I know I've done wrong...Please help!
Find a Conversation
|Fri, 07-11-2003 - 11:42am|
It started all as a bit of fun…posted my details on a pen pal site and before I knew it lots of people wrote. With a few of them (male and female) I’m still in touch, friendly emails really nice I wasen't looking for a relationship just exchange emails and find friends.
After sending a few emails to this guy who I thought was really nice and friendy we exchanged pictures.
He really thought I was good looking and started to really like me and that is where the trouble starts or I should say where my lies start.
I’m not single, I'm married and with all the other people that wrote I’ve made that clear from the start but with him I didn’t. So I started with one lie and from then I just couldn’t come clean anymore carried on and on.
If I tell you the whole story this message would never end, he sends me presents, calls me, we write lots of emails etc. matter of fact is that he has real feelings for me, he wants to come out and see me. (He is in Iraq at the moment - American soldier)
I wont deny that I like him too but for one I wouldn’t live my husband and for second all he knows about me is based on lies, so even if I would want to meet him I couldn't.
I know I’ve done wrong, very wrong. I feel really bad for doing what I’ve done to this man. I regret but I can’t turn back and make it better. I wish I could.
I’m not looking for any judgment. I do that myself ever day every minute, I know that it is unforgivable what I’ve done, I feel really bad. It's amazing how much it hurts me and how I hate myself for what I've done and I don't even know this man – I’m just looking for some advise…
I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I have already (even if he doesn't know), so what should I do?
He wants to come out and see me very soon and in the last email I was trying to let him down gently but he then started to say that I would break his heart if I wouldn't want to see him now...
Tell him the truth??? I would destroy him this way and the lies have been going on since month!
Not write to him any more? I don't think that would be fair!
Tell him jet another lie why I won’t and can’t see him??? But what?? What could I possibly tell him?
Please let me know what you think - I am so miserable, I hate myself so much for what the mess I've created and to know that he will suffer because of me makes me so miserable. I have hardly eaten in the last few week, it's like I have a knot in my stomach because of this story.
Thank you for "listening"