I Love You, Let's Meet

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
I Love You, Let's Meet
10
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 12:54pm

This is the title to a book I read about a year ago, and I got it out today to re-read some sections. I enjoyed it all over again. The author is a woman who at the time of publication had met 65 men over a 6 year period in New York and had still not found a boyfriend.

Anyway, there was a passage I had marked which summarizes what she feels people who had success (i.e. met a SO) with OLD:

"...What are doing differently from the still-at-it? They all share a Who I Am and What I Want that's clear, yet flexible. They stayed enthusiastic about the technology even when it delivered disappointment; they didn't generalize out from bad dates into sweeping critiques of whole genders. They came to online dating the way E. B. White said you must come to New York: prepared to be lucky."

I've been feeling pretty burned out again with OLD, and I would hide my profile right this minute, except it seems that the time leading up to the holidays is usually a "busier" time with OLD. I suppose people are fearing that repeat of another lonely Christmas/New Years. Anyway, I just wondered what other people do to stay motivated, and/or if you were successful with OLD, was there something you felt you did that "unsuccessful people" did not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 1:41pm

I can't really compare what I"m doing with those who are 'succesful' since I don't know any of them personally.


It would be most scientifically valid to

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 2:10pm

I've only done online dating during two periods, one month each time, but each time also ended up with a serious relationship (first one actually had a marriage proposal, ha). Something about my profile separates the wheat from the chaff I think; the only "dud" guy I went on a date with was one that I contacted first, instead of the other way around. My current boyfriend, on one date, mentioned that I was the first girl he'd met that was "cool" - I didn't ask him to elaborate, but our first few dates are what I call "activi-dates," first date was golf and a pitcher of beer, for example. I act like we're hanging out as friends, not on a date per se - crack jokes, chug a beer, no serious topics.

I actually prefer online dating in some respects to meeting people other ways (I'm in my late 20s, so that means bars for the most part): dealbreakers in some cases are right there for you to see (I cracked up at the other thread about the naked fella strategically hiding the family jewels).

I say, don't give up. Just look at each date as an experience, maybe it will turn into an amusing anecdote, a new friend, whatever. Try to learn one new thing from each person you see, like how they do their job. That way, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, you can say "hey, but at least I learned how welding works!" (or whatever).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2009
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 2:39pm
Seems like you are starting to burn out on the OLD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 4:19pm

I was doing a little research on this topic before jumping into OLD and read one place that match.com had 3.5 men for each woman on their site.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 5:20pm

I agree with you that men have it tougher with OLD because the numbers aren't in their favor. I feel bad that men send out so many emails that don't get returned, etc. etc.

I wish I met more men IRL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2009
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 6:05pm

I was doing a little research on this topic before jumping into OLD and read one place that match.com had 3.5 men for each woman on their site.


Really? That's interesting because I always thought it was the opposite. Maybe it depends on the area where you live. Every man I've ever met through OLD said they get 'tons' of matches daily and it's overwhelming for them to comb through.


Sometimes I wish I had that problem. Having more to choose from is better imo. Perhaps the men in my city (one of the 10 largest in the US) just don't believe in OLD (shrug).


 


Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.       &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 6:49pm
I find that stat hard to believe. I think in the NYC area it's the other way around!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 8:44am

I tried to find the article that I quoted about match so I could provide a link and could not locate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 10:31am
Maybe the men in a big city don't have to do OLD because they have more opportunities to meet women IRL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2009
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 8:19pm
Maybe the men in a big city don't have to do OLD because they have more opportunities to meet women IRL.

 


Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.       &nb