i did a bad bad thing... any future now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
i did a bad bad thing... any future now?
24
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 7:10pm

i had my first date with an online guy yesterday, he came from the city (NYC) on a subway to my area, took him over an hour to get there (and usually city boyz try to stay local, lol). before we met, he joked that if we hit it off, i would have to come to the city for the second date.

we had a few drinks in a nice lounge, we had great time, he kept saying that I was cute and funny, then he suggested to get out. when we walked out he jokinly asked whether I had HBO... he said he was harmless...oh well, i know the rules (no sex on the first date) but i figured some making out would be OK... what did i know?..
we got to my place, had some wine, watched Sat Night Live and kinda ended up by having sex.... in the middle of it i started freaking out that i was making a mistake and we stopped.. he said it was cool, he understood that i wanted to get more comfortable with him first, he could see that i was a "good girl" and asked whether he could just stay over and cuddle. I figured it would be very awkward in the morning so I sent him home (turned out, it took him 2 hrs to get home). before he left, he said he would like to hang out sometimes next weekend (he lives and works in the city, takes some classes after work) as his week is very hectic, i agreed.

i thought that I messed things up and i would never hear from him again.. he called me next morning joking that i took advantage of him the other night, asked whether he could see me next Saturday and said that he is willing to come to my area again and even go to the same lounge... but this time he said he would stay on the couch or kitchen floor as it's a suicide to go home that late with the commute. i suggested a daytime date, some activities like a park or a zoo but he just laughed at it... i even suggested meeting in the city after work but he said that I was weird as I would not stay at his place and would insist on going home...he said he would be in touch over the next couple of days to schedule something for next Saturday....

so, do I officially have a F%ck Buddy now or is there any way to turn this into something more meaningful? in the worst case, a FB is needed sometimes too....
and, BTW, i am 29 and he is 33...

guys' opinions would be great!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:51pm

I think it is all about him and not about you. He is "not into you" the way you would want him to be. He does not want what you want. And he is not capable of giving you what you want. Plus he lives too far away.

Too many red flags, too many reasons to say, "next".....

I think you have to stand strong and make a pact with yourself - ALONE until the right one comes along.

The right one would have been more worried about impressing you and finding out all about you no matter what you do. And he NEVER would want to see you unhappy no matter what.

Please do yourself a favor and throw him back into the pond. KERPLUNK - he can mix with all of the other OLD toads.

I always say - he is a toad unless proven innocent!! That is the safest assumption with OLD.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 1:12pm

I also think when he pulled the, "Well, let me stay over and we'll just cuddle" line was also just a line.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 1:22pm

That is so true. And the sad thing is that they can find a plethora of girls to score. Why have a relationship when you can have the goods, and new goods on an ongoing basis for that matter, for no hassles?

I am cautious to NEVER put myself in a place of temptation - no houses (or apts) until after a few months of proven dating and good behavior - like calling on a regular basis and showing interest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 1:35pm

Just wanted to jump in here to say that I think this guy's behavior is totally, without a doubt, classless & distasteful. I mean he complained about his commute! Come on! As was said before; if he really wanted to see you, he would, without complaints. Not only is he complaining, but he's laying a guilt trip on you besides. Who needs that?

You did your part by trying to meet him 1/2 way in the day time. He doesn't have any good excuse not to take you up on this compromise. This guy just screams PLAYER!

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