i did something really bad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
i did something really bad!
60
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:40pm

For those of you who know th ehistory..
I sent the lawyer-man e-mail tonight
<<***, thanks for your kind words in your last e-mail. It means a lot to me.
I am really not that nice of a person but it's great that you though of me as compassionate
enough.
I guess our last conversation on the phone caught me by surprise because even though
I had reservations - I thought we got alone pretty well and really you are the only
person I liked very much off of match in the duration of 7 months.
Yes, I had a nice time with you and I think we are both somewhat are off center
people and are somewhat similar personalities so if anything it would be nice to
stay on a friendly terms. What do you think?
I.>>

Someone please shoot me !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 9:46pm

Hey Ivos-


I know how interested you are in this one and how cute he is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 9:51pm
Do you think you have any shot of this working out? I was considering suggesting this to someone I met online. He's the only I've met in a few years that I was really interested in (since my last serious relationship), and while I've continued dating, I think he and I could have a really good time together. But I'm wondering if I could do it without winding up heartbroken in the end, even if I am dating other men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 10:47pm
Gosh, I am glad I am not the only one who had thought of this. I don't know what to advise you - I am a bit puzzled myself here. I did do the sex buddy thing once before in my early 20's and it worked but back than I didn't have any feelings involved and we were just good friends with benefits. There was no jealousy involved.
I don't know, I will try keep my emotions out of this one and enjoy the ride. I made a plan for Tuesday. I will spend the night there so I would like to get up early and just get out on my own without the whole breakfast together thing and this way the lines are drawn that he realizes that all I want from him is sex and that is it. I can kid myself all I want by this could never evolve into a serious long term relationship and I told him that today. I think he is the type that if he gets challenged in that way - he wants more and that is why he was all jealous today - asking me all these questions about my date. He asked me how old he was, what he did for a living and if I was attracted to this man. Totally bizarre and I don't really understand it but than again as I said before he is a little off center type of a person.


Edited 8/7/2005 10:51 pm ET ET by ivos2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 1:32pm

My 2 pennies from experience:

It doesn't work. I'm almost 26 & have been doing the OLD thing for about 4 years off and on. I tried this with someone I was completed uninterested in for a long-term relationship while meeting others, too. I think it's fair to say that females are more invested even if it's a casual relationship. ...Think about when he stops calling or doesn't call when you want him to, or doesn't respond to your calls. Or he's dating someone else. How will you feel then?

I think (for women) it's too easy to fall into playing relationship when there isn't one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 2:34pm

Wow, you're going to spend the night with him? I really don't know that I could handle that. Going over, "hanging out" (so to speak LOL), and going home to my own bed... That I could do. But not the whole night.

Keep us (well, me LOL) posted, if you don't mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:22pm
Well, what's the difference - it's all the same. I sleep well anyhow. It's more convenient for me because I work close to where he lives. He is aware of this because I told him so.
He called me again this morning.. He is one weird guy - and I am using nice words here. Strange - I mean why do the jealous pretend when he doesn't want anything serious out of this? I think he likes challenge and so do I. It will be interesting.
We changed plans for Wednesday. I will keep you posted :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 10:34pm

Hi Ivos,

I hate to be blunt, but it may be a case of he doesn't want you in his life (except for sex) but doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. Please be careful and very safe Ivos, he will probably be sleeping with others also and I'd hate for you to get some yucky disease.

I know for myself I couldn't do the FWB thing because I just get too emotionally involved. I *know* that I would be hurt if I knew he was going out one night with another lady and possibly having sex with her. I would just feel so used, even if we had agreed to the boundaries of the just sex thing. But that is just me.

Since my breakup about 2 months ago with my ex bf, I haven't had sex and do so miss it. I am quite sexual also, but for me I couldn't do the FWB thing just to satisfy my urges.

But I wish you good luck and hope you don't get your feelings or your body hurt...

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 10:48pm
Sunshine, I agree with <>.
I am pretty sure he doesn't sleep with anyone else and neither am I. We did talk about "terms and conditions" and one of them that each must tell the other if we want to pursue someone else and it's getting serious. He actually insisted on sex part being exclusive and I specifically brought up the messy part because health is something I don't compromise on. I think we are on the same page here.
I don't know what my feelings are towards him but mostly I just want to hurt him or something therefore I think I will do just fine.
Also, I am going out with other people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 11:09pm
Well Ivos I hope it works for you. Good luck... Sunshine
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:57am

<>

Did I read that correctly? You just want to hurt him? Why? If I remember correctly he called you and was honest with you and the two of you agreed that it wouldn't work between you. That is much more than you would get from most men. Now you want a FWB relationship with him just so you can hurt him? Where's the justification in that?