How to get someone to meet in real life

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
How to get someone to meet in real life
15
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 2:11pm

So I have just signed up for OLD and not having much success so far in even getting guys to be at all interested.

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Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 2:48pm

Hi

chaika

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 4:53pm

(((SIGH)))

Call me old fashioned, but I let the guy suggest the first meet. I also don't contact first, but that's just me. It's just that in the past, I used to initiate more, and I just feel that for me, it's better if the man makes the first move. It's not that I can't. Now this isn't to say I don't make it easy for him to do so--I send signals that let him know I'm interested, so just ask me out already. If a guy doesn't seem that serious in his emails, I just take a long time to get back to him, if at all.

But that doesn't answer your question. First of all, I see no need to be aggressive, or even assertive. You have to both want to meet. It really depends on how the email exchange is going but I would say a meeting should be suggested within 3 emails as a general rule. The Rules for Online Dating is very harsh about this and says you should stop corresponding with a man who doesn't suggest meeting within three emails. They feel that he's just going to waste your time with endless emailing. Well, maybe. I suppose the best way to suggest meeting is that it just comes out in the correspondence ("Would love to talk about this over a cup of coffee...")

I think if you are going to suggest meeting, just be direct, but don't be tied to the outcome. It could be as simple as "I've enjoyed our correspondence, would you like to meet for a drink/coffee soon?" I know you've done OLD before, so you know how it is: they can seem really interested and then nothing. They can make plans to meet, then cancel. And I wouldn't assume anything about anyone on an OLD site. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 9:13pm

I think 3 emails is a little quick, esp. when the first ones are just kind of general.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 3:59am
xxxs wrote:

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 11:45am

At the other extreme, I had a couple of guys who after maybe 1 email were asking for my phone number.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 8:19pm
musiclover12 wrote:

At the other extreme, I had a couple of guys who after maybe 1 email were asking for my phone number.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 12:20am

My BF and I wrote back and forth, lengthy emails, seven or eight times before he asked to meet. Had he not asked me when he did, I was getting ready to do so myself. He told me later, after we were a couple, that he had been really afraid I would say no.

I'd say that the vast majority of the time I have actually met someone from online they asked me out fairly quickly (ort I did). I'm glad I never stuck to any arbitrary rules about it though. Every person is a little different. One person said it right above though, you really can't let yourself get emotionally invested with someone you haven't met yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 10:45am

Well after agreeing to exchange our real email addresses (and his has his real name in it) so I figured we were at least progressing a little, then I haven't heard from him in 2 days, so I guess he's losing interest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 11:30am

I don’t think not hearing from someone you haven’t even met for 2 days indicates lack of interest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 1:26pm

I was lurking to get advice but I wasn't actually doing OLD myself.

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