I am the exact opposite of a man magnet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I am the exact opposite of a man magnet
10
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 9:38pm

Apparently so, b/c I cannot find a match for the life of me. I've been OLD for about 9 months now, and the luck I've had is NONE. I've gone out on dates with 6 guys in that time frame, 4 of them one-date-only's, one a 2 date thing, and one for about 2 months, before he "decided" that he wasn't looking for a relationship, just someone cool to hang out with (ie, FWB).

I've chatted online with a lot of guys, probably at least 15-20 more, but none ever asked to meet me, and they just suddenly stopped contacting me after not very long.

And it's a rare instance that someone I've winked at winks or e-mails back.

I'm starting to think that I'm ugly!

Can someone look at my profile and tell me if I've done it all wrong or something? I'm PinkSandBeaches on Match.com (I was also on Yahoo, but only hooked up with one person online, so it was crappy and I ditched it.)

Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 9:48pm
I looked at your profile & read your post. What you're going through is absolutely normal. I've had over 2 years without going out with a guy more than twice....it takes time & a LOT of frogs. You're not ugly. You just haven't found the right guy. Keep trying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 10:01pm
Ok, if you think you are ugly, then you are crazy! LOL. You are farrrrrrrrrrrrr from that. Have you noticed a pattern with the guys you talk to? Is there a common denominator?




Edited 11/19/2005 10:40 pm ET by cl-bklynchik
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 10:54pm
Welcome to the world of OLD. I have been doing it off and on for over 3 years and have never been on more than two or three dates with anyone. I don't think I am ugly and you are definitely not ugly. It is all a game of numbers and luck. Just keep at it, be patient and don't let it get you down. If you are getting frustrated, take a break and stay off it for a while. OLD can bring you down, that's for sure. Good luck and don't get down on yourself!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 11:52pm

I feel the same way you do a lot of the time, and while I haven't looked at your profile, I am sure you are not ugly. I'm told the same thing but continue to wonder why I have found it so hard to meet someone who seems to really fit with me who also wants a long-term relationship. There is a name for the last guy you dated online. They are called "players" and I'm finding that there are a LOT of them online. Many are not serious about finding someone for the long haul--regardless of what their profiles say. I've seen it several times now. It is sometimes very hard to know when they are lying and when they're telling the truth; sadly many of us are usually hurt by the time we figure out they aren't what they portrayed themselves to be. Re-reading their profile really brings that fact home when they have changed their mind for apparently no reason and are no longer interested.

I'm also taking somewhat of a break from OLD and while my profile is still online, I'm no longer paying subscription fees to any dating site. I can relate to your feelings of being burned and perhaps unwanted, but a lot of the advice on the board is pretty good. Hang around and give it more time. In the meantime, do some fun things for yourself and spend time with your family &/or friends for the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm going to try to enjoy mine even though I had hoped to have a significant other by this time too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 12:06am
Hi cj,
Believe me, your experience is pretty typical. Your profile is lovely as are you, so don't beat yourself up. Someone on another thread aptly described OLD as "...looking for a needle in a haystack", so just hang in there and take a break every now and then. I've been doing this for a year now and only dated 2 guys for about 2 months each (same scenario as yours). Yeah, it's frustrating but it only takes one person and for better or worse, I've had more dates in the last year than I've had in my entire life. Not to mention the entertainment value that my dating stories provide for my friends and family;P
Good Luck,
Michele
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 1:47am

OLD is a numbers game. The only thing I notice is that you don't subscribe. That could be a turn off to some....not every guy is going to get the tropicalwaves idea. And you could potentially be missing some opportunities if your not able to respond with anything but a wink.....but other than that I think your profile is good. Good use of humor...only thing other thing I can think of doing differently is a better headshot. I found that a lot of men just don't go any further than the pictures.

I started doing OLD in May of this year. Had probably 10 winks and 5 decent emails in May, June, I started dating someone in July and broke it off in August (so my profile was not active for 45 days) Re-did the main picture and added some pics of me kayaking in a bikini top and boy shorts. Kept the text the same.

From August 20th to Labor day got over 60 winks and 20-30 e-mails on match. Over a hundred losers on yahoo. Yes, it was a lot of losers to wade thru but I did find a keeper that I am still dating. I went on a meet every other day... Its a numbers game. You get your numbers up and you can afford to be picky.

So in short, some men are shallow. Appeal to them in a way that you feel comfortable, but at the same time don't under estimate a good head shot. I did get more winks from men who did not subscribe (therefore under the match rules, could not see my bikini shots) when I changed to a better head shot. And yes, I did get alot of men just looking for sex when they saw the bikini...but I also had some that were not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 8:41am
cl,
i agree with everyone else -- it's a pretty typical match experience. one thing i'll say is that if i'm emailing with someone and they don't ask for my phone number after a while, i'll send it to them. i don't want any penpals so i just put it out there. if they're freaked out by that, then you've just weeded out another loser! keep at it....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 1:20pm

Basically what you are telling the world is that you are not a paying member of match.com. More than a few men will be turned off by that, so I can see why you aren't getting a good crop of possibilities. I don't understand what you mean by the tropical waves comment.

What I get from your profile is that you are sort of a fun party girl that likes watching sports on television. If this isn't you and you created this profile for the sole purpose of attracting as many men as possible, then you better go back to the drawing board and do a bit of a rewrite, perhaps these guys are seeing something than what they expected.

You could also probably include some full body shots and maybe some action pictures of you doing something you love. Do you have any unusual hobbies, where have you traveled, what do you like best about your job? Give these men a complete literal picture of who you are, that way there is no confusion after the first phone call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 1:56pm

For fun:
"Hang out on dating websites and wink at strange men...lol"

Maybe some men don't like to be seen as strange...? LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 9:40pm

I liked your profile, it is one of the few female profiles that I actually thought sounded good (yes, I am guilty of scoping out the competition). I agree 100% about the Davinci code! I always comment on that in my emails to people! It's the only thing more common than "work hard, play harder" :) My profile is on match (same as my user name here), if you look, I think you'll see that our profiles are similar (in sarcasm and what we're looking for)--which is probably why I think yours is good! lol so I may be a little biased...

I don't think it has anything to do with you...just a downfall of online dating.