I Just legged it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
I Just legged it
20
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 2:24pm

I have just met a guy that I have been emailing for the past week and had to escape through the lady's

We agreed to meet for a drink at a pub near my work sat evening
He was different from his photograph.( turned out he used a photo he took 15yrs ago when he was 35 and 150lb lighter)

Now I know why he asked me how long ago my photo was taken.

He was totally out of breath from walking the 15 or so feet to our table.
As we sat down he blurted out "now I spose you wont want to date me"
I was totally freaked out.(I smiled right through did not let my horror show one bit)

I didnt like being taken by such suprise.

He must have weighed 350lb easily.
I told him I ran 5miles each day. was into fitness because of its therapeutic uses for me
and was important to be with a like minded guy so that he will be part of my support system. And will also understand my dedication.

Mr said he was muscular in our emails. but not overweight. I asked him why he misrepresented his appearance his answer is he believes in unconditional love (gag me)

I know its awful but I went into the ladies phoned on my mobile for the bill, explaining I was not coming back to the table, a nice girl brought the bill I payed and left via a side entrance. Called him and told him I was not coming back to the table.

I was thrown off balance because i was discussing sincerity and honesty with this bloke and he was telling me how high his ethics are. Yet he posted with a photo of when he was 35 now he is 50 and weighed at least 150lbs more and could hardly walk across a room without serious risk of a MI

I feel lousy for the way I felt and the way I left, but could not bear to sit there and listen to this selfrighteous fraud.(Weight watchers et al are after your money and such other drivel)

Sorry my inaugural post is about such poor encounter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 5:50pm
I have been lucky and everyone I had met looked liked there pictures. I am upfront prior to meeting that if they don't look like there picture I am leaving for security reasons. Before I even leave the house I tell the sitter where I will be, whom I am with (I have there picture on my computer) always meet at a public place, cell available and the second I step out of the car and he looks nothing like the pix. Goodbye.............
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 1:23pm

Boy, I have to say that you handled the situation beautifully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:04pm

While I can understand how unhappy you were, I don't see the problem with just politely asking to go or when you left to the bathroom having someone calling you to say you had to go or something of that sort.

Although it wasn't right that he lied to you about his appearance, I think leaving out a side door, paying for your bill in the bathroom and leaving this guy in the bar by himself is beyond rude, it's insensitive to the nth degree. I hope nobody ever does that to you, that's horrible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:06pm
If some guy did this to any of us girls here, we would all be telling her how disrespectful that was, I don't see it any different in her case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:07pm
ITA!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:30pm
I completely support what you did on that date! I don't know if I would have had the wherewithal to call from the ladies room, but this was one the most enjoyable stories I've read on this site. You have nothing to feel bad about. Your "date" completely mis-represented himself so he should have expected to get his feelings hurt.
I had a motorcycle date with someone who sent me a pic of himself on his bike and he looked pretty cute. We chatted on the phone before meeting and got along very well (conversaton wise). When I met up with him for our bike ride, I noticed he was way shorter than he described in his profile + heaver. I should have bowed out graciously but I didn't have the nerve. Needless to say the motorcycle ride was up to some obscure art town where I'd have no way to get back. I had to make up a story over breakfast that my ex boyfriend was really upset about our date and threatened to commit suicide (partially true - but that's another story). He was kind enough to take me home but not after attempting to hold my hand, and also enjoying the way my body slid into his everytime he stopped at a light (ugh). He did IM me later asking if he'd ever see me again and I said "probably not".
hello
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 8:59pm
Former poster delurking. I agree that you should let go the guilt. He put you in a catch-22. Your only acceptable option in his mind was to date him, even though he's a manipulative liar. You stayed, you listened to some nonsense, and if you had tried to excuse yourself face to face, he would have thrown a guilt trip at you. What you did was gutsy and well-deserved. Have a laugh over it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:10pm

Hi dmc,
Well after reading this thread and the rebuttal thread I have to say I'm with you on this one. Though I can agree with some of the things that the rebuttal posters said...ie. if a guy had done this to one of us, there would be no justification, or it was disrespectful, or cowardly...well perhaps, but after re-reading the OP I just can't find a shred of sympathy for this fool. He knowingly put you on the spot and then tried to make you feel shallow. What's with that unconditional love crap anyway! Love is totally conditional, but I digress...
I honestly don't think that anyone here would misrepresent themselves so blatantly...so to use the arguement of karma is a little off base. Besides, had you gone back to the table and confronted him, who knows how he would have reacted and it could have made an already uncomfortable situation much worse, and IMO I don't think he deserved the kindness of you going back and forcing yourself to finish the date.
I think you handled it with more class than this clown deserved.

Chele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:18pm

"I think you handled it with more class than this clown deserved."


Could not have said it better myself!

CL-Truewild1969


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Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 4:03pm

Thanks a trillion Truewild
I will use this reply to address a point or two.
All of you who disagreed with me I wholeheartedly thank you.

The reasons you gave for your disaproval of my conduct, provided me with much needed clarity and has given me good reason to stop agonising over the unfortunate incident and the step I took to end the charade.

These truths I know,
a) I will never cast my pearl to swine
b) I will not inadvertently play into anybody's michiavellian tactics.
He tried to (note the operative word is "tried to") obtain my company no matter for how short a period of time by fraud
Sniffle Sally I am not you and will never be so there.

For all those who thought I should not be tarred and feathered for my conduct
I am glad you stepped outside selfrighteous sentiments to see that I am human and had a purely human reaction to a blatant lie.(my pervasive dynamic is to vociferously reject liars and their ways, especially in romantic or quasi romantic encounters.)

To me I say Thank God I did not sit there and reward his conduct by sitting through a part of my sat evening with him.

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