How long after a divorce ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
How long after a divorce ......
14
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:24am
Hello,
I'm new to this site.
I have a question.
How long should a person wait after a divorce to start dating?
I was with my ex for 7 years...was married to him 1yr and 4months within the 7 years.
I don't remember ever really dating him.I think that we started out just hanging out as friends and it was then that I developed a crush.
Anyways...the divorce was finalized this past Dec. It's now Feb.Is there a mourning period that divorce people go through before dating again?Also I'm a very shy person and I wouldn't know the first thing about 'dating'.I do enjoy e-mailing people alot.I'm on 4 'dating' sites BUT I really only want to e-mail BUT since I've been on these sites...I have gotten 3 replies from guys.2 gave me their cell numbers to call them and one wanted to meet me for coffee.I feel that this is all too soon!!
I need advice please.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 10:39am
I too believe that when you're separated....that you're STILL married.I'm glad that here in New Mexico..it's not like that.Imagine wanting to get a divorce and having to wait a year!!! How horrible.In my case..I really didn't want to get a divorce but there was a serious issue that my ex refused to deal with and it was bringing me down.So to save myself...I got the divorce.Imagine right before the year..you actually meet soneone?!I'm the sort that since I'd be legally married...I would not be able to persue soemone else.Which states have that law by the way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:14am
Since you did not want to get divorced too, I think that adds to the fact that you are definitely not ready to date so soon afterward. I don't mean this in a mean way at all, but just something you might want to think about in your "self discover" now that you are single... Do you feel like you HAVE to be in a relationship? Right now, it's a good idea for you to take some time to get to know you again and what you're looking for in a relationship. That way, what happened with your ex hopefully won't happen again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 4:47pm

If you don't feel comfortable, don't put your profile on dating sites. If you are just wanting to talk with someone online, go into a local chatroom. If you happen to hit it off with someone, there is no harm in meeting in a public place during the day to have coffee. Don't push yourself to get back out there if you are not ready.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 4:36pm

From someone who was in your shoes (married) for about the same length of time...

*You* have to feel comfortable with the "when". Everyone is different, and the beauty of online dating is that you can control the level and frequency of interaction - and it is definitely more of an art than a science.

I personally fell out of love with my husband many years before the separation, so for me, getting (slowly) back into the game was a very positive and fun re-acquaintenace with dating.

Don't rush anything. Have fun with every experience (date). You *will* invest time with persons who will ultimately not be right for you. It was five years and many 'lessons learned' before I found someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Part luck, part alot of work!

Best to you,
RedRiderRR

 

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