I know I should start running now...
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I know I should start running now...
| Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:33pm |
I took myself out of hiding today in order to email a guy that looked interesting. He responded tonight. He said thank you for the nice email. He had just gotten back on match after a painful experience so he's certainly open to making new friends but nothing else for awhile.!!!!!!!! I had to laugh. Here I go again. Where on my profile does it say "please contact me only if you've recently broken up, been hurt or not over your ex"!! Why are these people on a dating site? He said he recognized me from the bank where I used to work. (that was alittle weird). Anyway, I wrote back and said I'm sorry for his experience, that I had one of those last year. blah blah blah.... We'll see. Hey, I was just excited to get an email!

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donna, you crack me up!!! Maybe Match imbedded subliminal messages in your profile!
amjay
Hi Donna,
Oh, and I would add to my new profile..."and, by the way, feel free to use all of the tried and true lines that work on we women, on me; blitz me with fancy dates and chat about 'perfection' and how 'wonderfullly different' I am, --basically, Please treat me like a mushroom: feed me shi* and keep me in the dark" Awwww, yeah...I love it!
I guess, as you already Are, that I would be wary of this man. Hey, I just had a Cupcake Moment: --what IF these men are now using this "I just got out of a realtionship/hurt" thing to KEEP us at arm's length, yet, invoke the "awww, pooor mannnn" 'mother bear' side of women? I have had two approach me with the "baby duck with foot stuck in the in the water rat trap" story....Hmmmmm...
what say you?
truly,
Cupcake
I seriously think you are right. I have long suspected it. I think one of the chapters of Chicks For Dummies is entitled, "Appeal To Her Nurturing Side and She'll Kiss It Better!"
I'm somewhat joking.
amjay
Hi Amjay,
No...really...no kidding...I think this is a real possibility!
You see,I responded to the Smooth Criminal of the last 10 days, Because I felt he was so Honest with me! His "I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your wink, I recently ended a relationship". Oooh, I thought, that is so 'Open"...yeah, about as Open as the Sahara is WET! I guess That was orchestrated to make me think (as I did) "gee, at least he can Commit; unlike some of these guys(women too!) that are shotgunning and doing hit and run dating"
Actually, I think he put the FUN in DysFUNctional! When he wanted empathy the other night, trying to convince me to come see him Anyway, though the date got pushed past 10pm, due to his work,and I said I would take a raincheck, as I had to work early and long hours on Sunday, he said "well, my Last girlfriend was not very understanding"...snif...snif....Sucks to be You, huh?
It is amazing Just how Radial Keratotomy my life becomes after I take a trip to Stupidville!
I plan to "let it burn"!...and roast marshmallows in the flames! :)
S'mores anyone?
truly,
Cupcake
Hi Donna,
I know all of us enjoy some nurturing, but I understand how you are feeling, because when I first started doing OLD last year, I only attracted the very needy men that had the "oh poor me" stories that were just out of bad relationships, were separated or going through divorces (which I felt they shouldn't even be on a dating site as they were too fresh to the pain of the split up which I had to learn about myself the hard way!). Sure these stories came in many variations as I met man after man and I began to see a pattern evolving. I eventually realized that I was somewhat needy myself then and just wasn't ready for dating as I was still working through my past divorce issues and trying to heal.
I think people get on the dating sites because they are lonely and just feel the need to fill that void with someone that will respond to their aching, and most of us have been there and do sympathize, or possibly even empathize with these hurting people. It's rather like wanting a bandaid to cover the boo boo, to just make the hurt go away so we don't have to feel it anymore and think that will happen if we can just find another person to fill that void, quickly. Yet they have to do their own work to get through and understand their issues and to become healthy and then become ready to handle a new relationship without always referring to the past broken ones. It took me awhile to realize that I couldn't kiss it and make it better for them, even though little kisses can feel good...
So whenever I talked with one of these guys or they emailed and would tell me about their failed relationship(s) and gave details, I knew right away that they were not good for me, as I was moving past the stage that they were in and was healing and becoming healthier in my life. So talking ot them was kind of a step back in my development, even though it did make me feel somewhat better to be there to listen to them, to feel somewhat needed if only for a short time.
Yet as cupcake said, maybe they are just using this ploy to appeal to our nurturing sides, as I feel that most women are quite nurturing. We love to make people feel better and for things to be good and for people to be happy (oops- I was talking about myself! ;) ).
I'm not saying you have anything in your profile that gives the feeling that you will make these guys feel better, but I found some things in my profile that could have been misconstrued as that, so when I was ready to do OLD again at a later time, I wrote a new profile, as I then had more positive attitudes about life, and I could tell that the descriptions of myself were of a much healthier stronger woman, and therefore, I attracted stronger type men also, rather than the needy ones - well still some weirdos also but I think that's inevitable with OLD! I do feel we get what we give out in the universe...or as some say, like attracts like, and that was the case with me last year.
I am not a counselor and if these guys are hurting so badly or having past relationship issues, then they need to get professional help, do group therapy, read self help books, or whatever, because I finally determined that I was out there to date guys, not to counsel them! But that was my choice.
Donna you seem like a really sweet person and I hope that things change for you soon.
Sunshine
Hi Amjay
I believe Match has that selection - "so long ago it doesn't count". Yeah it's a good alternative. :)
Sunshine
I admit it - I got on Match almost immediately after breaking up with my ex, because I was eager to get past it and move on - I wanted to get out there and meet new people and have new experiences.
And it's perfect for my situation. I think this is one of the reasons why I am not suited to someone who isn't over the ex yet, or is still in conflict with an ex over the children. I worked very hard the first couple of years post-breakup to clean up our respective acts and don't have much patience with those who don't do that.
The other reason is working in a law office. Seen it all, heard it all.
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