How would you handle this?
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| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 5:44pm |
I got so sick of the same faces on Match and Yahoo (some more than 5 years now) that I posted an ad on Craigslist. My opening line was "I couldn't find an ad I wanted to answer, so I'm writing my own."
I got 6 replies within 12 hours, so far so good. The first and best came from a really articulate guy who is fabulous on paper -- witty, educated, with many of the same interests, very smart (the top item on my list), and in the right age group.
My problem is, and I don't know how to say this without sounding like a bigot, that I'm white and he's black. He said in his first email that he was mixed black/italian/cherokee, so it wasn't a huge shock, but it didn't really hit me till I saw his photo. He has seen mine, so he knows I am white.
Now I am a dyed in the wool liberal and I hope I do not have a racist bone in my body. But I have never dated anyone of another race and am not sure I would really be attracted to him -- I feel compelled to say, I'm not attracted to redheads, either. On the other hand, I have met people I was not attracted to until I got to know them, including the 28-year-old guy I'm still seeing occasionally.
Am I a total hypocrite? what would you all do? any advice?
HELP!
Sposa

Well, I tend to be MORE attracted to men of color/different ethnicities, so for me, I have the opposite "problem" (I say that in quotes because I don't really see it as a problem)...I'm not really attracted to your average Caucasian guy (although there are certainly some I find attractive and I date men of all races and ethnicities). It has nothing to do with race or ethnicity, per se, just what I find attractive.
So if you don't find him attractive, you don't...I wouldn't worry about the fact that he is mixed race.
But if you DO find him at least somewhat attractive (I couldn't quite tell from your post if you do or not), then I would urge you to at least meet him.
Sheri
I think it's not
We like what we like, that is who we are.
I am a black african woman who will only date white professional men.
I am not racist either. Its not what you prefer, but why you prefer it, that makes you a bigot or not.
I like bald men, I like intellectual types, its just part of the unique tapestry of our heart's desires.
Dont sweat it.
Just go for what you want, in my opinion leave the experimentation. it usually does not pan out.
Edited 12/29/2005 9:38 am ET by dvlmaycare
I am a white woman who never thought she would be attracted to black men, but after the first one.... woohoo let me just tell you it was great! The relationship that is, and the sex well I cannot complain. I love black men now, and have been converted over to the other side! LOL! I prefer them, and that's what I date now. But that is me....
No you're not a hypocrite, just not experienced with anyone outside your race. If you like him thus far, I say give it a chance. Meet him, see if there's any attraction and go from there.
As others said, you like what you like... but personally I would give it one shot.
Not a racist or being a hypocrite. I'm a black woman and prefer to date black men. Most of the responses I get online are from Caucasian men -- totally not interested. I normally don't reply and they get the message. Of course, since meeting quality black men has been an issue, I've lately been a bit more receptive to possibly chatting or meeting a Caucasian man, but I truly haven't made the effort. Also, the majority have been married -- go figure!!!
Bottom line, we like what we like. Don't sweat it!!!
Just wanted to respond to something you said...
<<In a bigger city, most people don't notice or care about a mixed relationship, but where I live in smalltown USA, it would be enough to deter me from dating a black guy.>>
I live in one of the biggest cities in the world--New York! Yet, I have been run off a block because of my color (white) and b/c I was dating someone outside of my race, I've been yelled at and been told to stop stealing black men and have been told that I'm the devil b/c I was with a guy who was not white. One particular time