How soon (on average) to have profile...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
How soon (on average) to have profile...
3
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 5:25pm

the profile - taking - down discussion?

Can you all please share all your good and bad experiences with taking your profiles down vs leaving it up???

Specifically, when did you have the talk, were you intimate at the time already, did the girl or guy initiate conversation and how did it go like (ie light or deep talk), was the other person willing to take it down or did s/he want to keep it up, did you still date afterwards either way, were you exclusive with that person already, was it a breakup or sore point, did the other person put his or her profile back up behind your back afterwards?????

if I left anything out feel free to add.

This is more information gathering for me because it's something I've never really understood much about.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 6:02pm

Let's see...I've probably had this talk 5-6 times now and I honestly don't remember all the details...it's just not that big an "event" to me...it's just part of the process (so I guess that makes it a "light" talk ;-)). It has happened before sex (except in the case of my LDR--I wasn't expecting anything to come of it so I didn't discuss it until after we'd decided to try having a relationship). I think I've initiated it each time (but I may not have in 1-2 instances--can't remember).

It always went well and there was agreement between us to take the profiles down, but in 2 of the situations, the guy did put it back up behind my back (or only took some profiles down but not all). I've never had the talk itself be the cause of a breakup or any sort of disagreement (but the lying/deception about taking down profiles has been!).

So I'm curious...what are you afraid is going to happen if you have this discussion?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 6:08pm

That's it! My experiences have been that the guy has put it back up behind my back most of the time, except when he initiated conversation about taking it down.

I'm thinking that if I initiate it, that he may feel compelled to take it down and then either resent me or later, since he wasn't ready on his own, put it back up behind my back.

In which case, then, why even bother taking it down.... I dunno. I'm not in the situation right now but I have been in the past and it's never gone well except for the one time where the guy initiated and asked me to take mine down. OK that was two times but the second time I wasn't into the guy. The first time ended in a marriage proposal, which I had to turn down because he wasn't the one for me. So I've only had success with the guy initiating.... wondering if I should always wait for that moment...

just a fact finding thing.

I absolutely HATED it when the guys (three times for me) put it up behind my back. CRUSHED me.

ugh.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 6:15pm

Hmmm...I personally would rather risk that (him putting it back up), than have him still have profiles up when we are sleeping together...that would bother me too much.

So maybe it's a matter of waiting longer to become sexually involved so that you have a better idea of their character? I don't know...but it seems to me that a good guy isn't going to put a profile back up behind your back, *regardless* of who initiated the talk. The two guys who did it to me are not good guys, that's for sure.

Sheri