how to keep a casual date "casual'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
how to keep a casual date "casual'?
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 5:22pm

How to keep a casual relationship “casual”?

I have been seeing a woman for the past month that I met on Plenty of Fish.  If anyone is familiar with POF, they have different statuses of what you are looking for.  Long story short, both her and I had looking for “dating, but nothing serious”, and her ad self-description said she was interested in casual dating, but open to further if it happens. 

So we have been doing that, meeting up and either going out for dinner, or staying in at each other’s homes and cooking, and shortly adjourning to bed for the evening.  We don’t discuss the future, make plans for romantic dates like the movies, or anything of that sort.  We do text throughout the day and usually talk over the phone nightly. She did invite me to a Halloween party at the end of the month where we will be staying in a hotel.  I am starting to sense that feelings might be starting to develop on BOTH of our ends.  She seems to want to get together more and more often, and I will admit I am enjoying the companionship and affection, and always look forward to seeing her again.  Especially as I am getting over the breakup of my 3-year relationship back from back in April.

The thing is this… as much as I truly enjoy her company, even outside of the intimacy, I don’t see a chemistry or connection in terms of intrinsic qualities and interests.  And while I am keeping an open mind in case things do go further naturally, I still want to continue to see other people, and might end up pursuing someone else in the end.  The only problem and roadblock that has painfully been occupying my mind is that I don’t want to hurt the one I am “seeing” now, or lose a possible friendship.  I tend to be a sensitive person, and that sensitivity also falls on worrying about other’s feelings, because I know how painful it is to be heartbroken like that.

I might be putting the cart before the horse, but I’d rather be prepared and avoid any potential pain or heartache and lose someone I do care about, even if she can stay as a friend. 

Anyone have advice how to move forward?  Should I say something or talk these things over with my “casual” friend?  See if she still indeed wants to keep it casual?

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 6:09pm
I would definitely talk it over with her. Many women, myself included, would have a really hard time keeping it casual when sex is involved. That's how we bond with our partners.