How long to wait for replies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
How long to wait for replies?
15
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:41pm

I have ventured back into the dating pool and decided to try my luck with eharmony. I currently am in the open communication phase with six men, a couple of whom haven't answered a message I sent to them a week ago.

I'm not upset about this, I'm just thinking if they take so long to respond to me now, that this foretells what communication will be like if or when a relationship develops.
Part of the reason my last relationship ended was because he was awful about communicating with me on any level (and all our communication was through e-mail) about plans for the weekend or just to let me know how he was doing or to ask how I was. On my birthdays, he didn't do a thing. Not even an e-mail. That really hurt my feelings and I don't want the same in my next relationship.

Am I reading too much into this and overreacting?

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:54pm

Sometimes I wait a half a day or so, sometimes I write right back. I don't really keep track of who I email. If they write back, great....if not, oh well. I try not to rely too much on a reply. It helps.

Some people don't even check their mail everyday so I wouldn't want to write anyone off prematurely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:55pm
Did they actually tell you that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 11:01pm
I know, I know....it could've been anything. (And, no, they didn't tell me it was that because they had already ghosted! ;-) All I know is that I've had better luck since I've been waiting and not "pouncing" on them right away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 12:10am
same thing happened to me too. After I denied to let a guy see my webcam, he never online and never called me again. Before that, he even said he wanted to have a serious relationship with me, and he wanted to have a 2nd date. I emailed him back after I waited one week to ask him why he disappeared and I told him I will not bother him if he doesn't want to talk to me any more, he replied me back after 12 hours said he's been busy with his work..........so I guess I got ghost too :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 11:59am

I don't think daily e-mails from each other is too much contact if you're interested in the other person. Even a one or two-sentence e-mail is enough to stay in touch until you want more conversation. I personally like it when they want to call me on the phone since instant msg. and e-mails are sort of impersonal after a while. You can get the feel for a person better via phone than online usually. Of course, in person is best, but until you get to that stage, a phone call is nice.

I tend to think that if someone waits more than a couple days to respond to an e-mail, that they either aren't that interested or they are simply too busy, which doesn't bode well for someone who is supposedly wanting to meet/date someone. If you have little to no time to e-mail someone, then chances are they won't have time to date either. I've run into the problem of men who have their kids either all the time or half the time. While I would have no respect for a man who didn't take his parenting role seriously, likewise, I question why a man has his profile on a dating site if he has next to zero time for dating.

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