How to say it nicely?
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| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 9:54pm |
That you are not interested in being a pen pal? There is a guy from eHarmony that I have been communicating with for far too long for my taste. He had not asked for my phone number or even email address. I finally said that if he'd like to take it to the phone or email, here it was. He responded back that he preferred email. Well I DON'T! I don't want a freakin' pen pal and also while I don't mind email as communication, I do not want to do it incessantly nor do I want this to carry on much longer without meeting him. In fact tho, I am already getting tired of the email back and forth and don't even know if I want that to continue.
Any suggestions for saying nicely that it should move to the phone and/or an in person meet as soon as possible?

I think you've already indicated your preference to move it to the phone and he didn't bite...I would just close him. But if you want to give him one last chance, in the next email exchange, I'd say something like, "I really prefer to get to know someone in person rather than by email. Here's my number; why don't you give me a call Thursday evening or Sat morning and let's see if it makes sense to meet for coffee?" Most likely he'll ghost but maybe he'll actually move it forward.
In the future, though, you might skip offering your regular email as an option and just give him your phone number.
Sheri
I would say, "I understand and I've really enjoyed corresponding with you, but I'm looking to meet people not just email.
Excellent! Short and to the point. Thank you - that's perfect.
OK, I did it. I copied almost word for word but edited it just a bit and said:
I understand and respect your choice and I've enjoyed corresponding with you, but I'm looking to meet people not just email. In my experience, emailing too long can set up false expectations of who and what someone is. If you are interested in meeting you can feel free to give me a call or if not, I wish you luck in your search.
Edited 1/5/2006 10:44 am ET by vexer_hw
Well, now I feel like a big dork. eHarmony was having network problems and told me that the message didn't send but it did. 3 times. AAAACK. So now I rejected him 3 times and I feel like a jerk. I sent a quick apology email but I am sure now he thinks I am an idiot.
Oh well. As time had gone on, I was becoming less interested in him. The temporary distance is a big deal and I was wary because he has two sons that live with him. He'd sent an email before Christmas of how he'd really like to move but he couldn't b/c of the kids' mom and that as long as she wanted to be in their lives he was "chained" here. And then went on to say how that when they got back from her house they were always wound up and stuff. He apologized for venting but he sounded a little bitter. So I am hoping he DOES ghost!
LOL - great idea! And get all those crazy serial emailers all on one site to leave all of us who don't want to be alone!
I do think he is divorced, but I think it is pretty recent. He did tell me he was divorced and the mother apparently lives near him and gets the kids every other weekend. He said that was really his only time to "date" since the kids kept him busy. So there were enough signs that he is divorced but also enough signs that he's not really over it yet too.
I'd just tell him that you would prefer to end the "relationship" if it's not going to move beyond email.
Of course, I hate the talking on the phone thing. I'd rather email him a few times and meet.