How Often Do You Instant Message A Guy?
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| Mon, 04-23-2007 - 10:02pm |
Recently back in the dating game. I'm having a great time. I met someone on line. I kind of like him. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now necessarily but we have a great physical connection and I have fun when I'm with him. I don't want to come on too strong and scare him off. I kind of want to hang back and let him make the moves. But I also want him to IM me and ask me when we can get together next. I don't want to be the one to do it so he doesn't think I'm "clingy" and go running the other way. You know how men are.
So I can see that he is online right now (I'm logged in as invisible so no one can see me online). Would it be wierd if I logged in but didn't message him? I just want him to see that I am available if he wants to IM me. That's how we've been communicating thus far. The last time we IM'd was yesterday afternoon. I initiated it and ended the conversation first, then felt like maybe I had been too curt and got back on and messaged him a little more, then ended it because I didn't want him to get bored. So should I log on but not IM him, or should I wait a few more days. Thanks for your advice!

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I think you're thinking WAY too hard.
If he's into you, he'll contact you and try to set up a date with you and he'll go out with you. If he's not into you, he won't do those things.
Therefore, you don't have to sweat all this stuff. Just be yourself. If you feel like dropping him an email, or saying 'hi' via IM, go ahead- but just do it to chat with him or email him, not because you're trying some other purpose of giving him a chance to ask you out or whatever.
My advice would be to not contact him- he knows where you are and can get a hold of you if he wants- and see what he does. If he contacts you and dates you, great; if not, he's not that into you, move on.
Yikes! The "He's just not into you" response. Ouch! That's cool. Reality checks are good. Thanks for your advice. ;)
However, I'd like to hear some other opinions as well, especially from people who may have read "The Rules". If not, I guess I'll just keep doing what I've been doing which is taking it easy and having a good time. Thanks again.
By the way, are you male? I get that vibe from you. That's cool if you are but I'm not really looking for advice from the male perspective. :)
Edited 4/24/2007 3:55 am ET by marladurden73
Edited 4/24/2007 4:09 am ET by marladurden73
I am a girl, and I would advise the same thing. I never read The Rules, though! I just don't have enough time to waste on people who do not want a serious relationship with me. I rather be by myself and hang out with friends than be in a relationship where I am having to pull the guy along--way too tiring.
I have been chatting with a guy online, and he disappears in the middle of a conversation, ignores me sometimes, etc. Then he comes on with all these lovey dovey statements when he is in the mood. I have been ignoring him for the most part now because I am not going to spend time with someone, even online chatting, if he is going to string me along. I would rather do laundry! :)
I'm female, and I think the answer to this is simple; if you want to be online, then go online, and if you don't, then don't. It really shouldn't matter whether he is online or not, if you have people to talk to, then go on and talk to them and if you don't, then don't.
I agree with hjntiy, you are over thinking this. This guy knows how to get in touch with you, even without IM, so if he is interested in setting up a date, he will do it whether you are online or not.
Personally, I do not contact guys much (or at all) early on. I want to know that they are interested in me enough to contact me, so I let them. Of course, if I miss a guy's phone call 3 times and I'm interested in him, then I will return it, but I wouldn't make a call unless he had called me first and the same goes for email/IM/texting. My bf was extremely shy, but he still was able to find the courage to contact me and court me at the beginning of our relationship, so I know an interested guy will contact you.
Just do whatever you would do if you had never met this guy. If you normally leave your IM signed on all day, then continue to do that. I've read the rules, and I understand not making yourself too available; however, there's a huge difference between being signed onto an IM program and accepting a date with 2 hours notice.
Just my two cents.
I have to agree with HJNTIY's comments. If the guy wants to contact you, he will. I have to admit, I am constantly struggling to convince myself that if a guy is really interested, he will find the time and figure out a way to contact/see me. I honestly believe it's true, but man it's hard sometimes!!!
As far as IM is concerned? I would not go "invisible" on your IM account just because of this guy. Why change the course of your actions just because of him? That's giving him control over your actions! Stay visible. If he wants to chat, he'll shoot you a note. If he doesn't (or he's holding out to see if you cave, ha ha), he won't. I admit that there are occasions when I shoot a quick "hey" now and then, but I no longer feel compelled to send a message or initiate contact. If they want to find me, they now how to do it. :) And amazingly, they almost always come around. Might now be on MY time table, but it usually happens.
Relax. Be yourself. My advice in a nutshell? If it feels good, do it. If you're questioning yourself, then don't.
:)
Please bear in mind that when posting a question, we have a mixed gender board and you may receive responses from both females as well as males. If you prefer responses from women then that may be tactfully mentioned in a post, but all are free to post.
Remember too that having a male's point of view sometimes can add a perspective that us females cannot understand or give.
If anyone has any questions, feel free to email me at bklynchik@gmail.com.
I think she was reffeing to
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