I don't get men!!
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| Sun, 03-27-2005 - 6:35pm |
So I met a guy from online a couple weeks ago. Things went great, I could tell he was really into me. We went out a couple times since then, kept in contact between dates, etc. He seemed to be on the same page as me, looking for something long term, had a good job etc. The type of guy that I am now looking for. I had a business trip earlier in the week, he picked me up from the aiport, which I thought was very sweet. He made comments about us in the future, called me sweetie, everything pointed to things going just fine. He called me Friday night, we didn't have plans, but he wanted to meet up. Well he ended up falling asleep at his sisters and called me at 2:30am apologizing, no big deal, but we had plans for last night (Saturday). He asks if I wanted to grab lunch. Great! Saturday comes, I don't hear from him, so I call around 3, no answer. I call again around 7:30 to make sure things were ok. He had just gotten out of the gym, said he was really sick in the morning and stayed in bed till 3. I told him he at least could have called me and told me, I could have made other plans. So he asks if I want to grab dinner, I said sure and to call me when he was done taking a shower and getting ready, about an hour or two. I even asked him if he was going to stand me up, if so then I will make other plans. He said "No no! I'm not going to ditch you." He called me 15 minutes later, said his step-mom had made him dinner, so he was going to eat at his house but we would still meet up. Never heard from him. I called at 10, just to make sure he didn't fall asleep or something. Called again at 11:30 pretty pissed and said I was going out and meeting friends. I went online and saw he was on match. I was fuming! I've never been stood up before, I just don't get it!
The guy was completely into me, well, at least I thought! I sent him a kiss off email, not totally mean, just telling him he should have had the courtesy to tell me he didn't want to go out. Basically a goodbye and good luck to him. I don't have time for that stuff. Have the balls to say something. Looks like he was a game player afterall. So I'm back at square one again, but at least I found out sooner rather than later.
So I changed my criteria on guys I should date, but even the ones who seem to have their stuff together are still game players! What am I doing wrong??
layx2

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You should try to figure out why you are attracting these guys. I do believe we mirror the prople we are attracted to because of our own stuff we need to deal with. You are very young, and at least you are figuring out now that the common denominator of the relationships is you. It took me a little bit longer. I just turned 36. So, don't make the same mistake and wait that long.
Someone from this board recommended a great book. I think it was NWW. It was about guys that are scared of commitment, which is a huge attraction for me. After reading the book, I did realize that I have the same issue even though I do believe that I very much want a relationship. The guys that don't want a relationship, I have a lot of chemistry with. Guys that do want it, seem a little boring to me and don't make me as comfortable. So finally realized that I need to get out of my comfort zone and try something different.
Try figuring out how the guys you date are similar to each other. Once you do that see if you also have that same trait, but trying to mask it. I'm not saying this is the way it is...but it did work for me.
Good luck to you.
Hi Iv,
Wow, was just pondering this today and spoke to a good male pal about it...he said definitely "Yes!", and I NEED to make a man "work for me". That SO sounds like gaming to me, but I think it is part of their hunter/gatherer DNA. Also, it appeals to the sportsman in them; competitive and like to 'win'.
IF the game is too easy or 'over' quickly, then it will not stick to velcro and they will be back, shooting fish in the OLD barrell. I am not even sure if Most men realize this is how they 'feel' about it, as I Know they do not spend a Lot of time "thinking" about their feelings, they Nike it and...Just Do It!
Man, I am Trying to be more that way! And...thank you, LG, I was just feeling pseudo-guilty that I have a date with New Other Guy this week, and Tall One is being so attentive....but, Easter or not, all my aigs are Not going to be in one basket.
it is Spring, and I think my dating intelligence mayyyy have sprung! I hope so!
Truly,
Cupcake
HI BC,
I do not know what "stream" you are thinking in, but I want a seat on that boat, please!!!
As I say, this was "My cinnamons exactly". I am in the same spot and I am Really giving it a Lot of effort to be highly chased, as HE seems to love it, and it is like a Day Pass to Toys r Us, for me, too! :)
The part of me my Gramma raised begins to kick in, and I have to shove down the lid on that Pandora's Box....no, I won't call, no, I won't bring him a cool candle I found that would be great in his den, and no...I won't flirt like that...just yet! And the lid on the cookie jar part was Pure Karma..I am headed to the hardware store for some of those colorful little bungee cord thingies, as this thing is staying on...Tight...this time. Temptation or Not, I must think of the long run, and Not the short heat!!!
