i did a bad bad thing... any future now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
i did a bad bad thing... any future now?
24
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 7:10pm

i had my first date with an online guy yesterday, he came from the city (NYC) on a subway to my area, took him over an hour to get there (and usually city boyz try to stay local, lol). before we met, he joked that if we hit it off, i would have to come to the city for the second date.

we had a few drinks in a nice lounge, we had great time, he kept saying that I was cute and funny, then he suggested to get out. when we walked out he jokinly asked whether I had HBO... he said he was harmless...oh well, i know the rules (no sex on the first date) but i figured some making out would be OK... what did i know?..
we got to my place, had some wine, watched Sat Night Live and kinda ended up by having sex.... in the middle of it i started freaking out that i was making a mistake and we stopped.. he said it was cool, he understood that i wanted to get more comfortable with him first, he could see that i was a "good girl" and asked whether he could just stay over and cuddle. I figured it would be very awkward in the morning so I sent him home (turned out, it took him 2 hrs to get home). before he left, he said he would like to hang out sometimes next weekend (he lives and works in the city, takes some classes after work) as his week is very hectic, i agreed.

i thought that I messed things up and i would never hear from him again.. he called me next morning joking that i took advantage of him the other night, asked whether he could see me next Saturday and said that he is willing to come to my area again and even go to the same lounge... but this time he said he would stay on the couch or kitchen floor as it's a suicide to go home that late with the commute. i suggested a daytime date, some activities like a park or a zoo but he just laughed at it... i even suggested meeting in the city after work but he said that I was weird as I would not stay at his place and would insist on going home...he said he would be in touch over the next couple of days to schedule something for next Saturday....

so, do I officially have a F%ck Buddy now or is there any way to turn this into something more meaningful? in the worst case, a FB is needed sometimes too....
and, BTW, i am 29 and he is 33...

guys' opinions would be great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:29am

I agree with everyone else on this. But what bothers me the most is this:

"...he said that it was a 2-way street, if he is willing to go out all the way to my area hang out, then I need to be an adult and provide the shelter afterwards..."

Um, excuse me. But IMO, an adult takes responsibilty for their own actions and I'm sorry, but it is MUCH different for a gal to take the train home late at night than it is a guy.

He's just pushing too hard for the sleepover deal, especially since there are other alternatives. Dates can end earlier ro start earlier and I like your idea of a daytime thing.

And I grew up in NY. I don't see where it takes 2 hours to get from Manhattan to Bklyn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:53am

YM-


This guy wanted a FB from the beginning.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:55am
I agree with the others...this guy is only looking for sex. If he was even remotely interested in you he'd go out of his way to spend time with you and wouldn't care about the commute. Him telling you that he doesn't have time during the day to see you screams he's not that into you and wants it his way and isn't willing to compromise. IMHO that's not very adult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 11:59am

Also just an FYI-


It has been in my experience...that when a guy goes on and on about how beautiful and hot you are on the first meet, he is totally trying to get into your pants!!


Jodie

CL-Truewild1969


For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;


http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/



Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


A Friendly Reminder...

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:09pm
Kerry,
I always wanted to check out Brighton Beach! I am Russian :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:16pm
I am not sure if this guy is bad news or not.
I do think that having sex early on complicates situation ( I know this 1st hand :))
I think that once you had sex with this person it is sure is hard to retrieve and start over like new because it's out there already so you either a)continue and hopefully sex is not the only thing he is after or b) or stop seeing him altogether.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:20pm

IVOS-


Do you really think this guy was hoping for anything less when he asked if they could hang out and watch TV on the first night?


If a guy is a Gentleman...he won't even go there.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:21pm

The first thought in my head after I read your update was: Manipulation. This guy is pulling out all the stops to get what he wants and get it how he wants it.


You have to be completely honest with yourself here. I don't think you truly want an FWB otherwise I don't think you would have posted here, wondering what's going on. It sounds to me like you're settling. Now, remaining true to yourself... can you really say that you'd be ok with this going down the FWB road? Can you honestly say when he ghosts, that you'll be ok with it? Can you honestly not get emotionally invested? Unless you can answer a positive YES to all those questions without any hesitations, I would say stay away from this being an FWB.


This guy is not worth your time. He's not even being honest with what he wants in my opinion... Since I live near you, I know the commute to get back and forth from the city everyday. There's really no excuses as to why you guys can't meet in the middle and why he's forcing it into a situation where you'll feel bad if he's on the train late. Please! Tell him to get a car and to find someone who cares about his sob story...


Sorry hon. I just really don't like manipulation.


Please keep us posted.

Kerry


For great info on OLD, visit http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/


If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:35pm
See I don't think it's the sex on the first date that's so bad in and of itself... it's the fact that he's trying to force it back into that sort of situation... KWIM?

Kerry


For great info on OLD, visit http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/


If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:47pm

The point I am trying to hit home Kerry

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;