I Know it's Not S'posed Ta' Matter.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
I Know it's Not S'posed Ta' Matter.....
10
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 3:48pm

Hi Y'all,

I know it is not supposed to mean anything when someone you are dating shows up as "online now", and as ongoing as I feel I am...it is Still an "ouchie" situation.

I have my 4th date with New Man tonight, and he is 'online now', but has not called me at all today.

No matter what, as we say here it IS best to be Totally UNattached in any way to these folks...otherwise, you find your feelings under the train...it Does kinda make you wonder WHAT they are looking for, if they like You enough to keep asking you out?

Truly,
Cupcake

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

No, it just makes me think they are being sensible and not putting all their eggs in one basket until we know each other MUCH better. Besides, I'm doing the same thing!

If you're seeing him tonight, why would you expect a call today? Or did you not have firm plans?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004

HI NW,

Good answer...and I guess that is very true! Like us, many of these people have been burned/used/disappointed, so they keep up the armadillo armor. That is why I went on and sent a few winks today; better to diversify, stay busy. and let this go where it will. it has been great so far.

We did have pretty firm plans, but he Had been calling to say hello, lately twice a day...and the last 2 days, I just missed that. He called a while ago and reiterated the plans we do have for later tonight. No worries, Mate.

Again, I KNOW it is a 'cupcake moment' and I just had Wayyyy too many of them strung together there, for my comfort! "It aint easy living between these ears", but replies like yours Sure do help--thank you!

Does anyone else feel like they just "think" too much, at times?

Truly,
Cupcake

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Glad to hear that he called and I hope you have a great time tonight!

If it's any consolation, it's very easy to "think too much"...I'm having kind of the opposite issue with the guy I am seeing tonight (our 3rd get-together), as match shows him as not being online in over 3 weeks...I'm wondering if that means he's expecting that I'm not meeting or dating other people at this point (we haven't discussed it at all)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I do believe I am the President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer of the "Think Too Much" Club!!! :) I over analyze everything. I haven't heard from the guy I went out with on Tuesday since he emailed me on Wednesday and it's driving me crazy. I'm doing my best to keep busy and not email him. And I start to think...okay, he has his girls this weekend...umm he's at the gym...ummm what did I say on Tuesday that might have turned him off...ummm I wonder if he's wondering what I'm doing...umm it's the HJNTIY thing...oh these voices in my head keep me up at night! LOL LOL. I did email someone new today and I'm still emailing two others, so I'm trying not to have all my eggs in one basket. I think we all 'over think' sometimes because basically we as humans have the innate desire to be liked. You're not alone, cupcake! Let us know how the date goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004

Hi Cupcake,

Yes, I am guilty of thinking too much. I have been accused of being too picky, too unavailable, (and have over the top expectations when it comes to phone calls). Any change from what has been puts me on edge, even when I know (and know because I was told what was happening, not becasue I asked, info was freely given) there will probably be a variance from what has become the norm. But again, as I said in a previous post, I go back to the Dating for Dummies book to put the perspective back on the situation. I think my biggest problem is I know relatively quickly if a guy has potential to be more than just a friend and to what level things may go and I have an attitude if I know, they should know. The truth is I don't really know, I just think I do becasue I do not really know the person that well at all. so I have to keep reminding myself to look a little deeper into the water before jumping in. It's hard.
Best of Luck.
J

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004

Hi Ya'll,

And here, I thought I was the 'West Coast Distributor of Worry"?! (but my territory beings in the South, so I have a lot of ground to cover--lol!)

I had a bath and am almost ready, we had to delay plans, due to his work,but I am/always was okay with that, as he did tell me earlier this week. I, too, give 'speedbumps'; like "he has the kids this weekend", "he played golf and is tired tonight"....wonder if They do the same?

My male pal told me that my problem was that I was "thinking' that men are Thinking,and they are Not! (not to 'dis on their intelligence, men, just that you all do not forecast to the future!). I have tried to learn not to take it to heart when they say 'futurisms' like "let's go to..." or "I'll teach you to play pool/golf/tennis..." etc...I see these as possible dates upcoming, they see them as help lessons!

I will go and be the SCOE (sweetest cupcake on earth), not a worry, tra la tra la...he has NO idea that my life is a Lot more like the figure in the mvoie when they put On "The Mask"! lol. Great to know I am not alone and good to be hanging where I AM with you all!!!

Have a good night too. News at 11.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003

this is where OLD differs from real life dating. In real life dating you cannot see a guy pursuing or looking at other people. Online dating you can see when they are "scouting" others. Sometimes they aren't, they could be looking at your profile, just checking their email and logging off. In any case, its tough. And I hated that aspect of OLD when I did it. Its a crappy feeling no matter how many times you've gone out w/ the guy.

My pt here is to take it with a grain of salt as it seems you are doing. when the right guy figures out you are the 'best fit', then the OLD scouting will stop. But this takes some time. I think guys do like ot see what else is out there to jus thave the freedom.

My guy friend took 6 months to finally "stop looking". he didn't do OLD, but he met his gf at a speed dating event. For 6 months he was definetly with her, but couldn't admit it. And kept telling her he was going to go out with other girls if he met someone. And he meant it, but never did. Mainly because he did like the girl, just wanted that freedom until he was sure. Now he isn't the greatest example nor would I have lasted that long with him saying all that crap... but it definetly shows guys just like to "look" to have that freedom if they so choose until they are really sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003

If I read your previous post correctly, you were intimate on your last date and now he's searching online again according to this post.

Is that correct?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004

Cupcake-

I'm a prior member of the Think Too Much Club and here is what I've learned.

When it's good, and right, there IS no analyzing, there IS no wondering "what did he mean?" (your male friend is right; guys would think we were INSANE if they knew what we go through...)

I know it's simplistic, but when I find myself agonizing over the 30 seconds past the time he said he would call, I try to do "stop therapy" to snap myself out of it. That's where you get something in your brain think about, like an ice cream cone, or a stop sign, or whatever, for when "bad" thoughts sneak into your head. It's quite useful at getting over a bad breakup, cheesy as it sounds. You just have to make sure to not continually EAT the ice cream cone when you think of it...

And really, again, when it's right, there IS none of that time-sucking introspection....

Let us know how the date went!!!

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Dear Cupcake,
no matter what others say to me there is this truth - if I really like someone - most definitely my emotions are in it. I don't care if I know someone for one day or 1 month. People are different and men are different from women. I know that if I really like someone - my heart is in it even though there is always a possibility of getting hurt. I would rather live my life and experience things to the fullest than cold calculating how not to get hurt.
I have learned that keeping emotions out is not for me, I am not capable of doing so and that is why I am totally falling for a 26 years old kid. Crazy stuff but I am a hopeless romantic so what can I say. I believe in good things and will try over and over until I get something that feels perfect.
Take care, cupcake, and hugs.
Irina


Edited 3/20/2005 10:59 am ET ET by ivos2004