Paddle faster,I want to get to the rapids!!! :)
Truly,
Cupcake
Hi Sheri,
True that, when I was married, ex hub and I went to 2 diff marriage counselors and Both said that it is Not a good trait to learn to say Whatever enters your mind because of the outcome, and of course, hoping that is in His favor (ie, getting sex). Then, people find a "disclaimer" that they can tack on the end, or soon after ANY sentence such as that. Often, "I'm sorry" is used. With OLD, they vaporize. The chickenhead way out!
I was raised to believe that you are responsible for what comes out of your mouth and How it makes others feel/react/think. There are times that things happen spontaneously and you are not held accountable, but this does Not give you poetic license in Every state in the Union to just let fly with Anything, to get what/where YOU want!!!
I feel that is what I am hearing from these OLD men, and if I get the armadillo armor in place, does that mean that I have become Jaded? That could suck..or be what I have Needed to be ALL along, to protect my heart/feelings/sensibility.
Truly,
Cupcake
Hi LA,
Reading through all of the threads here, I can see that you are wonderfully mature for your age and men Your age May be well behind you, at this time! Your being able to SEE and talk about the similarities here is why i LOVE this board and the people here. If One of us learns something that makes it the Least bit easier to get over some hurt, no matter how large or small, then it makes Everyone feel great. Collective learning with Tons of brainpower! :)
I am almost twice your age and Really thought that men from 45 to 55 would Surely be mature and through all of the Wylie Coyote behaviour?! My bad! I have come to feel that it comes down to the individual and as for OLD, you just have to take it as it comes, play the cards and see if you get a full house. More often than not, I Fold. But I ALWAYS walk away from the table a winner!
I have been doing OLD for about 7 months now, and I Just felt the light bulb in Cupcake Towers turn on! Power Up, Ben Franklin, let's light up this Planet!
Best to You and Be Very Proud of Yourself!
Truly,
Cupcake
Talk to your male friends that are successful men.
My cousin who is SVP of a major network in LA, 39 years old, still single, but now is ambivalent whether he wants to get married as he is comfortable with his life. He dates a lot and told me J- men are hunters/gatherers, mena nd women approach dating differently. we just want fun in the beginning we do not look ahead or see ltr in the picture right away.women do. they look at dating as the next day we are the "one" he said have fun .. also let the man work, if you don't let him value you and work for you, he will moveon once he has realized you are sold on him.. they love the hunt, the mystery , the thrill of the chase. is it gaming, no it's the way we are made up ,the way we think.
of course us women don't buy it, but remember women are emotional mena re logical. men may say things when they are w/ us because there emotions are running rampid, however when they leave they go back to the logic and the facts and realize what they said was an emotional response.. us women need ot also step bakc and look at logic and facts.
one he says all this futurism stuff but he barely knows me how can he think like that soo soon?? Women isn't this scary to you?? To meit is.. I don't take any of that into regard.
The last guy I dated, made comments the first day i met him about us traveling together, possibly livingtogether all that.It scared the heck out of me..Didi it happen no, did i care that he said no.. it was all an emotional response butlogically he barely knew me..
women, step back and realize, men are human too and make mistakes and they move fast. Possibly they do realize after you are not the one for the. but emotionally they may have thought so, but when they take the emotions away and look at facts and logic it is different
that is the problem w/ us women we are emotional beings and we sometimes don't always look at facts.. we look at our emotions, wow he is incredible,successful, good looking, nice house, seems nice.. wow he is osmeone Icould marry... wait a minute we just met, step back and look at facts and think it takes; a while to get a lot of facts, 6-9 months
so don't go buying everytihng a man says right away.. and don't take it soo personal or get bitter if it doesn't work out. sometimes we are always right for each other..
but men do have feelings too they are human just like us... no different just act differently sometimes, but think a lot of like, have the same hurts/fears /feelings..
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