I. Just. Don't. Get. It.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
23
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 9:37am

Hello everyone.....

I've been involved with other things for a little while (very sick dog, but that's another story), so I've been away from the board.

I had some news the other day which just blows my mind. A friend told me that a mutual acquaintance got married. This is where "I just don't get it" comes in. When I tell you that this woman is a MESS, I am not kidding. This is a woman who was $40,000 in credit card debt TWICE, declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy TWICE, takes every anti-psychotic medication known to man, and has a mental illnes where she actually pulls her hair out and has to wear a wig.

Here I am......Miss Normal and I can't find someone who likes me enough to go out with me more than once and SOMEONE MARRIED THIS WOMAN????? I just don't get it. You are probably all thinking there must be something wrong with the guy who married her, but my friend has met him and he seems to be really nice.

My grandmother used to say....it was in Polish, but the literal translation was......every garbage can has a cover.

Where's mine? I just don't get it.

ABM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 9:44am

Hi Ann,


I feel your pain, but remember: like attracts like.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 9:46am
Ann, I hear ya, sister! Hey, Scott Peterson is getting marriage proposals. Go figure.
I look at some of my annoying coworkers (who are all married, of course) and shake my head in wonder. You can't beat yourself up though; there is no rhyme or reason to this stuff. That's one thing I've learned over the years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:20am

Same here. I see it all around me. I am attractive, intelligent, good job, own my own home, as mentally stable as anyone can be in this society. I take very good care of myself. Yet all around me, I see women who are slovenly, mentally screwy, and self-centered with good men. I do think many men like needy women so that they can feel masculine.

As someone said, there is no rhyme or reason to this love stuff. If there were, alot of us wouldn't be single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 10:57am
I do understand that many men do need a needy woman. I had dated a guy a few times and then he went to spain on a trip and just dissappeared after that. At the beginning of the year we got in touch again, he only lives a few blocks from me. He told me the trouble that he had with a crazy ex-girlfriend that was taking care of his dog while he was gone. As we discussed other relationships I noticed a pattern with the women he dated and called him on it. He even said, that besides for all the stuff that was happening to him when he returned he also didn't call me back because I didn't need him in anyway. Therefore, how could he help me. It was hard not to take it as an insult, but the more I thought about it the more it meant more that if someone is with me they are actually with me because of me and not for filling some emotional need that needs to be filled. I know I rambled there, but I hope it makes sense. (I want to get outside before it starts raining again).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 11:09am

There are lots of folks (both men and women) who feel the need to be rescuers.

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 3:23pm
would you date or even marry the guy she married? i'd prolly venture to say your answer would be no. sometimes when we have higher standards it takes longer to find that right mtach.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 4:25pm

Been banging my head against that same wall myself lately. We just got to hang on.


Hoping for the best for everyone!


Michele
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 6:06pm

Muire,

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. He probably needs someone to need him. And, boy, he couldn't have picked a better candidate. This woman is certifiable!

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 7:50pm

Hi AnneB,

Sorry about the sick pup, hope they are better!

Man, I am with Every word from Every Sister here! How many times do you hear "oh, a lady like you Must have a boyfriend?" ummmm....No. Or how about having so many dates tell you that you are Exactly what they are looking for, only to disappear on you in no time flat! What's Up, Doc?

Take New Man; 4 great dates, he was very nice, very in to me, we got somewhat intimate last week, after a discussion that we can make out Own agenda, and that would Not change how much he liked me...but, the day after is when...I swear..his attention fell off by 50%!!! No more calling, text messages each day, many fewer flattering comments! Last night, we had a date, that got rainchecked because his work kept him til very late, so since we both worked early today, he said "we can go another time. I'll call you soon". Well, so far, Not today! Oh, and btw, he made Issue of the fact that his 'last girlfriend'(does that make me The 'Present Girlfriend' now?) did not understand his having to work late at all. I was sweet and said I missed kissing him, but we can get together asap,biz is biz and Has to be tended to.

Well...slap me for being TOO nice, I guess? Hand me that Prozac and a bottle of Jack Black, I got a bad case of carpe diem!

whatEVER!

But, the company I keep here (all of you) makes me feel SO much better, as I feel WE are on the 'good' side of things!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 7:52pm

>>My grandmother used to say....it was in Polish, but the literal translation was......every garbage can has a cover.<<

The Asian version that I've heard is "every pot has a lid."

I here ya, though. I'm astounded at some of the guys that I know that wind up married, or at least with regular girlfriends.

It starts early, I'm afraid. I was at the mall the other day and there was a group of 3 late-teen boys and a girlfriend of one of them. Mr Big said something like "Go get me a cookie, ******" and the guys laughed. She looked kind of hurt but went over to Mrs Field's anyway.

Now, I don't want to be too much of a dirty old man, but this was an absolutely gorgeous girl- very cute. I wanted to go over, kick her "boyfriend" right square in the groin, knock his lights out, take her out of there, and just yell at her "you don't have to put up with that kind of loser" to try and wake her up.

In hindsight, I really DO wish I'd said *something* to the little jerk, or to the girl.

Anyway, I have come to believe that there's actually probably many lids that will fit a given pot; the trick is to find one that fits well and work well together.

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