How long till you meet? & is this crazy?
Find a Conversation
How long till you meet? & is this crazy?
| Tue, 12-19-2006 - 2:45am |
I have been talking to a guy online for 4 months now. Before him, I was kind of against online dating. But ever since we started talking, my whole mind set changed. I don't know if I am sane or not, but my feelings for him are so deep. We talk on the phone every night for like 5 hours, and we just can't get enough of each other. We've told each other more than we've told anyone else, and we claim to each other that we know each other better than anyone else has ever known us. Everything is perfect - except for the fact that we havent met. Do you think that talking for a while before you meet is okay? and do you think there is a limit to how long you wait? He really wants to meet, and I do too, but I guess I like how we're taking things slow. He thinks 4 months is too long. Any advice, what are your opinions? And do you think it's crazy to feel like you're almost in love with someone when you havent met them?

Wow! How long until you meet? Sooner than 4 months, that's for sure!!! Personally, I like to email maybe 2-3 times, talk on the phone for about 10 minutes and then meet for coffee to see if we hit it off in person.
What's the hold up????
By talking so long before meeting, you've fallen into one of the major pitfalls of online dating--the false sense of intimacy you can get with a stranger by talking too long before meeting. You don't know this man. You know the persona he projects online and on the phone--that's it.
You're not taking things "slowly", you're living a fantasy relationship. If you want reality, meet, and take it slowly IN PERSON.
I don't think you're "crazy" (it definitely is possible to get very attached to the fantasy), but I do believe that nothing is real until you meet in person. So do it already!!!
Sheri
Rocklady
I think there are many elements missing in a "relationship" if you do not meet them. I think talking on the phone certainly helps to get to know someone, but there are things about the person you could not possibly know without being around them. Least of all would be if they are physically attractive to you. I have heard many stories of where there seemed to be a lot of "chemistry" on the phone or you liked the sound of their voice, only to be totally turned off by their looks. It happens. I think after 4 months, it is high time to meet this person. Only then will you know if you are attracted to them physically.
If he balks at doing this, ask yourself why he might be content to be a phone buddy only. Is he married or already in a relationship? There are men online who get their jollies out of pretending to be "into" someone and will e-mail, instant message or even call someone for weeks or months but are not willing to get in their car to actually meet anyone. These men are a waste of time if they are not willing to do that. The sooner you find out what he's like in person, the better. If he rebuffs your suggestions to meet, then you probably need to move on.
Every reply to your message is right on! Four months is WAY too long, 4 weeks is WAY too long. False expectations are built up for sure! You get emotionally attached to someone you really don't know at all, except what they say or write. I got caught up in a couple of guys when I started OLD and thought we were the "perfect" match after talking on the phone daily for TWO weeks....again too much talking before meeting. When we finally met, OMG, their pic didn't represent what they looked like at all! In fact, one guy had pics that were about 10 years old, and we had built this great "feeling" over the phone and I was very disappointed when we met. He didn't understand "why" I wasn't attracted to him after the two weeks of phone conversations.....duh....you misrepresented yourself!
Now that I'm wiser, I will only email 2-3 times, then talk on the phone once or twice then meet the guy. You NEVER really know anyone until you actually spend face-to-face time with them, over a period of time! People can say anything that sounds charming and wonderful, but do their actions support their loving words? Only time tells the truth and it takes physical time together to really get to know a person.
I hope this works out for you, but based on my experiences, the chance of success is low because the expectations, from both of you, are probably unrealistic. Like one of the comments said, you are living in a fantasy world until you meet the guy. Meet the guy, if he won't meet you, NEXT him now! He is probably a serial phone talker and possibly in a relationship already if he won't meet you!