I (59 )met a good guy but he has 3 kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
I (59 )met a good guy but he has 3 kids
15
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 6:13pm
I just met a man online who is intelligent, emailed me first and waited for a reply, seems like we have a lot in common, we're both retired, both in the music business, and he is honest (he admited he is dating but she isn't the one and he has told her to keep looking), active in his church, a widower, BUT he has 3 teenagers, the youngest in 8th grade. Is it OK to become friends and hangout? He says he isn't ready for a serious relationship

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 7:23am
Go for it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:00am
If you can accept dating him and the fact that he's not ready for a serious rel. right now, then I don't see any problem w/ hanging out. Is he the custodial parent or does he just see his kids some of the time? I'm divorced & have one in college & an 8th grader. I'm not against having a serious relationship but at this time, I can't devote a lot of time to that because my primary focus has to be DS--I would prefer only to go out when he's at his dad's (which is a few times a week) but I also have other things to do. But eventually kids do grow up and then I (and your guy) will have more time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:08am
He is actually a widower since 2005. His wife battled breast cancer for 9 years
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 8:53pm

AND you have not met him yet? It's academic until you actual have some face-to-face contact and share some experiences together.

Let us know how this develops.

Mark

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 1:10am

Why is him having 3 kids a problem for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 4:54am
He has 2 kids in HS and one in MS. If things would go well with him I am not interested in raising another family. Might sound harsh but I did that already on my own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 10:27am

Then don't meet him.


If you're not interested in someone who has kids, then why waste your time and his?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 12:52pm

I agree – don’t take it any further if you feel that strongly about it. (I thought it would be okay to hang out, etc. but clearly you’re thinking in terms of “if we get married I’d have to raise his kids”.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 7:48pm

I wonder why people think that if they marry someone with children then they automatically have to raise them.

I don't expect to do that with any of the women I date and I don't expect them to do that for my children as well.

Dr. Joy Browne, a therapist, has stated that the role of a step parent is not to be the child's parent but to be their friend. I agree with that view.

BTW I have dated women with grown children who has lived out of their house but had issues (son is bipolar among other things).

I believe just because the woman does not have children living at home does not mean there won't be other issues, like grown children living at home, elderly parents that need to be taken care of, etc. It is hard enough to find "the one" without eliminating potential partners based solely on the fact the children a living at home.

Mark who has a 16 yr old at home and is dating a woman who has a 14 yr old

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 10:32pm
So true.

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