I (59 )met a good guy but he has 3 kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
I (59 )met a good guy but he has 3 kids
15
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 6:13pm
I just met a man online who is intelligent, emailed me first and waited for a reply, seems like we have a lot in common, we're both retired, both in the music business, and he is honest (he admited he is dating but she isn't the one and he has told her to keep looking), active in his church, a widower, BUT he has 3 teenagers, the youngest in 8th grade. Is it OK to become friends and hangout? He says he isn't ready for a serious relationship

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 10:39am
I am with you that I really don't want to be really involved w/ stepkids (already did that once) so I just wouldn't bother even to consider someone who had young kids unless it was on a casual basis. But I'm not looking to get married again either, so for me it would be ok to date someone w/ kids (but they would have to be at least high school age) but I would let him know that I want to keep the dating separate from the kids and don't really want to be involved w/ his kids or vice versa.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 1:57pm

I see nothing wrong with spending time with a man whose company you enjoy and keeping it on a casual basis. I believe you said he wasn't looking for a serious relationship either so maybe a companion to enjoy shared activities would work out for you both.

I can't see how it would hurt to meet and find out if you have common ground.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 2:02pm
I have had men approach me on line and once they find out that I am the sole parent of teens they have said they aren't interested any more. I appreciate the honesty prior to meeting than getting involved with someone and THEN having them tell me they don't want to deal with kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 4:12pm
Because the reality is that if you are a step-parent you are much more than the child's friend. I do believe that the parents get to decide the major issues and decide on discipline, but I had a DSD living w/ us full time (her mother had died) from the time she was 13-17. I wouldn't say I was in the parental role but I couldn't just sit back and not be involved either. When there were issues in the family that were caused by things that she did that she was not supposed to do, it affected the whole family. The fact that she & her dad didn't really have a good relationship affected me & my kids because of the tension in the house. Since my DSD & my DD were on year apart in age, we had to agree on basic rules for both of them, since you can't have the kids thinking that the parents are being unfair by not treating them the same. It might be diff. for a non-custodial parent who only has their kids EOW, but if someone is a custodial parent, the stepparent is just as much involved w/ that child if they are living together every day. So you have to be prepared to take on that responsibility. I do agree, it's not only children, it can be other problems, but I know I wouldn't want to live w/a guy who had kids at home at this point in my life. Been there, done that & it wasn't a great experience (for me) so that's probably why I'm averse to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 4:24pm
It all depends on what you are looking for??? Are you looking for a long term relationship or wanting to meet men to hang out? We all know if you are looking for a long term relationship and he isn't you will get hurt in the long run.

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