine with me. It's a mess out there today.
The two Alexandria guys I met thru OLD both ghosted in record time, unfortunately. At least Gaithersburg Boy calls when he says he will :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 11:07am
are things any better on the 'western' shore? I live on the 'eastern' shore and the selection here is terrible. I have expanded my area to Dover and Annapolis just to see more in my search. I think I would drive to Gaithersburg to meet the right guy!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 11:56am
Hi, Donna - Speaking about the DC metro area in general, there are a lot of single guys here, in my age group (40s) but most seem to know there are a lot more single women. One guy even reminded me of that during our first meeting. What a turnoff -- like he was some prize I was lucky to get (he wasn't, trust me). And I've also heard from several guys that since they get contacted by women all the time, they don't have to make the first move.
So the selection here is good -- when I do a search, I get over 30 pages of hits and I'm pretty specific. But the percentage of guys with Kids in Candy Store syndrome is quite high, IMO. You learn quickly to follow Sheri's philosophy of assuming your last phone call/meeting will truly be your last with any particular bloke.
Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 12:43pm

Hi SP,

I live in OC and the guy from the phone call is in Sherman Oaks. So I understand the whole LA traffic thing, especially with all the rain we've had. Yay!! No rain today. :)

In theory I agree with his points and also with what you've written. I don't think you can get to know someone by only spending time together on the weekends. I've done LDRs before and I've vowed not to go down that path again. To me, if you are only spending the weekend together, you're only experiencing the "honeymoon" period because you only get that limited amount of time to spend together so you want to enjoy every second of it. My most recent ex-BF lived 15-20 minutes from me depending on traffic and I loved that we could see each other whenever we wanted.

But, I've really limited my search to someone who shares my same religion. Unfortunately in OC, it's the same 40 guys online. So my choices are either lower my standards (which I really don't want to do) or expand my search outside of OC into LA.

I suppose when it's the right time and the right guy, the distance won't be an issue.

Thanks for sharing!

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 12:47pm

Thanks everyone for sharing your opinion!

I agree with the consensus that closer is better. I just wish my options of the men closest to me were better. :)

As I just wrote in another answer, perhaps when the timing is right and the guy is right- distance won't be an issue. Until then I'll just keep trucking along. :)

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