Avatar for la_de_mafi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 4:55pm
Sure.. I bet for some people.. city life is the best. For me it just sucks. I guess I am just getting depressed. So many told me that it would get better in time, but I have been here since August and I still don't feel as if I fit in.

Guys are dogs. At least the ones I see. Maybe if I lived somewhere where it seems as if all the men aren't perverts. I feel like a piece of meat when I am not walking with Willy.. and considering I am a plus-size girl.. these men want to *super-size* their combo meal.. if you know what I mean. Men make comments as you walk down the street, and stare at you and it sucks. At first, I thought it was an ego boost.. but now it's a pain.

I miss sitting on my porch when I get home from work like I did in Indiana. There people would sit on their porches and it would be so relaxing.. watching the kids play and just enjoying the weather. Where I live, you can't sit on the porch, because you have none. Yeah.. you could sit downstairs on the stoop of the building.. but I don't feel like hanging out with the teenage guys that seem to have had that idea already.

And where do people get the idea that New Yorkers are so nice? They are rude. (Not all of them) but alottttttttttt of them are. Why are you in such a hurry to go somewhere anyways? You are still going to get on the same dang train or bus as me!!! Why do you have to push me trying to pass? Come on!!

Today when I was waiting for the train to come home from work, I saw a guy spit and it stuck on his face (funny as hell, lemmie tell you) and then he wiped it on one of the beams that say what train station you are at. It is something that I lean against every day.. let me say.. what I USED to lean against every day. How gross. I am telling you.. I can't believe half of the city hasn't caught some disease and died by now. Homeless people sleep on the same train benches that you sit on, and they aren't cleaned very often. The same with them sleeping on the train. They do it all the time. One train station that I have to go to on my way home smells like urine so bad. I used to smell fresh cut grass on my way home from work in Indiana, now I smell urine. Now tell me, which would you rather have? And the good thing is, I pay $4 a day to have this grand pleasure. Yippee.

I miss having friends. I miss my old job. I miss my friends at my old job. The ladies at my job had a *ladies night out* on Friday and everyone was talking about the planning of it on Wednesday, and this lady that I thought was my friend was planning it and didn't even ask me to go. I felt like such an outsider. It made me feel about 2 inches tall because I felt as if noone liked me. I asked the lady that was planning it on Wednesday when I found out about it, and she told me that I could go.. and I told her that, thanks but no thanks.. I wouldn't go. IF they would have wanted me there, they would have asked me in the first place. Then later, she told me that they didn't ask me because they didn't think I would go. What?? Come on... I went home and cried so bad the next day (Thursday) at work my eyes were swollen. Thank goodness I wasn't working in that department that day.

I miss having my own friends. I don't want friends that Willy had pre-arranged for me. I don't want to be best friends with his best friends wife. No.. I don't want to hang out with your friends all the time. I want someone that if for some reason, I want to complain and moan about Willy, that won't run and tell and it will get back to Willy. Does that sound bad or what??

Sorry for such a long post. Thanks for being here to let me vent.

Take care,



P.S. Sorry if YOU *HEART* NYC.. I am just not feeling it today.


Avatar for crystalgirl32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 5:37pm
I understand how you feel except mine is a little differnt.Instead of a train station smelling it's the chicken coops,Or the lovely aroma of Cow manure when the wind blows in our direction,YUCK!!!!

As far as the friend thing,it is soooooooo tough.John's friends wives are ok but I am a city chick and they are hick girls,(Sorry don't mean to offend anyone)so I always seem to be over dressed for things and feel out of place because their idea of dress up and casual clothes are totally different than mine.I had one girl try to tell me how do do hair color,what nerve,I've only been a hairdresser for 15years.I think I know what I doing.She was a blond who was going to home color her hair red.I tried to help with some suggestions but she got angry at me and told me she had been coloring her own hair for years and she knew what she was doing.I siad fine when your hair turns pink here is my card and walked away.

When I moved to Florida it took me 2 years to settle totally in and feel at home,so I try to remind myself that, when I want to pack up and go.Is there a way for you to take a class in something your interested in?It is a way to meet people who have the same interests and maybe you could make some friends of your own.I am still trying to take my own advice but it seems like if your not native here they don't want to talk to you.I made a few friends that are transplants like me so all is not lost.I hope it helps to know some of us are going throught the same as you.Big Hugs,Crystal
Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 6:52pm
Aw sweetie, big hugs. I know men can be pigs...I got the same thing when I visited NYC back in December...I was just like "ew get away from me" You just have to walk with your head held high and know that you are better than those low lifes. If you think it would help maybe you should go and talk to a counselor or something?




Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 7:04pm
I'm sorry you're feeling down Nikki. I felt the same way about where I lived after Steve and I got married. I was lucky though..it was only 45 mins from where I wanted to be and 2 yrs later we moved there. I'm hoping things will get better for you. Sending positive thoughts your way!


Avatar for jayecey
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 9:09pm
Sounds like it's time to take a little trip up to the adirondacks! Nikki, can't you and Willy get out of town once in while? I know it's not that easy, but getting out once in a while may help and it could give you things to look forward to. You could go camping on weekends, upper NY State is really nice and you could jump over to Vermont (my personal favorite place) and if you want, you can even come up here if you drive due north for about 8 hours lol. How about planting some herbs and flowers in pots and decorating and sectioning off a country space in your place? How about joining a book club or doing some volunteer work? You could meet people there, make new friends your friends.

I'm a country girl too hon and couldn't stand to live in the city, it's enough that I have to work there!

Here's a hug {{Nikki}}, I hope it starts feeling better for you soon!

