I am so confused!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
I am so confused!!!
3
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 4:43pm

Ok, here's what's happening. I have my profile on 5 (yes I said 5) different online dating services. On each of those 5 services there is this man. We have exchanges e-mails on 1 of the services. HE seems to be very nice and we have a lot in common. Right up front he said he had just gotten out of a two year relationship that he thought would end in marriage but didn't. He said he was nervous about getting hurt again and he hoped I would be patient with him. The e-mails have been more and more infrequent on his part. I usually only send him one when he replies to mine. On his last e-mail to me he said, among other things, that he really enjoyed my e-mails and looked forward to them. Then he said he hoped I would keep e-mailing him. On my last e-mail to him, I gave him my cell phone number and a personal e-mail address. Then I said if you ever want to talk, just as friends, no pressure or anything, to give me a call or drop me a line. Wee that was a few weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. But I notice, when I log on to 4 of the 5 of those sights (the 5th one I can't find a who's viewed you link), when I look at the list of people who have viewed my profile, he's right there at the top of the list. I don't look at his profile, because I don't want to seem like a stalker or anything. What am I doing wrong? Please be patient with me. I've only been dating again for 6 months. I'm not sure how to even do this. A lot has changed in 25 years. Any advice? Wisdom? Anything?

Thanks in Advance

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 4:50pm
In my opinion if he's too fragile to date he shouldn't be on a dating site. Sounds to me like he'll continue to be your penpal but I wouldn't expect him to step up anytime soon to ask you on a date. I'd focus on someone else.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 5:06pm

Move on. He's an "endless emailer" (this is pretty common actually). You don't need that...you want someone who actually wants to MEET in person and DATE!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 2:44pm

Sounds like something I've been through about a year ago. Only the guy that I was talking too was not honest, and I came to find out eventually that he was still "emotionally" involved with his baby's mama. I was just the woman in waiting, in case things didn't work out with him and his ex, he would pursue a relationship with me. My first mistake was making the initiative by giving out my number FIRST before he even asked for it. And the second mistake that I made was waiting so long until we finally met and had our first date (I waited 3 months through e-mails and phone calls until this guy finally decided to book a flight out to see me). I was reading on those articles about OLD, and they suggesst that it should take no more than 2 or 3 weeks of e-mail and phone correspondance to finally make a first date to see each other. Longer than that and your both wasting each other's time.

If he said "I look forward to your e-mail" and has not asked for your number by now, there's a reason why. Unless you want to be his pen-pal or relationship therapist, I would skip past this guy and find someone better that is ready for a potential relationship. Don't waste your time. Just my opinion.

Do what you feel is best :)