How to not be bitter.........
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 03-06-2005 - 10:01am |
I am and I know it. You can tell in my posts I'm sure. I'm sorry for raining on ya'lls parade sometimes and for not having a happy-go-lucky attitude regarding dating. I'm in a rut regarding men. Every time I've believed in a boyfriend and thought it would go the long haul, it didn't. Every time I heard "I love you", I thought he meant it. Alas, I am alone still and pissed off....lol. I meant everything I said and did in all my relationships. Why did they not evolve into more? I know I'm the common denominator so there is that work I need to do. I had a counselor back in Minnesota who helped me fix my picker outer - he was great. And now that it's fixed (?) I'm scared to try it out for fear of getting stomped on again.
How do YOU go on? I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a broken heart or spirit from so many crappy relationships. I used to wake up every morning with a "bring it on" attitude. I haven't felt that way in about two years. Do I need drugs? How do you get excited about life again?
Lisa

Pages
My counselor told me "you don't marry happy, you don't date happy, and you don't give birth to happy." Being happy is internal. Now figuring that out is where I'm at. Always had boyfriends to pre-occupy me....lol.
I used to dream of having my wedding on the sprawling front yard on my parents farm, overlooking the rolling hills of harvest in the fall. Do you know I haven't really thought about that for a LONG time? Did I give up?
Just having regular sex would be nice. Little steps first....lol.
Lisa
I'm a big believer that ultimately we get what we believe we deserve in this life. Our beliefs shape our experience. For example, I have really positive beliefs about money. I know what I'm worth and I have this belief that money will always be there for me. And it has been. I'm great at creating money. My best friend, however, is horrible at it. She just does not believe she is worthy and struggles to create abundance in her life.
Our beliefs and attitude about anything directly affects what we get. So if we're walking around saying "I can't have a relationship. Men are liars. This is too difficult." then that will be our experience. How can it be anything other than that?
I think it can be really difficult to shift your attitude when your past and present experience tells you to believe otherwise. However, if you don't change your inner beliefs, your outer experiences will not change either.
The happiest people I know have this uncanny ability to put things into perspective and to always find a silver lining in a dark cloud. They pick themselves up and find something positive in a situation and move on, carrying with them an important life lesson. But they don't let setbacks keep them from moving towards their goal.
Two of the most inspiring books I have read that I often pick-up and reread when I'm feeling down about things are "What Doesn't Kill You Makes you Stronger" and "Heal Your Life". Both great, great books that always give me the little lift I need when I'm ready to throw in the towel.
One of the best quotes I've ever heard is "You can't have a happy ending to an unhappy journey" which always reminds that it is this very moment that defines our happiness, so what are you doing now to be happy? Sometimes we put so much energy into "finding love" and forget that there is love all around us in this very moment that gets a backseat to this dating thing. I bet if we all spent more time finding people to love everyday, we wouldn't be seeking it so much.
<
I sooooo hear ya! Our office always has young articling students running around and they are turning me into a cougar!!! All that energy and puppy-dog eyes is making it hard to sit still.
I am one sick chick, I tell ya!
Hey lisa. I also unfortunately can't offer you much advice on how to cope with this and not be bitter because you can tell by my earlier post that I am there too. I am so tired of not having a successful relationship. All guys for me either want to be my friend or want to sleep with me. They don't want to have a relationship with me. In the past, I have been so desperate for love that I would be in one of those relationships where he told me he didn't want commitment thinking that someday he would change because what we had was so great. Well, it never did. I can't say I was never warned. Now, I won't get into something if a guy tells me that kind of a thing. I wind up wrecking my self esteem and feeling a lot lonlier than I did when I was alone.
I wish I could help you get out of your doldrums. But right now, I am having a hard time helping myself get out of them. I'm sitting in my pjs right now in front of the computer with a really bad Lifetime movie on. It's the one where Jennie Garth hires someone to kill her husband. hee, hee. At least I can always watch those and they make me feel better.
Thanks for trying though, vex. I appreciate it. Just nice to know we're not alone. Do you know that it is beautiful outside and I'm sittin' here, surfing eBay, posting here, and am watching the Fashion Police? I should be outside doing something. What happened to my go-getter?
Lisa
Yes, sounds like what I used to do and still do on occasion.
I also travel for my job and occasionally I just want to be home.
Hi Lisa,
I know its easier said then done but ...meet more people.
I used to manage restaurants and was meeting about 3oo people evey night. (Thats a lot of possibilities.)
When you know your phone is always going to ring, you are not so quick to settle for less than you deserve. You don't put so much stock into the words "I love you", guys really have to prove it.
My strong suggestion is to join some area networking groups and or hostess at a fine dining restaurant 1 or 2 days a week.
It gives you a reason to get dressed up AND it is your job to talk to everyone in the room.
If there are no networking groups around you...start your own!
Find a restaurant that could use 20-30 extra people on a weekday night and start e-mailing and talking to the buisness owners in your community. Invite all of your friends and then introduce everyone to each other. You will be the hostess with the contacts and possibilities AND you are meeting EVERYONE in the room!
Dang that was a great post. I keep reading it over and over. I wanna be one of those people and I believe I used to be. I will check out those two books too. Thank you so much!
Lisa
Would you be willing to let me look at your Match profile?
Pages