I am so toast
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:53am |
I'm still not big on OLD. I still feel wierd doing it and I'm definitely a novice. I started it on a whim and I've come to expect to be disappointed. I think that's what drew me to it, because I'm coming off a bad heartbreak (healed now, but there are scars) and OLD would allow me to date and ease the lonliness factor, without me having to get emotionally involved with anyone; and thus, without me having to risk being hurt again. And for the first time in my life I've been able to date without emotional attachment. Granted, I haven't been on very many dates, OLD or IRL, but just to be able to thumb my nose and say "whatever" when a guy dumps me is a HUGE thing for me.
Having said that, I got emotionally involved last night. Really emotionally involved. I was so unenthusiastic about going out with this guy because he seemed too good to be true, but he's the real deal, or at least as far as I can tell. If he's hiding any skeletons he's good at it, because he seemed genuine to me. And I went into to this LOOKING for red flags, so I think I would have noticed. Then again, my perception was probably clouded from the very beginning of the date.
It was one of those moments you see in movies. I walked into the bar (omg - AMAZING place - this guy is connected) I saw him and it was like WOW. His pics did not lie. And as we talked it was like he was a spy or something, as if he spent weeks finding things out about me so he would know exactly what to say. We have so many things in common that it is really really scary.
Here's the problem - we got drunk and made out the whole night. I never do that on a first date. I'm a Christian and I believe in waiting for marriage before having sex. But I almost had sex with this guy and I thank God for giving me the sense to sober up and snap out of it.
I know I'm going down the same path by getting emotionally wrapped up in a good-looking, smooth-talking charmer. He's a good kisser, knows all the right moves and words, and no doubt has tons of experience. I've read about this guy in a hundred romance novels, but the last time I felt that way about someone he ended up being a total jerk. And if I choose to focus all my attention on him, I'll have to ditch the really sweet Christian guy I went out with on Friday night (I can't date both - that's more complication than I need right now). And what if I find out that I made the wrong choice?
This is freaking me out and I don't know what to do about it. It's almost like it was so good that I'm thinking there has to be a problem and I'm just waiting for the clown to jump out and say "aha!" I'm sorry this is so long, I just needed to get it all out. The people I know IRL don't sympathize because they think I'm stupid for doing OLD anyway, and that I'll never meet Mr. Right that way. Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you separate your thoughts and reasoning from romance and physical attraction?

Pages
Absolutely correct - You were in his house!
AND I have to tell you that the guy I'm dating - let's call him Jack - barely calls. It's agrivating but....I'll take what I can get since I hate phone conversations anyways.
And even though we've seen each other about 6 times in a week and a half, he hasn't come out and ever said - Let's Go Out!
For example: I wanted to see him yesterday so bad, but he had his daughter this weekend...I knew he would be dropping her off and waited patiently all day for his text. He did text me from the gym.... we went back and forth for what seemed like AGES, when finally I said, "well...i'm thinking a movie is in order. been wanting to see, so tonight i think i'll go." as in...alone. whoa is me.
and finally he replies, "hey! why don't we go together?" and i acted surprised and delighted!!!
i felt guilty since it was pure manipulation on my part (even though he didn't realize it)....
so - if he texted you.... i see no reason why you can't shoot him an innocent yet flirty message randomly sometime today or tomorrow....
i see no harm in being assertive - confidence is sexy!
"Jack" said so last night.
Oh please. A guy with any sense isn't going to feel "rejected" because you don't have sex with him the first time you meet!!
If he's interested in more than sex, he'll call you and set up another date. You've shown your interest just fine--but of course your interest is in *dating*, not in jumping into bed with him. So if that's all he's interested in, then you may not hear from him--but that would be ok, wouldn't it, since that's not what you're interested in?
And if you don't want to text him, don't. Send him an email next time he texts you and let him know that you're not a fan of texting and ask him to call you if he would like to get together again.
Sheri
I also wanted to respond to the Love v. Lust.....
I have no idea what applies to my situation!
Because we haven't had sex...only come close that once.
Last night we stood in his condo after the movie, our jackets were on.
Just standing there, not hugging but our arms were around each other and
he was nuzzling my neck and we kissed - not made out, just light butterfly-like kisses...
the kind of kiss where you're smiling into each other?
our noses touched...like we were just inhaling each others cologne, perfume...feeling each others skin.
this went on for....oh......half hour?
then i left.
may have stumbled out the door giggling like an idiot.
let me just say - i got no sleep last night.
but...it's only been that short amount of time.
although.....we had been chatting online for - oh.... 2 or 3 months?
I would be more careful/cautious about the fact that he wanted to have sex so soon. This is a big indicator that he may not be looking for a relationship and just for something casual. But not ALWAYS is this the case either. But it is a good indicator to tread more carefully. A man who is shy, sweet and looking for a real relationship usually doesn't try to have sex with you so early on. He will usually say something of the effect that he would rather get to know you as a person first and have a mental connection and take things slow. There ARE guys out there that will respect you and take things at a steady pace. With that being said, watch out for this, don't go back to each others places where you will feel tempted to do things you might regret. Keep dating in public places for awhile.
Pages