How long to wait for replies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
How long to wait for replies?
15
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:41pm

I have ventured back into the dating pool and decided to try my luck with eharmony. I currently am in the open communication phase with six men, a couple of whom haven't answered a message I sent to them a week ago.

I'm not upset about this, I'm just thinking if they take so long to respond to me now, that this foretells what communication will be like if or when a relationship develops.
Part of the reason my last relationship ended was because he was awful about communicating with me on any level (and all our communication was through e-mail) about plans for the weekend or just to let me know how he was doing or to ask how I was. On my birthdays, he didn't do a thing. Not even an e-mail. That really hurt my feelings and I don't want the same in my next relationship.

Am I reading too much into this and overreacting?

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:49pm

Well the difference is that these guys aren't in a relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:28pm
First of all, the fact that you have 6 matches from eHarmony is pretty awesome! I never had that kind of luck with them! Anyway, I do Match.com and my general rule of thumb is 2 days. If they don't respond within 2 days I remove their profile. That way I can no longer see them and I just forget about them and move on. They can still email me - and if they do it's a pleasant surprise - but my experience has been that usually if they haven't responded within 2 days they're not interested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:19pm

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Hi Debbie,
I'm on match as well. Do you think it's okay to let 1 day slide before responding? Because I was reading some articles and they suggested that early on it is not good to play games (hard to get) until a real dating/relationship is established. I'm afraid that if I respond to their e-mails right away, that I will come across as too eager and then turn them off somehow...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:21pm

I just checked the site and one of the guys decided to close communication with me because "he has too much going on his life right now." I'm glad he did and that I found out now. I think that's a sign of things to come, that he wouldn't have time for a relationship anyway.

Your rule is a good one. I'm closing communication with the other matches tonight. Three of them, I haven't heard a thing since last weekend, so either they're not interested or they've found someone else they'd rather pursue things with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:27pm

I have a HUGE confession to make. I recently played a game - the wait to reply game! I actually thought to myself (and emailed someone in a tizzy) "I don't want him to think I'm eager so I'll wait". I still can't believe I stooped to that.

In real life, I return phone and email messages at the first possible chance. But this time I turned all squirrly-girrly and waited 3 whole hours. I meant to wait 24 hours but...

I tell you the above so you can take the following with a grain of salt, coming from me:

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Girlfriend, it is NEVER appropriate to play games with people. You can't control what people think, or how they will react to you, so it's best to be yourself at all times. Karma dictates that he will return that favour!

Go get him!!

Good luck!
amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:35pm

I am with you amjay.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:44pm

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lol..so what happened in this situation? Did he return the reply? Or no?

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*SIGH* it's so hard to know when to do the right thing with these guys...
If they see you online, they get turned off and then may not reply because they think your looking for other guys (god forbid, huh?) and then their ego is shot to pieces.
I once had a guy ask me out on a date, and the date went well, I knew he was attracted to me and we even made plans to go on a second..he asked me if I was still going on the site and receiving e-mails and smileys and I said "yes". After that I never heard from him again. lol. He's immature. I paid for the site service, so I'm going to use it. We did not make an agreement that we would be exclusive to each other so it is my RIGHT to go on other dates and e-mail people until that agreement is made. Such a double standard here, men can do whatever they want but women can't? Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:44pm
LOL -- I tell you, it was torture!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:47pm
Same exact thing happened to me and you know what? You don't want that type of guy anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:20pm
I learned the hard way on that. A couple of guys I really liked ghosted on me and, in retrospect, I think it was because I would email back right away. To me it was just natural but to them I may have appeared desparate. Now I wait a day - or at least 6 hours or so - before I email them back. Seems to work better that way. I don't see it as a game. It's just that they are "wired" to think differently than we are and it's all about what they perceive. I wasn't needy or desparate but these guys perceived that. Now I'm more careful about perception.

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