How would you take this comment??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
How would you take this comment??
22
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:42am

I have been dating a guy for a little while. I have a girlfriend who is quite beautiful. As many of my girlfriends are. Anyway....I helped her get away from her abusive boyfriend recently. I have been sharing this experience with him. The other night...we were discussing that she is so sick of men....she admitted to me that she has no desire to date again (due to the recent circumstances...understandably so)!!! He then goes to say...."Well I would never be able to get a girl like her anyway!"

I became livid for so many reasons!!! I honestly have no desire to see him again. Do you feel I am over reacting?

I definitely told him how I felt about his rude comment, however he only dug himself deeper in my opinion.

Jodie

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:50am

Hey True,

You have every right to be angry!! Im so sorry that happened to you :( That comment was completely tactless. You should be dating someone that thinks the world of you and wouldn't even notice your friends. So I don't think you overreacted at all and I am so glad you let him have it. Your definitely better off without him.

*Hugs*

GM

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:56am

OUCH!! This happened to me before, with someone I deeply loved. He couldn't understand why I was hurt. Years later when we met up, he wanted to know what happened between us. When I repeated to him his comment, he couldn't believe that he had said that! He grew up and learned something, I guess.

His comment was about his brother, "X has always been able to get beautiful girlfriends. I always envied that about him."

What I heard was: "I can't anyone better than you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:59am
Ugh!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:00am
That is what I heard him say to me also....I kindly reminded him that he may no longer have a girl of equal caliber!!! He tried to back paddle...but by then I wasn't going to hear it!! And if truth be told...he would never have a snows balls chance in hell with her anyway!! Nor should he want one.


Edited 4/12/2005 11:01 am ET ET by truewild1969

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:06am

That comment was pretty rude and tactless but IMO, more for the implication that amjay said rather than for what g_m said. I don't think that we can expect our guys to completely adore only us and never notice any other women. HOWEVER, we should be able to expect that our guy not SAY it to us! You have every right to be angry. You said that you told him how you felt about the comment but that he dug himself deeper - what did he do or say? Has he ever done anything like this before? Admittedly, this was probably just a careless remark and he meant no insult by it, but the fact of the matter is he said it and deserves to be called on it.

I was on the other end of this once. I was out with a friend of mine and her boyfriend. I had a cleavage baring top on and her b/f (in front of me!) said that I looked really hot and he wished my friend could wear tops like that. Niiice, huh? And it was very uncomfortable not only for me but definitely for my friend. AND it made her feel like crap!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:10am

I never believed he was being mean. Just very immature. That was the beginning of the end for me, though. I could never get past it.

Truewild, I went on to be totally loved by someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:15am

I told him that I thought that was in poor taste. He said he was surprised because he never thought of me as the jelous type. I told him that I was not jelous at all. And I told him exactly what Vex said....That I am not naive enough to know that he finds other woman beautiful, however I don't want to hear about it.

I then told him that I am of equal caliber and certainly would not play 2nd fiddle. He then said that I am nor would I ever be 2nd fiddle. He said I am so beautiful I take his breath away...and...that he can't believe that he has a girl like me interested. However considering the timing...I felt he was being disingenuous.

His comments show that he lacks in self esteem. Another turn off.

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:25am

Hi Vex,

Your right maybe what I said and what I meant were two different things. I just think that "friends" should be offlimits, and he was obviously checking her friend out. I think True did a great job of handling the situation. I agree that he had a "open mouth. insert foot" moment but geez!

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:47am

I would find that comment offensive and hurtful.


But I would also have to look at it within the context of everything else that's been going on in the relationship since the beginning. I woudn't necessarily end things over one isolated (albeit insulting) comment.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 12:29pm

Good point jh. I think if there have been other inconsiderate, immature or disingenuous behaviors in the past, then this might be another strike and maybe the last one. If this is the first time he has screwed up, yes, it is a big strike, but maybe not enough to end the whole thing.

I also agree with you g_m in that friends should be off-limits, but I think the comment itself is what is most hurtful. I think it is more just that he shouldn't say those kinds of things about anyone, whether or not they are a friend is not relevant (maybe a little more hurtful than if it is a stranger or a celebrity, but doesn't matter).

Last, Jodie, I think you handled it pretty well. You are very right in that this is not a jealousy thing. I am sure you are not jealous of your friend and the comment that your guy made, it is more a matter of expecting him to treat you with respect. And I agree that the lack of self-esteem on his part is not all that appealing.

All in all, I don't think that this single incident is dump-worthy activity. If he has done some other things along these lines, then this might be the last straw, tho.

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