How important is a fit body to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
How important is a fit body to you?
7
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 9:07pm
I am a fairly healthy person. I work out regularly and eat well. When it comes to men, I would like to be with someone who takes their health seriously. I have dated men who are lanky and seldom work out. I haven't ever dated overweight men though until recently. Most of the men I date are between 31 and 35 years old. The metabolism slows around this age, right. Also, sometimes it's hard to find the time to work out when you have a busy work schedule. Lately I haven't been turned off by men who are overweight. I also know that if I get into a good relationship I can cook healthy meals and get them healthy without ever bringing up their health. I have some secret south beach diet recipes that i can sneak in without him knowing he's eating healthy. ;) I know, I know, I shouldn't be ready to change someone. I'm more saying the opposite, that I am tolerant of maybe up to 15 extra pounds. He's got to have a history of working out though and be willing to go biking with me, walking or some other exercise sometimes. Ultimately, the man must be somewhat interested in his own health (eating well and exercising) and show this over time (on his own) or I will probably not want to continue dating. Hopefully he will be encouraged by seeing how often I work out and how I eat. My last bf caught on to this and started eating healthy without my ever "trying" to get him to be that way. He just saw how motivated I was and caught on to it. It was funny ...6 months after we broke up we happened to talk one day and he said that aspect of our relationship was one of his fond memories of how I affected his life (I won't mention the negatives..lol).
I know every one has a different set of priorities and expectations. So, what are you all's preferences? Do you always look at the "body type" section of OLD profiles? Would you be mad if you met someone in person who was more overweight than their pictures showed and body type/weight description?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 10:08pm

I don't have the most fit body - I have a belly and do not work out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 1:09am

I hate to sound shallow but for me the bars been set pretty high because most of the men I dated are quite fit and muscular. Therefore, when I'm searching or responding to emails I make sure their profile says fit or athletic. I'm also quite fit and slim because I eat healthy and I try to keep fit so I expect my partner to be the same. Mind you my ex was a little on the excessive side of being overly concerned with his and my body fat percentage that I started feeling paranoid about my body weight....now when I look for a mate I want to make sure that he's not Mr. Olympia and are willing to splurge once in a while....

Tea

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:07am

I am famous for giving all types of men a chance. My only reservation is if they have children.

I think that if we limit ourselves to a specific type (and yes I totally respect what is attractive and what is not to each individual person) we may somehow miss out on someone who is fabulous but not so "fit" using your word.

The negative side to my answer is W is a very large man. When we started "chatting" I was concerned because I had lost a large amount of weight and was completely focussed on losing the rest. Sometime around May I stopped that diligent effort and now have gained some weight back. Is that because of him?? Who knows??? I do see him eating differently himself and I won't take the credit for that but who knows.

If you are completely into the work out healthy eating lifestyle I would suggest you stick real close to that when choosing a mate. And yes, you are right don't go into thinking you can change anyone because as I know first hand that will not work out for you and break your heart because by the time you realize it your heart is invested.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:58am

lol I would normally say it is important . . . but darn it I've developed quite the crush on that rugged teddy bear guy who plays the bartender on "Men in Trees". . .

But that probably goes directly to personality as the character himself is an absolute sweetie . . . and that's made the package very attractive :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:44am

THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY ABOUT DISQUALIFYING MEN BY THEIR PICTURE!!! You never know who you will pass up. Can you imagine passing up that big ole teddy bear of a man that will treat you like a Queen because you looked at his pic and saw the weight and instantly made a decision based on looks??????????

MY POINT EXACTLY PEOPLE!!!

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 11:15am

Mark was overweight, although was still attractive to me. I consider myself average and do some exercises but otherwise am not really obsessed about it. I am now on a low-carb diet in order to lose a few pounds. However, I do not own any scales and can tell by my pants or jeans if I need to lose.

I learned something during my time with Mark. I learned that I could be attracted to someone who was a bit heavier. But, I will also say that his diabetic condition along with his weight issues did cause some problems in the relationship. I encouraged him about exercising only because his doctor told him if he could lose some weight, he could probably get off his medicine. He was simply not interested in talking about or doing exercises. Depression seemed to set in right around that time. He was angry at his diagnosis and refused to see the consequences if he did nothing to change things.

In case others are not aware of this, weight issues &/or diabetic issues can and are likely to affect a guy's sex life. I noticed some "problems" even before his diagnosis. Quite simply, he not only had ED issues, but I think he did not have the drive or energy to have a "normal" sex life. Every 7 days seemed not very normal to me, especially when the relationship was still fairly new. I feared not being attractive enough, but looking back, it was his issues, not mine. I learned (or maybe re-learned) that men are real good about using denial to get through things or ignore problems.

So a guy can be very attractive to me and still be overweight, but if his weight causes health problems and he refuses to do something about it, I am likely to not have a lot of patience the next time. That was just one more thing I could not solve for this last guy. I cared about him a lot, despite everything else, but I am much more aware of the problems with weight than I was prior to getting involved with him. There is no crime in being overweight, but you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to try to do something about it if it starts to damage your health and your love life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 2:31pm
I hope I don't sound shallow in this respect but yes, having a decently fit body is very important to me when dating someone. I don't expect someone to have the perfect body and of course they can be a few pounds over the ideal weight and can have a little belly (doesn't have to be perfectly flat belly), but I do want someone that takes care of himself overall. I guess in a sense I was blessed and probably will never be overweight because of my parents and genetics but I try to work on my body too, not as much as I probably should or could and I'm not perfect by any means but I do try to keep a pretty fit physique. So in that sense I kind of like to date my equal and I want someone I'm with to care about themselves enough to want to live a long, healthy life with me. I don't eat as healthy as I should either but overall I try to avoid fast foods as much as I can and try not to overindulge or eat too many sweets and avoid sugary drinks like sodas. So yes, having a at least a semi-fit/healthy lifestyle is very important to me in dating.