How long would you expect?
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How long would you expect?
| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 12:06pm |
If you met someone online (or elsewhere) and they had ended a year and 1/2 relationship recently, how long would you expect they would wait before starting to date again? My x-bf and I broke up in early May, but didn't see each other at all for a month before the breakup, and saw each other two times after, the last time being in June. The relationship was always uncertain and we broke up mostly because we could never get to the committment stage. I loved him and I miss him, but those feelings are fading now and I am ready to start meeting new people. Would someone else think that is too soon?


I think you only really know if you're ready when you go out on a date and find out.
I got out of a 15 month relationship (that should have ended before it began) and had so much going on, I didn't date at all for almost a year. And even that date felt very weird. But I also hadn't taken the time to get deal with and move on from that relationship. So now, I've finally had time to do that, to do the reflection I needed, and to move forward. Now, I'm ready. That reflection has only taken a few weeks, now that I've finally done it.
Think of it like training wheels. You take them off when you think you're ready, but you still won't really know until they're off. You may fall down, or you may be fine.
JMO,
giJ
They might...but honestly, guys are much less likely to care about that type of stuff than women are.
What's important is whether YOU feel ready. I liked what someone posted on the other board about whether you're ready to fully open your heart to someone new or not.
Sheri
I often make a mistake of immediately trying to date someone after a break up.
CL-Truewild1969
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No, I don't want to use a new relationship to get over the old one. I agree, I don't think that is fair to anyone I might date or myself. This is all new to me though, I've never had to 'get over' anyone before, because except for my first relationship at age 17, I never gave my heart in a relationship until now. I've spent a lot of time and energy working on myself the past two years, I've built a life post-divorce that I am very happy with, my life (my career, my life as a mom, my finances) are all very well settled and stable, the only upcoming change is that I hope to buy a house at the end of this year. I had a lot of hopes for my past relationship that just didn't pan out, and I knew all along I was taking a risk that they wouldn't. I was always waiting for my past relationship to be a 'real' relationship where we talked about the future and made plans and were really part of each other's lives, but that never happened. The end of the relationship was no surprise, although it was sad.
The reason I am thinking of starting to date again is that I feel I've taken time to allow my heart to heal and I finally feel that I can put this relationship in my past and move on. I want to date because the idea of getting back out there and meeting new people is more and more appealing. I don't know if my heart is 100% open. I like the analogy in an earlier post about training wheels. If I start emailing, talking to or meeting new people and my heart isn't open, I'll know that right away and could always back off if I needed to, right?
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Go for it!!! Have some fun!!!
amjay
If YOU feel you are ready to start meeting new people...then you are ready. I think its important to keep mindful not to drag anyone new into your old relationship however. Not fair to the new person. Keep mindful of that and you will be doing yourself and someone new a big favor. Sure you can expound on your past experiences a lil (not at nauseum tho)but to just as a way of telling them "who" you are...
Curious on this one thing tho: if you feel ready...why the question? Its not a matter for etiquette so what is the motivation behind the question?
good wishes for you,
Lizzie
>>>Curious on this one thing tho: if you feel ready...why the question? Its not a matter for etiquette so what is the motivation behind the question?<<<
Good question. I asked here because it's all new to me, I've never done this before. The last time I experienced heartbreak I was 17. I left my 9 year marriage and jumped right into dating because my marriage had been dead a long time. I wasn't sure if maybe there is some general rule like you should be broken up for 6 months, they way they say your divorce should be final for a year before you date (not that I listened to that rule). I knew if there was an issue with it you guys would be sure to make me aware of it. Despite the 'kindler gentler' thread, this board does tell it like it is.
No, it really doesn't matter. I consider it part of a good decision making process. I make a decision based on what I think and then check with other reliable sources or experts to see if they agree, or if they disagree, why. All the responses here have made me feel even more confident that I'm on the right track.
There is one profile right now on yahoo that interests me a lot, and a few others that are good possibilites. I'll work on the picture side of things and get it up and running shortly (probably yahoo and match) and see what happens from there :) Thanks.