Lotsa love


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 10:13pm
Just to share some of the wonderful things about New York - have lived here 36 years.

Central Park in the snow;

the way people smile at me on the bus (and I smile back)

the wonderful conversations I have with strangers while waiting for the light to change, for the elevator, on the bus, waiting in line at the supermarket

the view of the empire state building from my window

the view of the fireworks from central park when they have them

the guy who rode by me on a bicycle the other day, asked me directions to a music store and then exclaimed with a huge smile that he'd just been fired and he was so happy to be free!

the children I read to at the homeless shelter, and the homeless mothers I teach how to get an email address and put together a resume

the way I don't need a car and can walk almost everywhere

Central park on a gorgeous sunny day, just hanging with friends or alone and the people everywhere doing the same

the way you can go to a cafe or restaurant or lounge alone and hang out and no one blinks an eye

the way I get to see all the new movies as soon as they open

the imromptu concerts - all types of music, including classical - in the subway station

the guy who plays guitar for free on saturday afternoon in the summer time in a part of central park and the feeling of the crowd who listens to him

outdoor theater - shakespeare in the park - where the line forms starting at 5 AM for the free tickets and you make friends with others on the line - you're all in it together

how we new Yorkers survived 9/11 with so much spirit and postive energy

the way I can get comfort food - or gourmet food - or anything in between - whenever I want

I've lived and worked in bad areas and good areas (right now, good) - I've been assaulted, mugged, the victim of racial discrimination, and endured all the cat calls when I was younger mostly, growing up in Queens- I rode the subways by myselft starting at age 11 and crowded onto subways at rush hour for many years. I lived at home till age 28 until i could afford to live in Manhattan, I've endured rudeness in NYC but also many other places I've travelled. But, what stands out for me about NYC is the beauty, the diversity, the energy - the feeling that anything can happen and that you are not limited to a small social circle because there are so many ways if you need to to start over and meet new people. JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 2:22am
OMG Nikki, I want to go back to Indiana too!!! I had a post very similar to yours not too long ago. Dustin and I moved from Indiana to Connecticut last October. We plan on moving back to IN in like 5 years. But it doesn't seem nearly soon enough. I miss sitting on the patio on a nice evening just talking with family and friends. I have made some friends here but they by no means replace my friend in IN that I miss so much. And I too would like to be able to talk about Dustin w/o it being to Dustin. Since he's the only real friend I have here. I guess the only thing keeping me sane here is my mother and the support of others. Unlike you I live with my in laws to make matters worse.

Well, we're just two midwestern chicks outside of our territory. I'm just in Connecticut only a couple hours away, and we have an Aunt in NYC. So I would love to meet up sometime. I'm not 21 till August, but girl I think a Girl's night out would do me some good too ;). My AIM sn is KristinaMarie317. Hang in there, and I know how you feel so if you need someone to talk to you can PM me or I wouldn't mind being a phone buddy as well. Is there any possibility of you and Willy moving closer to home? The idea of knowing I will eventually be home, is whats helping me keep my sanity. I would also be sure to express your feelings to Willy if you haven't. Dustin suggested that I see a therapist. I think the only true solution is moving home which is unrealistic. But it may be something you would want to consider as well. Also, I think I'm going to start keeping a journal so I can rant and whatnot.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 4:41pm
I will have to agree with Deena on this one guys! I went to visit NYC last summer. I loved it! I loved Central Park!! I loved how the cab drivers honk at you to move over when you are in their way! lol I love the subway!! I love the way people yell out at one another on the street! I love the fast paced lifestyle! I love the commerce! I love the food!!! I really enjoyed New York so much, that I wanted to move there last year. I of course could not because of my children and their dad. So, maybe one day I will get that chance. Deena just totally outlined every single thing I love about New York! Oh, and the pizza is to die for there!! lol Even though I live in a small town, where when I go home I sit on the porch and wave at everyone who passes, I still miss that city life all the time. I love the apartments looking over everything in the city. It is a truly, beautiful place. I guess the bottom line is, you should be happy where you are, no matter where you are. It could be worse! lol


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 5:37pm
Wait - Gail - I don't get it - are you saying that there are other places other than NY (and Italy) that serve real pizza???? I would never have guessed, LOL. ;-). I will tell you one thing - over the past 5 years or more I have "made myself" remember to say please and thank you every time I make a request to anyone - not that I was rude before but you know you forget sometimes when you are in a New York rush speaking Newyorkspeak. And when you remember to do that you hear others so much more clearly not saying it as in "gimme a buttered bagel" "tall cawfee!" I also say thank you each time I exit a bus (and I am not the only one!).

Thanks Gail - it was really fun/warm/fuzzy listing all the things I love about NYC and I am glad you enjoyed it - I enjoyed your list too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 04-30-2003 - 12:35pm
Thanks Deena!! I almost forgot to mention! I love the way you guys talk!! Instead of "car", its "caaa" ! LOL I think that is more Jersey accent though. lol Seriously, I would walk down the street and say this to strangers, "How you doin?!" in my best New York accent. Being southern, it kinda came out slower, but people would laugh. People were really great there, I would have to say. No one was rude to me at all. I was expecting that, dont get me wrong. I guess my southern drawl affected them more than I thought. lol lol Thanks for the post Deena. Later!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-30-2003 - 2:26pm
Just for the record - I can do cawfee tawk like anybody's business but since I was a teenager I lost the New Yawk accent partly because my older sister was taking acting lessons and lost hers - unfortunately a heavy Brooklyn accent can sound dumb/unprofessional so there are actually classes - to lose it (I did it on my own).