How Long DO you wait then?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
How Long DO you wait then?
22
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 12:30am

Hi Y'all,

Of course, since I am now known as the Southern distributor of enticing sex queries here, let's go for another one! :)

If you like someone, and you go out for a while, how Long do you wait to have sex with them? True that you might not, like me, be the kind to go right at it and do 'throwdown sex',because you are afraid that the man will think you do that with Every date you have? I want to get to know the man, but what is a reasonable time frame for that?

Can one 'play' below the Levi's waistband,or do you stick to just kissing til then?

what say you?

Truly,
Cupcake




Edited 3/15/2005 1:31 am ET ET by cupcakechic

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 12:54am

Well, I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone until we've agreed to date exclusively, and it usually takes me at least a month of dating someone regularly to get to know someone well enough to know if I want to date him exclusively. In the past, I've usually waited about six weeks. The few times that I've NOT waited that long, I've lived to regret it. This time around, I've decided I'm waiting at least two months.

And nothing below the waist before then ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:18am
Oh, it really depends... I wait until I'm comfortable enough, not really in amount of time, but maybe how many dates we had, how much time we have actually spent together... Sometimes that's a few weeks (I'd say no more than a month though), sometimes a few days. With my current boyfriend we ended up sleeping together on our second date and though I usually wait longer than that, I was comfortable, I admit I had a few drinks on me, and at the time I thought "what the heck, it's been a while" We ended up spending all weekend together (and it was a long weekend too), and now we've been dating for two months. I've waited a month before to have the guy disappear, this time it was only a couple of dates and he stuck around, you can never really know with these things, can you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 5:40am

Who cares what anyone else thinks? You're a grown woman - you decide. If you wanna have throwdown sex, you have it. If ya don't, ya won't.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 8:49am

I have two sides of my personality that will answer this question for you. Here goes:

Heart: If the proper cues are there, the clothes will come off... "reckless is he"

Mind: I really want to get to know the person first so the sex becomes even more enjoyable. This may take longer of course. But let's just say I'm not a priest even in this mode...

TT

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 8:55am

I know the standard response is "when you feel comfortable" but comfort really isn't the issue, is it? I think the real issue is "when I feel I won't be wasting the pretty".

Every time I've gone horizontal it has been by my own choice, my own desires at work. It was a natural progression when getting to know someone. And, really, being with me is never a waste of time. It can be annoying, but... :) My point is, when I felt comfortable with a man and enticed by him, we did it. Whether or not we would continue to do it depends on what else I get to know about him.

cupcake, I know you're a lady in the true sense of the word. And I'm sorry, but I have a problem with viewing sex as something a woman gives to a man who has earned it (i.e. has given indications that he will stick around post-coitally). Women don't like to view it that way, but that's what it is if you're holding sex back in reserve.

It's a part of you, of everyone, and a very natural and fun way to spend time together.

And hear this: any man who would think less of a woman because she slept with him is a juvenile, control-freak moron. And good riddance to him.

So how long do I wait? Until he interests me and I decide he isn't a moron.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 9:38am

Hi Y'all,

Always good to hear what everyone thinks!! Thank you, I Try to be a lady..at times, I fail Wonderfully! ;)

I think you may be right, Amjay, that I am waiting until he 'deserves' it(that criteria being is that he shows more heart,intelligence and integrity than the Others on OLD!), but,more, I guess sex means a lot to me, and I want to TRY to be sure I am giving of that part of me,where it will be appreciated. But...we all know there are No guarantees there!

I care what he thinks of me, not so much as using it as a bargaining tool.(but you are on target, Amjay!) When you begin to like someone, respect is at the top of my list, along with some rowdy chemistry! I have not gotten the feeling that he would not do the 'get/ghost' shuffle, but....ahhh, I have been fooled before, Grasshopper!

In the long run, you all are right too. Though I am the size of your average 7th grade girl, I am 'growed up' and can make choices, as Long as I can handle whatever outcome follows.

Man, this 'adult' stuff sucks big air, sometimes,huh? I really want to Brat This!

Thanks again to everyone and keep it comin'!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 9:47am

Good morning, cupcake! Didn't expect you to be online this early.

Another thing I needed to say: decision making. I dislike the feeling of having regrets, so when I make my decisions I make them "clean". That is, even if things don't work out exactly as I planned I would not regret doing them. I may be made sad, but I will pat myself on the back that at least I took action, accepted the risks.

Something that has worked for me.

And I agree, this adult stuff can be trying!! We're all a work in progress, I guess, no matter what our age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:01am

Hi Amjay.

On the rebounce to you--Buenas Dias! Off today and I Have to slay the laundry monster!

What you said is So wonderfully true, and you state it so well, too! :)

SO many times, I know, in my heart and mind, Exactly what to do...but....man, I want to do the "other" thing, as it is often the easier path. In the long run, the Best path is the hardest one, but worth the trek. Regrets are lonely hunters, too; best to put them to rest and move on.

Just REALLY trying to baby step here. So far, Mr Now is really doing it right; called me again after I had posted here last night, was heading to bed to watch the news, and he called to say "g'nite", which is SO my cup of tea in a man!

We shall see...I need to be the Turtle in this race, not the Hare, this time!

Truly,
Cupcake
(on to fold towels..ewwwwwww)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:05am
Hey Cupcake,
I think it's whatever feels right as long as you are willing to deal with consequences (ghosting).
Usually if it's someone who has a big potential in the long run I would wait a bit ( 1-2 month) so not to leave the wrong impression (I know it's all games but we live in a judgmental society) but if it's a fun only relationship - jump in when it feels good ( how immoral of me, I once stayed at the guy's house after the 2nd date).
I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:14am

Hi iV,

No, no sitting on the judge's bench for the Cupcake! I think that you Can give advice about this, and I appreciate yours--I am leaning that way--to wait, so that I can hope it helps the rest of this develop into what we might both be looking for. But...you did as You wanted to, and that is really where the key to all of this lies--how YOU want to deal with it. After all, it IS your planet!

I am not sure who the "they" is that dictates our society!? I do know I have heard from men the: "you are a big girl, no parents to answer to, do as you wish", and then....here comes that Anvil, Wylie Coyote! Since this feels like something I like, so far, I am not gonna rush past this little pool of happiness and straight to the big old ocean!

Or so I hope.....Impulsive CAN be great,too.

This is like being at Baskin-Robbins ice cream store with a 25 dollar Gift Certificate--help!!!!! :0

Truly,
Cupcake

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