I have a crush on a younger man
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I have a crush on a younger man
| Sun, 10-01-2006 - 2:22pm |
....and he is 400 miles away from me. Too funny!!! As I am the voice of reason with my friends and here I am crushing on someone completely unavailable. He just had a birthday so he is at least 30 now (I am 36). Unfortunately the distance and age are a factor so I have told him we will have to settle for pen-pals. I have to say he comes off so much more mature than a lot of the 40 somethings I have heard from on Match. We are having great conversations and are both in a similar place in our lives. If he were closer I would make him an exception to my age criteria. ;)
Oh well, at least I found someone I can talk to online.

Your thread caught my eye since I have always been drawn to guys a bit younger than me. I am 46 but am told I do not look it at all. Compared to the majority of women I know in my age range, I would agree I do not look my age. Likewise, I have not been physically drawn to older men at all. Ideal match would be right about my own age, but I have had "crushes" also on men 5-8 years younger than me. Quite honestly, 6 years either way isn't much of an age gap. But, I have learned something in recent months. It does not matter so much the age as it does the maturity level of some of these men. Some are mature at 30, some are still not grown up or responsible well into their 40's. I made the mistake with OLD of assuming that men over 40 had their act together and were mature. Wrong...on both counts.
I have had a good friend who is a few years older than me tell me for years now to go after men who are older. She claimed that they were more stable and knew how to treat a woman where some of the younger guys did not have a clue. She may be right because I am now interested in a guy who is about 6 yrs. older than myself. He's good looking and honestly does not look like he could be in his 50's. It is too soon to tell if this might be a match because we have not officially gone out yet. However, I am hoping my friend is right and that maybe I should have been going after some that were older. I will probably always have a thing for guys younger, but I am wanting more than just physical appeal. I want emotional appeal and someone who has some staying power along with commitment to the relationship. So far, those younger guys were not up to the task of being emotionally ready for a relationship (long-term or not).
I can relate to what you are saying about your ex. My long-time guy I dated for years was only a year younger than me but still lived at home with his parents. He never grew up and continues to this day to live with his Mom and act like a juvenile in many ways. He had his good qualities, but growing up and making adult decisions were not among those qualities. He has been stuck in an early 80's time warp for years. That was when we started dating and stayed together for many years before I finally ended things.
Even though I have been an emotional wreck with men who let me down since then, deep in my heart, I KNOW a woman can get over any man. I proved it to myself by finally getting free from an immature, selfish guy who refused to be a man. Sometimes we settle because we think there is not going to be a better guy later. Sometimes actually being alone is preferable to spending time with someone who does not appreciate or value you as a person. As we get older, it is easy to convince yourself that there will be fewer and fewer opportunities for meeting the right guy. I have played that mind game with myself many times in recent years. We overlook major flaws in someone just because there isn't someone else waiting in the wings if things don't work out with this one. I have been in that mindset far too many times, but ultimately, I know I deserve better than what I have gotten with some relationships. Knowing when to cut and run is the thing though. Women tend to put up with more than they should since we usually hope things will get better before they get worse.
It has taken me 4 months, but I am now of the belief that I dodged a bullet when Mark left town. I waited on him to get his act together all summer. Never did happen, and I am not sure I could ever forgive him for the way he handled things. Now, I am hoping for something better and am no longer interested in Mark. Wow..never thought I would be saying that, but TIME really does heal a lot of wounds.