I. Just. Don't. Get. It.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
23
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 9:37am

Hello everyone.....

I've been involved with other things for a little while (very sick dog, but that's another story), so I've been away from the board.

I had some news the other day which just blows my mind. A friend told me that a mutual acquaintance got married. This is where "I just don't get it" comes in. When I tell you that this woman is a MESS, I am not kidding. This is a woman who was $40,000 in credit card debt TWICE, declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy TWICE, takes every anti-psychotic medication known to man, and has a mental illnes where she actually pulls her hair out and has to wear a wig.

Here I am......Miss Normal and I can't find someone who likes me enough to go out with me more than once and SOMEONE MARRIED THIS WOMAN????? I just don't get it. You are probably all thinking there must be something wrong with the guy who married her, but my friend has met him and he seems to be really nice.

My grandmother used to say....it was in Polish, but the literal translation was......every garbage can has a cover.

Where's mine? I just don't get it.

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 8:12pm

ABM, sorry to hear about your dog. I hope he/she is ok now.. In the last year around this time, I found my first dog had a cancer. He died within 6 wks, which still makes me cry sometimes, but I've got a new puppy which keeps me busy.

Anyway, I'm on the same boat, I hear ya. I just say to myself, some may be with wrong people, you never know which is better - being married with a wrong guy or being single and cautiously searching for the right one. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 6:53pm

Cupcake,

You always make me laugh!!! I'd rather spend my time with you guys on here than some jerky guy any day!

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 7:05pm

Ya know, not to bash men or anything but I really think that some of us are just kinda demanding. I think many, many women just put up with so much bullsh*t that men are pretty much used to it. I'm still really good friends with most of my ex-boyfriends and pretty much across the board they all say that I'm the kind of girl that they know they can't get away with a lot of bs with. They all said it's a good quality but it makes a guy work.

I've accepted that not all men will want to be with someone like me and that's okay. Studies show that single women are much happier than married women and that married men are much happier than married woman. Kinda makes you wonder why we're all so anxious to get into a relationship!

Most of my girlfriend's who are in relationships put up with way too much for my taste. Men and women may be different but we're equals. IF you don't know how to treat a woman as an equal rather than a mother, housekeeper or doormat then you can just walk on by!

And before the men jump down my throat - I love you all, I really do. It goes both ways. Of course there are women that treat men poorly but they keep getting dates so you do the math!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:29pm

here's my take:

nice man- bitchy woman-- obviously he is not secure w/ himself to tolerate bS from a woman (or she is totally hot and he don't give hoot, just a trophy wife, but still insecure and she probably is not that secure if she is bitchy)
nice woman -mean guy-- she is not totally secure w/ herself puts up w/his BS. and he probably isn't that secure either if he is treating her like crap

likes attract likes. yes.

then there is the codependency/rescuer issue.

control change- you meet someone they have great qualities, but a few that have some potential, you figure they can come around or you can help them or you feel sorry for them. you are the rescuer and figure they will change for you.. so you tolerate things becuse you think it will change.

then there are two healthy individuals that have good self confidence and attract to eachother. and its about priorities and making the r'ship work.

and I also think some men do attract to needier women becasue the women that are more put together and stable intimidate/scare them. its the thing they want most but it does n't make them feel as worthy , and they don't feel like a man/to take care. as much as they say they want an independent woman they are scared s...less. and it makes them feel better to be w/ someone they can help, but that is kind of on the same thing as the rescure/codependency.

and some people think they have it all together, but really have some selfesteem issues and don't think they are worthy of a well adjusted partner so they go for someone they think they are worthy of who ends up being one of the above.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 12:18am
well said!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:45am

Great response Rosema! I feel that the hair pulling woman of the beginning of this thread has many issues and the man with her is definitely one that has to have a needy woman to feel worthy or important - and possibly to make humself feel that he is better than others in order to hide his issues, which I'm sure he has to have some of, because how could he be with a woman with as many issues as that woman has if he were a healthy person? People can look normal and nice on the outside in their public persona, but can be a mess inside with numerous unresolved issues.

I do feel that possibly men (mainly the guys over 35) might be intimidated by stronger women who don't require as much "taking care of" since these men were brought up to be the providers of the family and see their worth by that criteria. If their lady doesn't need much taking care of then they aren't needed as much.

I feel that the younger guys see the stronger self reliant women in a better light than the older guys do. IMO, it's a role thing and the younger guys were brought up with working moms and dads and see more equality in a relationship - where the older guys still may possibly feel the need to be the main provider in the relationship and like to feel needed. The younger guys like to feel needed also, but their relationships are more of a partnership. It does seem that the younger ones share mroe responsibility with raising of the children, where many older guys do it but with some resentment of it biting into "their" time (excluding LG of course!). Granted there are exceptions to each age group! JMHO.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:50am

It's interesting for me to see all the profiles from men that stipulate "financially and emotionally independent"! This must be the new crop you are thinking of.

I wonder if "hissy fits" would be a deal breaker for them?! I do some FINE ones.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:59am

You crack me up! Yeah I think a "hissy fit" just may be a deal breaker for them! It wouldn't fall under their description of emotionally independent! ;)

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:38am

Hi, abm, I'm late getting to this post because I've had some trouble posting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 3:46pm

Stacey,

Would I want to be her? O. M. G.....NO!!!!!!! She is a wack job. But I gotta hand it to her...she's flashy and attracts attention.

Thanks for asking about the dog...she's doing better....my little sweatheart

ABM