"I forgot I already had plans."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
"I forgot I already had plans."
13
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 11:01pm
I've mentioned Michael on this board a few times lately...he's the guy I have been very interested in the last couple weeks. Well, yesterday he and I made plans for thursday night (4th date). We chose thursday b/c he had a work conference tuesday and wednesday. He didn't really even sound that excited about getting together which was a turn off. C'mon show a little emotion in your voice. Well, he emailed me this morning and asked if we could do something another night instead. He said he forgot he already had plans. I don't believe him at all... I think he's jerking me around. I think something 'better' came up, probably another date. (Yes, I'm jumping to that conclusion.) I've already had too hard of a time figuring him out and building momentum with this guy. Something was just "off" about him. I just decided at that moment that I'm not really that into him anymore. I replied to him and just said no and that it was time to call it quits.
I just don't have patience for guys jerking me around. If you make a plan then stick to it. Did he really think I was just so into him that I would let him string me along. I've read the book, "He's just not that into you"!! I told my friend this and she's glad I'm not falling into this pattern with guys. I used to puppy-after men I liked. Not anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 11:33pm
You go girl. "I forgot, I already had plans"...PLEASE. If a guy is going to jerk around at least have the decency to be more creative than that. One caveat about HJNTIY, if I reacted to my BF's last minute dates the way they recommend (dump him) I'd be missing a whole lot of fun. I guess in my case, it is just trying to cram in time together as much as possible w/our respective custody/work/school schedules. Plus, he's willing to jump when I call last minute as well. This way, we see each other 3 -5 x/week, rather than once every other week.
Since you already were feeling that things just weren't clicking w/ this guy anyway, trust your instincts- NEXT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 11:46pm
I'd be cool with the change of plans like you if he was indeed already my bf...or if I'd been seeing him a lot longer than this. YOu and your guy already seem to have that 'togetherness' feeling. If I had a good vibe from him already, then I wouldn't feel like I'd miss out on some fun with him...he's just rubbed me the wrong way on so many levels...so, yes, NEXT! :)
Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 7:28am
Just to play Devil's Advocate....I have sincerely double booked because I did forget that I had committed to something else. I always cancel the 2nd thing. It can truly happen. Yes, he may be jerking you around, but I've done it innocently.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 9:58am
I think that if you feel like he's jerking you around, your intution is always right. That's awesome that you have the self-esteem to just call it quits when you know you deserve better and that you don't waste your time with the wrong ones. More power to you, most women don't have the courage to do what you did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:21am

Well, like travkitty, I also have double-booked and follow the ettiquette rules that I cancel the second thing I booked.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 11:09am
Yeah, I was gushing about the guy. I know what you're saying but it wasn't just the cancelation that made me lose interest in him. The cancelation was the final straw. I would be fine if it were just that but there were other things he did that made me feel like the momentum wasn't there. I know that I was more into him than he was me. He used to act more diligent about getting to know me, returning calls, etc, but then he started returning calls late and acting not as interested. Each time I talked to him on the phone or had a date there was no continuum from where we left off. For example, he had told me on our first date all about how he was subpoenaed in a case so next time I saw him I asked him if he talked to the attorney yet since that's where in the conversation he and I left off last. There were so many things he could have asked me for an update on but each time I talked to him he acted like it was the first time he ever talked to me. He didn't seem like he was trying to get a rapport going with me beyond just having fun in the moment (which we did have fun). Yes, I know that it takes time to build up an interest in a new person you're dating, but he actually seemed to be digressing in his interest level. Considering the things he told me about himself and the responses I gave him, he wasn't reciprocating. Haven't you ever just lost interest in someone because all the little things you'd learned about them just made you realize you don't want to pursue anything with them. I was in a longterm relationship with a guy who pretty much acted like the relationship was all about him. It was one sided, and I was naive to continually play into that. Now, it's easier to spot certain traits, and chose to not get involved further with someone.
Regarding dating other people at the same time, I had only been on 3 dates with him and I have been dating other people the whole time. Though, I am not a serial dater. I think if you are dating too many people at once it waters down the quality of interaction...it's impossible to juggle information about 5 different guys/gals. I think he had his plate full and he was coming across generic, if that makes any sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:02pm

It does make sense and I agree - if you are getting the vibe and lots of signs, it probably means he's not interested.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:05pm
I didnt know what to think when i first read this, but i guess in the end i agree with, chanadevorah. I think it's safe to say that none of us here wants to be single anymore-we all want to find that someone who makes us tick and feel great about ourselves. this guy obviously wasnt doing that for, chanadevorah so he got nexted. It is sooo disappointing when you like someone a lot and they cancel a date. I have had this happen. I can also say that I have NEVER cancelled a date on someone that i truly liked and wanted to spend time with. Even if i realized, oops i have something to do, id say can we see each other before, after, whenever. I wouldnt just say, i forgot i already had plans and have that be that. Other people may have brushed it off and said ok fine, let's reschedule. I guess others want to see a guy make some effort for them, get excited over them and there is certainly nothing wrong with that either.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:20pm

I can see why you did what you did from this additional description. I probably would have given him ONE more chance, but I probably would have regretted it. I'm feeling like I've given too many men too many chances right now, and have wasted too much of my valuable time, frankly.

It's important to pay attention to your instincts I think. I think we know when a guy really isn't all that into us. Rarely is mine wrong when it's negative (and it's almost always wrong when it's positive, sadly) and I wish I paid attention more often. Good for you!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:25pm
I know it helps when posters give examples of situations. This is a good board b/c it does have ppl who "get to the heart of it all". I guess it doesn't suffice to say, "there were other reasons and things he did".

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