I am really in need of some help!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
I am really in need of some help!!!!!!!
16
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 11:40am
I have been married for almost 3 years, I love my husband, but lately we've been having some problems. He works all the time and when he is off he doesn't want to be loving with me. I can't even remember the last time we had sex. (I'm 23 and he's 27). For almost 2 years I've been chatting with this guy online, we talk all the time and we call each other. I do believe I've fallen in love this this guy, and he says he loves me too. I would love for us to meet, but he says he wouldn't dare put me in that position, plus he lives about 8 hours away. I've tired talking to my husband about us not being close anymore, but he doesn't really listen. I am soooo confused can someone please give me some advice??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 12:29pm

Whoops, got more than 2 cents worth after all:

Never mind him, get counselling for yourself! You seem more concerned about what your husband is NOT giving you and not about the real issue, your own reactions to that and resultant deceitful behaviour.

Again, best of luck to you. I hope you find a way to work through these problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 12:41pm
actually, I have a Bachelors in Psychology and when my husband and I were having troubles I was the first one to get counseling. So don't let that stop you. Your husband can be book smart in psych but not 'people' smart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 12:45pm
That could be true donna. I do realize that some of it is my fault, I have a tendency to yell, cuz he won't help me around the house, I could be talking to him instead of yelling. The only problem is we really don't have to money to do go counseling, but I some people do it for free right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 12:54pm

Check with your church or local community center. Sometimes they will be able to provide you with resources for free or refer you somewhere. And on all those boards that our community leader (jhoover) gave you, I am sure there are people that are much more knowledgeable in these things than we are (we are all single people interested or participating in Online Dating so we probably don't have as much information). Someone out there probably has several good resources for you.

I also agree that if he has a degree in psych that he should understand the need for counseling and that there is no stigma attached to it and nothing wrong with admitting you need help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 1:05pm

Well...it seems that the people here are more supportive than I had expected. . Everyone so far has given you very good advice. You need to either work to save your marriage or get out. But the online "friendship" definitely has to end NOW. I hope that if you can't get your husband to go to counselling with you you'll still go for yourself. I'm glad to hear that you recognize that there is a problem here and that you ultimately do want to make some positive changes.


I still recommend that you check out the boards I listed earlier. The members of those communities probably have better access to the appropriate resources than we do here.


I wish you well and the best of luck for a happier future.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 3:43pm

You need a therpist to discuss this with.

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