I hate men

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
I hate men
10
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 5:29pm

A seemingly nice guy emailed me through CL today - educated, Christian, local, ok with me waiting for sex - until he asked me if I drank alcohol. I said that I did, but don't get drunk - just see no reason not to have a drink. He emailed me back and told me that I was going to hell for drinking and he didn't want to date someone who drinks because I would be a bad influence.

HUH?!

Why can't I catch a break?







Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 6:49pm

Ugh...dealing with intolerance isn't fun. I've decided to end things with the guy I've been seeing due to what I feel is his intolerance...not to mention his inability to plan or to consider anyone's needs or schedule except his own.

But I can't agree with your title, although I do hear your frustration!!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 6:27am
The problem isn't men- the problem is being incredibly uptight about religion. One time when Jesus was at a party, he turned water into wine, so obviously HE didn't have any problem with drinking. Forget Mister Holier-than-Everyone and find a nice guy who can (gasp) put up with a woman who has a drink every now and then. NEXT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 7:18am

Yeah, and I thought I was uptight about my faith.

I even brought up the water into wine story, and he STILL argued with me.

Blah. I can't win.







iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 8:31am
I don't think you'd want to win with that guy anyway. Yuck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 5:18pm

Yeah I doubt that guy was real. That sounds like the freaks that hang out on CL for no other reason than to mess with people. It's one of the pitfalls of a free Web site.

But if he WAS real - geeze you don't want to bother with a religious freak like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 8:36pm
The point is, I'M one of those "religious freaks". If I can't even get one of those, who AM I going to get? I don't have a chance.







iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:34am

Do you pass judgement on others or tell people they're going to hell because they don't agree with your religious beliefs? I seriously doubt it.

Anyone who would tell a stranger that they're going to hell because they have a beer once in a while is weird. More than likely the guy is a recovering alcoholic who falls off the wagon once in a while. He hates himself so he passes judgement on others who he sees himself in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 7:57am

That guy isn't a religious freak. He is a person who views the behavior to be the root of the problem rather than a manifestation of the problem.

My experience is people like that never see how they are making themselves unhappy by the choices they make. Instead, they look at the events in their life and blame the events for their unhappiness. This is what I call "victim mentality".

Alcohol is not the problem, but the choices people make about alcohol and the behavior they blame on alcohol can be problematic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 10:05pm

I don't think the guy is a freak, or even a mess. He is just immature enough in his faith that he is being dogmatic. He may or may not change.

You, dear original poster (I apologise not being sure if you are 'withrespect' or?) But anyway, yes, this was your break. If you are serious enough about your faith to say you are one of those freaks, but at the same time, able to judge something like the difference between having a drink, and drunkenness, rather than blindly follow the dictates of others, you have different spiritual needs than this man, and it was a break for you to find out he's not ready for you yet, and may never be. But know this. There are men out there serious about their faith, yet not dogmatic too. And they feel like they can't get a serious break from a real Christian woman. If there is a desire in you to be paired up with one, then I believe our Creator put that desire in you because he intends to fulfill it in his time. And when you meet the one that will be for you, he will value you for that spiritual strength you have. He will need help from someone like you. And treasure you being just as you are. How do I know? I feel your frustration.

When I met my late husband, we were both amazed that there was anyone else out there that could understand us as we were spiritually, as well as put up with, and actually treasure all the rest. When I lost him in death, I thought I'd never find another that would do. I've come off of a two year engagement, in which I think the man treasured what I have to offer, especially spiritually, until he became convinced I wasn't for him.... Now after floundering another good while, I am involved in another long distance relationship in which spiritual understanding and appreciation is the hallmark. If we choose to progress, above all else, he will continue to appreciate my spiritual understanding. I've learned there are men like this out there. They are the minority, but they are out there, ...and looking too! So stop telling yourself you hate men. You know you don't. Men are neat, ...It's just that the chase, rat race, and Mr Wrong disappointments are frusterating. Take the time to be all you can be. And enjoy life! You are loved! Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: lothiriel2000
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 11:15pm

I have no trouble believing that guy was real. Here in the Deep South you run into them all the time. My daughter's first boyfriend (seventh grade) broke up to her because she wasn't a Christian (meaning she didn't belong to HIS denomination--the church she'd been raised in wasn't good enough) and spent most of eighth and ninth grade telling everyone that he was praying for her.

I have used the "water into wine" story with people who object to drinking and mentioned the Last Supper and so forth --but what I have run into is the idea that "this wasn't real wine." It was grape juice that had not really fermented enough to be wine, but people called it wine. So, you see, Jesus and his disciples drank non-alcoholic wine.

I agree with everyone who has commented on this guy's intollerance. I suspect he's not going to have much luck getting a date if he goes on like that.

Elsa