I got that "feeling"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
I got that "feeling"
29
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 8:09am

You know the one - the one where the other party (guy, in this case) all of a sudden changes his tune from BEING ALL OVER ME to being all COOLED OFF, like he's met another chick / had another great first meet with someone else. Then what happens is that I get back burnered, and he goes out with me one more time to try and get some, and then when he doesn't, he ghosts.

SO, now that I completely RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS, and I already have a new contact starting up that I am VERY interested in, I honestly feel like DUMPING the frekin jerk BEFORE he gets the opportunity to DUMP ME this time!!!! I TRULY DO! MARK MY WORD, IF I GO OUT WITH THIS DUDE on Thursday night for our "dinner date" as planned, that will be the last I hear from him.

So, ladies and gents, please vote. Do I go with my gut feel on this and dump the dude first? Or sit through Thursday, only to be the dumpeed afterwards.

Note: I *did* like the guy before I got the "feeling". And I'm sure you know that feeling I am talking about.....

JAYME

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:11am

NO! I'm not saying he's a bad guy! He's a decent guy, and I like him. I haven't been hurt. My feelings are not yet involved. I have my armadillor armour up until 3 months, remember!?

I just get the feeling that he's gonna ghost. It's just sort of that "turning worm" feeling that someone else described. I guess if you haven't gotten that feeling from someone, GOOD FOR YOU! I mean that positively! That's GREAT.

I just am thinking it *may* be a waste of my time to take it to the date stage, when the interest has clearly ALREADY waned on his part. That's ALL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:26am
I definitely agree with amjay on this one. Although what you said in your clarifying post to me makes it not quite so bad, it's not like this guy was your boyfriend and he cheated on you with another girl. You met for coffee. He is meeting lots of girls for coffee. At the time he met you, he thought you were pretty cool, nice, sexy, pretty, whatever. Now he has met some other girl that he thinks the same things about but he likes her a little more than he likes you (perhaps, or maybe just after some time after the meet with you he said, "meh, she's fine, but I'm just not feeling it after thinking about it." or maybe he is a commitmentphobe or scared or any number of reasons he could back off). Regardless, you hardly know this guy and for people to change their feelings and ghost at this stage is perfectly normal. To exact revenge because he changed his mind is still not nice at all. I do believe in Karma and that it will come back and bite you. You do something like this and something bad is gonna happen to you back. Revenge is sweet but it really accomplishes nothing except making you look like a bitter bee-yotch.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:28am

It seems to me that you're jumping the gun on this poor guy just because he's been a little lax towards you the last two days. Maybe he's been busy, or maybe he knows better than to spend too much time "connecting" with you before your official first date. You don't know that it's his intention to try to get sex from you tomorrow night and then dump you -- to me, that just seems like an awfully big assumption to make. If I were you, I'd go on the date with a more positive outlook. Look at it for what it is: a chance to see if he's right for you. Best of luck!

Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:32am

Revenge as in, the lobster dinner? Wasn't MY idea! LOL! I just thought it was funny. You're right though.

Or revenge as in, I don't really feel like seeing him now? I guess I like to be number one and hate competition (unless I win LOL!), so I'd rather back off than be rejected.

Alas, you are right though. I will put myself out there yet again. We shall see I guess. I'll do the dinner thing, and just order what I want, nothing extravagant.... (although it was a truly funny and great idea, and I really did spit out my coffee whilst reading it - either that, or the other option was to choke)

okay, thanks for the healthy dose of reality, Vex.

will update..... either way. I'm interested myself in how this one will turn out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:58am

No, I think it is fine to not go out with him if you are not feeling it anymore and expect him to ghost. You'll probably go in with that attitude and he'll pick up on it no matter what you do. My thing on revenge is the going and ordering a $100 dinner for some guy that just seems to have changed his mind and walking away with the pat on the leg. Sure, it's funny, but it really doesn't accomplish anything and is probably undeserved on his part. It just seemed like you were going to try that and I REALLY didn't think that was a good idea.

You have 2 options - 1) Go on the date with a good attitude and have fun. See where it goes. Maybe he had this other date and now that he goes out with you again will decide tht YOU are BBD. Give it a shot with an open mind. or 2) Call off the date and move on. Good luck no matter which you choose and yes, give us an update.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:55pm

Didn't mean to cause controversy...just trying to give city gal a laugh as it is genuinely lousy to be in her siutation! If you can smile when you are feeling bad about dating, it's all for the good.

Robyn




Edited 3/8/2005 12:57 pm ET ET by surfergirl_63
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 1:31pm

No, that's fine. Like I said, it WAS funny. The part that concerned me was the:

<<>>

Not to pick on city gal, but there was no "just kidding", "ha, ha" or anything to indicate that she REALLY didn't intend to go ahead with this or something similar.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 2:10pm

yes, there was a ha ha! It was actually the very very first time that I found and selected the Ha Ha "select an emotion" symbol! CHECK IT OUT! I usually only choose the hearts.

okay, it was a subtle ha ha.

I honestly don't think *I*'d be able to do something like that!!!! But then, you don't know me IRL, so I don't blame you.... Would anyone honestly? Perhaps....?

BUT IT MADE ME LAUGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 2:21pm
If I was hungry enough I'd do it! Ha, ha, ha...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 2:23pm

BAHAHAHA!!! okay, we are *totally* on the same wavelength!!! LOL!!!! can't stop giggling again!!!!!!